Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

My mom had me at 23. My paternal grandmother was 52 and maternal 56. I had two siblings: 5 years later and 13 years later. So when my youngest sibling was born they were 65 and 69. My nana lived with us for a year around 70 and provide FT care to my youngest and helped my mom out. All 3 of us spent multiple summers with my paternal grandparents for weeks on end.

I had my son at 31. My mom was 54. She is currently 60 and still FT working.

The difference between the generations is not age. It is that our generation of grandparents were more likely to have SAHM/housemakers whereas our kids grandparents are in the workforce. The grandparents I see providing childcare in this day and age are either SAHM or retired. You have incrementally less SAHM with each generation therefore its going to continue.

+1

A PP said the average age of a first-time grandparent is 50. (I don't know whether that's true but let's assume it is.)

Most 50 year olds are working full-time and will be continuing to do so for another decade and a half or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s clear that the whole notion that families should move to different edges of the country and fend for themselves doesn’t work. This isn’t really evident until you have kids . . . I moved from DC to a smaller town where people tend to have local family (and where I have family). It’s better to have grandma than a babysitter, but it’s also nice to be close enough to help when grandma has medical issues. No amount of hiring/outsourcing can replace the ease/comfort of family.

+1 GenX here. DH and I both moved away from family and it would have been nice to have had them nearby (well, my family, he had no desire to be near his toxic family).

When the kids all spread out to different places, the parents have to pick one to live near, if they want to be near a kid/grandkids. My parents moved to live near my sister and were very involved in helping with her kids. Now dad has died and mom lives with my sister so she handles all the elder care.

Growing up, my grandmother moved to live near us and helped some but she couldn't drive so her help was mainly babysitting on Friday nights so my parents could have a date night. My parents would drop us off and we'd stay the night.

I would definitely want to move to be near at least one of my kids/grandkids if they don't settle in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like there is some Grandparent help, but it's not the right kind of help. I can see why the grandparents are loath to help if they are constantly criticized or expected to be constant playmates.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s more than just providing child care. It’s also a level of involvement. My silent generation parents love being involved with their grandkids and interacting with them. In contrast, the boomer grandparents can hardly be bothered to have a monthly zoom call (which I set up) and don’t acknowledge birthdays. They have plenty of energy to travel the world and go to fancy restaurants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Wow. That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids. I don’t know if I could do it. My mother came to my house and I left. She’s their grandmother not my employee. Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job? It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents. It’s healthy.

That's the way we feel too. The kids are young still, home schooled semi-isolated so we'll see how things change as they grow older. They are great parents in most ways but they have forgotten how great it was to grow up with all the freedoms they enjoyed. The kids are well behaved and respectful. They are doing a lot right but shouldn't make things so extremely difficult for those who want to be in their children's lives.

There are two sides to this. Sorry that I'm not okay with my kids coming over, watching nonstop TV for hours, eating unlimited desserts, juice and Diet Coke (who gives Diet Coke to toddlers?!). Then the kids come back to parents and they're crazed out of their minds. Can't grandparents take time out of their busy TV watching schedules to even play with kids? What's the point of even seeing the kids to just sit and binge TV with them.

My kids are so well behaved and love to play. Why are you trying to go out of your way to disrupt things? My FIL gave my toddler dessert (pie) and hot chocolate for breakfast and when I said we should wait and have that later, he told me it was his job to spoil. I packed the kids in the car and left. Grandparents aren't there to undermine parents, they're there to be another set of loving adults to bond with.

I totally understand this. We are not them. We limit sweets and screen time, it's more fun to play. I've never had soft drinks in my home and understand and love keeping kids on their schedules. This is not the problem at all. The policing in other areas is the issue. We love the kids and won't expose them to things they shouldn't be exposed to. It would be nice to be trusted to know how to be good grandparents without all the rules. It's exhausting to get approval for every little thing or be tattled on. It does make me think twice before having them stay overnight as much as I would like to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s more than just providing child care. It’s also a level of involvement. My silent generation parents love being involved with their grandkids and interacting with them. In contrast, the boomer grandparents can hardly be bothered to have a monthly zoom call (which I set up) and don’t acknowledge birthdays. They have plenty of energy to travel the world and go to fancy restaurants.

That’s so funny. My Silent Gen MIL told me and my SIL that she “wasn’t the kind of grandma who babysits” before we even had children. No one brought up the subject except her because we didn’t intend to use her for childcare. My mother was that kind of grandma and not Silent Gen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Wow. That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids. I don’t know if I could do it. My mother came to my house and I left. She’s their grandmother not my employee. Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job? It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents. It’s healthy.

That's the way we feel too. The kids are young still, home schooled semi-isolated so we'll see how things change as they grow older. They are great parents in most ways but they have forgotten how great it was to grow up with all the freedoms they enjoyed. The kids are well behaved and respectful. They are doing a lot right but shouldn't make things so extremely difficult for those who want to be in their children's lives.

There are two sides to this. Sorry that I'm not okay with my kids coming over, watching nonstop TV for hours, eating unlimited desserts, juice and Diet Coke (who gives Diet Coke to toddlers?!). Then the kids come back to parents and they're crazed out of their minds. Can't grandparents take time out of their busy TV watching schedules to even play with kids? What's the point of even seeing the kids to just sit and binge TV with them.

My kids are so well behaved and love to play. Why are you trying to go out of your way to disrupt things? My FIL gave my toddler dessert (pie) and hot chocolate for breakfast and when I said we should wait and have that later, he told me it was his job to spoil. I packed the kids in the car and left. Grandparents aren't there to undermine parents, they're there to be another set of loving adults to bond with.

+1. My dad was allowing my kids to veg out in front of Youtube on his laptop and watch God knows what. I told him I had no problem with him putting on a movie or a show for them but they could not explore Youtube unsupervised because there is some sick sh*t on there. He of course acted like I was crazy. He also fed them cookies and Tang for lunch so I made sure to pack them a lunch when they went over there. My own grandfather used to play board games with us but that's too much work I guess.

It does seem the boomer generation is more addicted to screens than even the younger ones. Millennials may be addicted but we still have some strength to resist for the sake of our kids. The boomer generation is just too old, lazy to care anymore. Across the board in talking to friends, a big complain is grandparents taking out screens to "entertain" the kids. Like they like having them around but it is too much to actually interact. I get it, kids are exhausting but it does bother me that boomers are so lazy and addicted to screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers had their parents (sometimes both sets!) nearby. And they were helpful.

Now as grandparents they want all the fun without any of the assistance. It sucks.

Did you stay near your parents? Everyone I know who stayed near their parents (not the ones who moved to be closer to parents for help with childcare during covid, that's a whole different set of people), but the ones who went to college, then moved back to their hometown or whose parents moved to be near them after they settled somewhere, they all have close relationships with their families. The people who moved to be near their families for childcare because they felt entitled to their help during Covid, or the ones whose parents live several hours drive or flight away and feel entitled to childcare at the drop of a hat are just being ridiculous.

This is me and my parents also begged for grandchildren ... flash forward 8 years later and they couldn't be bothered to spend really any time with my DD. It's beyond frustrating. I don't need childcare, she's in school full time and we pay for summer care (and we paid plenty for daycare in that phase of life), but it would be nice if they could be slightly interested in their grandchild. They aren't even super busy. One is retired, the other works part time, they don't have hobbies or travel a ton (just 1-2x/year). They just don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

So you're annoyed that your parents raised their kids and are enjoying their lives??

They are free to not make us a priority and it will be reciprocated.

Who is this “us” and “we” and “they”? Are you trying to speak for millions of people? Most of “us” are just fine with our lives and relationships. Just speak for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

Your living situation is ideal. We have some three generation households in our family and financially you pretty much cut your household expenses in half.

A lot of very bitter posters here so I don’t think it would work out for them. My neighborhood has a lot of first generation immigrant Asian families. Usually it’s the grandmother, parents and children. The grandmother provides household care and childcare. The parents work and the children go to school. The parents are able to focus on their careers knowing their children are taken care of. To me that’s ideal.

These situations dont work when the "grandmother" role is a full-time employed person. Your ideal situation also wont work for your children and grandchildren unless "grandmother" doesnt work I will let you in on a little secret that I see happening in households where the mother/father is 2nd or 3rd generation- it no longer works because the women have JOBS. Both the older woman and younger woman.

You are also talking about families with only one child I presume? What about a family that has 4 children- 2 boys and 2 girls. Who gets the lucky free labor of the elderly? Who gets to share living expenses? Only one or do you pay for half of each household?

Households with 4 kids is an American choice. Most Asians I know have one or two children only. The ones who have three kids are those who had twins.

In multi-gen households, a considerable amount of outsourcing happens because money is pooled. I am talking about homes where the grandparents and parents all are working. Sorry to disappoint you but the uneducated non-English speaking widowed grandma who is the defecto indentured labor is not the norm in the communities that are thriving.

BTW, the service providers (part-time cooks, cleaners, yard maintainnce, handymen) who are working for these kinds of households are mostly coming to work during the weekends. Do you know why? The adults in the family are working during the work week and Asian families usually do not allow service providers to come to their house in their absence.

But, you do you, Boo!
Remain without childcare, help, support, ability to buy a house, savings for your children, an instagram worthy home, peace, vacations, thriving kids, tutors for kids, good schools, college fund and retirement savings ...and blame your parents. Such losers! Your Boomer parents should be embarrassed to have raised such failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

Your living situation is ideal. We have some three generation households in our family and financially you pretty much cut your household expenses in half.

A lot of very bitter posters here so I don’t think it would work out for them. My neighborhood has a lot of first generation immigrant Asian families. Usually it’s the grandmother, parents and children. The grandmother provides household care and childcare. The parents work and the children go to school. The parents are able to focus on their careers knowing their children are taken care of. To me that’s ideal.

These situations dont work when the "grandmother" role is a full-time employed person. Your ideal situation also wont work for your children and grandchildren unless "grandmother" doesnt work I will let you in on a little secret that I see happening in households where the mother/father is 2nd or 3rd generation- it no longer works because the women have JOBS. Both the older woman and younger woman.

You are also talking about families with only one child I presume? What about a family that has 4 children- 2 boys and 2 girls. Who gets the lucky free labor of the elderly? Who gets to share living expenses? Only one or do you pay for half of each household?

Households with 4 kids is an American choice. Most Asians I know have one or two children only. The ones who have three kids are those who had twins.

In multi-gen households, a considerable amount of outsourcing happens because money is pooled. I am talking about homes where the grandparents and parents all are working. Sorry to disappoint you but the uneducated non-English speaking widowed grandma who is the defecto indentured labor is not the norm in the communities that are thriving.

BTW, the service providers (part-time cooks, cleaners, yard maintainnce, handymen) who are working for these kinds of households are mostly coming to work during the weekends. Do you know why? The adults in the family are working during the work week and Asian families usually do not allow service providers to come to their house in their absence.

But, you do you, Boo!
Remain without childcare, help, support, ability to buy a house, savings for your children, an instagram worthy home, peace, vacations, thriving kids, tutors for kids, good schools, college fund and retirement savings ...and blame your parents. Such losers! Your Boomer parents should be embarrassed to have raised such failures.

You contradicted yourself here and showed you are just a troll.

"I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations."

BUT NOW when confronted about SAHM grandparents all of a sudden the grandparents have jobs. So which is it? Do you have inbuilt childcare in your multi-gen household or are all adults working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s really bizarre. You made choices to have children and keep a demanding job. And you’re annoyed at retired parents who spent 30 or 40 years working jobs, taking care of children and are now taking vacations?

+1. The sense of entitlement is beyond me.

From our perspective, it is the grandparents who are entitled and making demands of us.

What demands are they making of you?

.

To have grandkids, to see the grandkids on holidays, to host them at our house, to FaceTime with them, to send them pictures and give them updates. But they can’t lift a finger. We just don’t have the time for that anymore. It just creates more work for us.

OMG, aren’t you something! I simply can’t understand how FaceTime is a work for you - you are either available or you aren’t, if you aren’t, they call later, if you are, the kids are occupied for 15-20 minutes and you can relax with a cup of coffee. And as far as the pictures and updates, don’t you ever feel the urge as a mother to share with the world how amazing your kids are and what they are up to (I know I do), and who is the better audience for that than the grandparents?

I'm not sure why old people don't get why everyone hate Facetime? It was such a source of discontent with my son and us that we completely had to stop all Facetimes. He couldn't stand Facetime at all, would act up, DH would get upset, grandparents would tell him he was being a bad boy, and the whole night got ruined. Stopped doing Facetime and his behavior all around improved. He would get worked up even knowing a Facetime was coming.

The other set of grandparents talks on the phone with him and he happily chats away for 15 min or so. Why isn't that enough?! Why the dumb Facetime?

You are a grown woman. Act like one. I don’t like FaceTime either but would understand why the grandparents would want it and I would use it. I can’t think of a reason why a child wouldn’t want to see grandparents on phone. Does he think they are in the phone and gets freaked out? It’s one thing not to like FaceTime. It’s another to be “discontented” by it and acting up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Wow. That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids. I don’t know if I could do it. My mother came to my house and I left. She’s their grandmother not my employee. Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job? It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents. It’s healthy.

That's the way we feel too. The kids are young still, home schooled semi-isolated so we'll see how things change as they grow older. They are great parents in most ways but they have forgotten how great it was to grow up with all the freedoms they enjoyed. The kids are well behaved and respectful. They are doing a lot right but shouldn't make things so extremely difficult for those who want to be in their children's lives.

There are two sides to this. Sorry that I'm not okay with my kids coming over, watching nonstop TV for hours, eating unlimited desserts, juice and Diet Coke (who gives Diet Coke to toddlers?!). Then the kids come back to parents and they're crazed out of their minds. Can't grandparents take time out of their busy TV watching schedules to even play with kids? What's the point of even seeing the kids to just sit and binge TV with them.

My kids are so well behaved and love to play. Why are you trying to go out of your way to disrupt things? My FIL gave my toddler dessert (pie) and hot chocolate for breakfast and when I said we should wait and have that later, he told me it was his job to spoil. I packed the kids in the car and left. Grandparents aren't there to undermine parents, they're there to be another set of loving adults to bond with.

I totally understand this. We are not them. We limit sweets and screen time, it's more fun to play. I've never had soft drinks in my home and understand and love keeping kids on their schedules. This is not the problem at all. The policing in other areas is the issue. We love the kids and won't expose them to things they shouldn't be exposed to. It would be nice to be trusted to know how to be good grandparents without all the rules. It's exhausting to get approval for every little thing or be tattled on. It does make me think twice before having them stay overnight as much as I would like to.

Don’t bother trying to be reasonable to this barely literate woman. The only time I see young children, babies even! With screens in their faces is public places with their mothers. Grocery stores they have their mother’s phone while sitting in the carriage. Out shopping, the kids under four are in carriages with iPad watching cartoons. In family restaurants each child with their own iPad and the mother texting. No words are exchanged between them.

This is the norm with todays mothers and it’s a disgrace. There’s no denying it either because it’s happening in public. We can all see it. They are all in their own worlds. Sad

[Anonymous]

Most 50 yr olds in our group of friends have kids in college. No one is becoming a grandparent so young.

Even the ACs are marrying in their mid to late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s clear that the whole notion that families should move to different edges of the country and fend for themselves doesn’t work. This isn’t really evident until you have kids . . . I moved from DC to a smaller town where people tend to have local family (and where I have family). It’s better to have grandma than a babysitter, but it’s also nice to be close enough to help when grandma has medical issues. No amount of hiring/outsourcing can replace the ease/comfort of family.

Totally agree with you. Where I grew up wasn't really a small town but the educational opportunities were either gigantic monolith state schools where years in you most likely wouldn't get into the major of your choice or school so small no one even in state has ever heard of them. I also didn't get into the one really good school somewhat nearby.

I agree that the real issue isn't Boomer grandparents but the lack of support in general for families with two working parents. As a Gen X, many things have changed since I was a kid, including more families with two working parents, workloads that are inconsistent and intrude into what should be non-working hours, longer commutes, and inconsistent school calendars with many random days off and hours that don't align with work hours, etc. The typical DCUM response to parents who complain about how difficult it is to manage their jobs and parenting responsibilities is to say, "You should not have had kids you can't afford," as if anyone who lacks the ability to employ a household staff should be childfree. In truth, outsourcing household and childcare responsibilities presents an additional burden. There has to be a better way because the expectation that each family can make it without outside help is unrealistic.

The fact that you think millennials invented dual income families, jobs with long hours and after hour responsibilities, long commutes, and school calendars/hours that don't align with office hours is why people make fun of millennials. I don't know where you grew up, but, my boomer parents in a UMC community in a major metro area dealt with all of this, without any family support. Most of my friend's parents were the same. I don't think boomers are perfect, but, this idea that they had everything easy and now it is so much harder is simply not true. I'm genx born in 1973. I have so much more flexibility than either of my parents did (for most of their career).

Same, but with greatest generation parents. They had a little bit of help with the oldest sibling and that was it. The rest was a scramble.