MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

^^^Narcissism. OPs MIL sounds like my mother, who’s 85 and still won’t give up hosting. She’s in no shape to do it, and doesn’t care about accommodating anyone else’s needs. But none of that matters to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

NP. No, actually, there are not. There are two that people travel out of state for, on a regular basis: Thanksgiving and Christmas. How many times have you heard of all family prioritizing and traveling for St. Patrick’s Day or even Fourth of July? When families are all local, yeah, maybe throwing a big Valentine’s Day party would be A Thing. There are long drives, flights, and overnight stays involved for this family. Do you get it?

Your tone is gross.

Why does MIL get to monopolize one of two holidays every year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

NP. No, actually, there are not. There are two that people travel out of state for, on a regular basis: Thanksgiving and Christmas. How many times have you heard of all family prioritizing and traveling for St. Patrick’s Day or even Fourth of July? When families are all local, yeah, maybe throwing a big Valentine’s Day party would be A Thing. There are long drives, flights, and overnight stays involved for this family. Do you get it?

Your tone is gross.

Why does MIL get to monopolize one of two holidays every year?

I’m not saying she does. I agree OP should get a turn. But let’s not pretend like there are more than two major holidays for traveling family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^Narcissism. OPs MIL sounds like my mother, who’s 85 and still won’t give up hosting. She’s in no shape to do it, and doesn’t care about accommodating anyone else’s needs. But none of that matters to her.

I wouldn’t eat out of the kitchen of an 85yo. No way. Gross and even if she could physically handle it, who in their right mind would accept frail hospitality?

[Anonymous]

I'd let her have it. Timing Thanksgiving dinner is the worst--if my brother didn't host it each year, I'm not sure I would even celebrate it. It's so much work.

I love hosting Easter though--maybe you can take that one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

NP. No, actually, there are not. There are two that people travel out of state for, on a regular basis: Thanksgiving and Christmas. How many times have you heard of all family prioritizing and traveling for St. Patrick’s Day or even Fourth of July? When families are all local, yeah, maybe throwing a big Valentine’s Day party would be A Thing. There are long drives, flights, and overnight stays involved for this family. Do you get it?

Why are you assuming everyone is Christian?

[Anonymous]

Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still do not understand why it is not a joy when our children become successful and secure enough to be able comfortably host the family at our biggest get-togethers. Isn't that what we wanted -- to raise them well, to value their family, to share the blessings in their lives by opening their homes to the loved ones?

Why is this not the GOAL?

This. My parents hosted Thanksgiving when we were young, and my Grandmother (fathers mother so my mom was her DIL) was always there, obviously bursting with pride at her som and his family, obviously enjoying the role of butterscotch-dealer and dessert Queen to a bunch of adoring grandchildren who continued to visit her independently through high school (those of us who lived close by.) My parents gave up hosting Thanksgiving when it became obvious that putting three grandchildren under 4 on the Jersey turnpike for hours was less rational than two adults on Acela.

My suspicion is the kind of MIL or Mother who is so wrapped around hosting is the kind who has insecurity that anyone will want her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very obvious what really happened here. OP brought up hosting Thanksgiving in front of everyone, and not wanting to be rude, everyone quickly agreed. But they didn’t really want to do it in the first place. They were just trying to avoid confrontation. They figured they’d just deal with it later.

Had OP privately approached her MIL from the outset, I bet a million dollars she would have gotten a different answer. But she didn’t do that. She/her husband put her MIL on the spot. Her MIL has probably been fretting about this for a year because it’s something she never really wanted to do.

Who’s going to tell her daughter in law with a new house that she’s obviously super proud of that she doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving there, especially when she’s asked in front of everyone?

I get that OP wants to have her own traditions for her own family. Again - assuming (maybe wrongly) that she’s Christian - that’s what Christmas is for. The time will come soon enough when the MIL and the aunt will be too old to host Thanksgiving, and then OP can step up. But, really, what’s the upside to OP being so obstinate with the MIL about this? Is this really the hill to die on?

Oh, and I’m with the other poster. There’s no way the Aunt has agreed to this. OP is making that up.

You’ve obviously never read this forum around the holidays? MILs want Jewish DILs to put up obnoxious yard inflatables— and get support here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s very obvious what really happened here.[/b] OP brought up hosting Thanksgiving in front of everyone, and not wanting to be rude, everyone quickly agreed. But they didn’t really want to do it in the first place. They were just trying to avoid confrontation. They figured they’d just deal with it later.

Had OP privately approached her MIL from the outset, I bet a million dollars she would have gotten a different answer. But she didn’t do that. She/her husband put her MIL on the spot. Her MIL has probably been fretting about this for a year because it’s something she never really wanted to do.

Who’s going to tell her daughter in law with a new house that she’s obviously super proud of that she doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving there, especially when she’s asked in front of everyone?

I get that OP wants to have her own traditions for her own family. Again - assuming (maybe wrongly) that she’s Christian - that’s what Christmas is for. The time will come soon enough when the MIL and the aunt will be too old to host Thanksgiving, and then OP can step up. But, really, what’s the upside to OP being so obstinate with the MIL about this? Is this really the hill to die on?

Oh, and I’m with the other poster. There’s no way the Aunt has agreed to this. OP is making that up.

Mmmm, not so much. Not at all "very obvious."

But I do understand that this is what you see when you read the thread.

You don’t understand human nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

Yea, well, different traditions. You folks are cheap and lousy tippers. We’re not gonna pick up that tradition either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

OP here. Please tell me how it was disrespectful to anyone to start a conversation saying we wished to do something someday, and then everyone said it would be great to do Thanksgiving next year (meaning this upcoming Thanksgiving). Could you please tell me about how talking to people and saying we had a wish was disrespectful to anyone?

At any rate, thank you all. We just replied to the whole group text where this is discussed saying our plan is to stay in our home this Thanksgiving and host whomever would like to spend the holiday with us. It’s OK if that is no one, we’ll have a nice Thanksgiving here and—if we get no family attendees—invite some friends and neighbors.

Damn. Seems rude. We don’t roll that way in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans are so unhinged when it comes to thanksgiving lol.

Are you brave enough to list the culture you most identify with, or is this just taking potshots at Americans? All cultures have weird unhinged bits.

Canadian. We have thanksgiving but no one is this… strict? Dedicated? I’m not sure what the word is. People are literally talking like this will tear the family apart. It’s cooking a turkey and making mashed potatoes.

Are you okay with a list of Canadian crazy things, or would that be rude? I live up North for 16 years and loved the culture, but you are definitely peculiar in your own way.