Has confronting the other woman ever gone well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the spouse could get someone killed. Also so often the APs have a lot to lose socially if the affair comes to light. So the BW won’t confront the AP or her DH bc it would make the cheating husband look bad at work if everyone knew, expose him or his firm to a lawsuit, or whatever. So the cheating husband strings along the OW until she thinks it’s her idea to end it so he isn’t materially harmed and the wife says nothing because it’s her $ too.

Let’s change your first sentence:

Sleeping with someone else’s spouse could get someone killed.


Christ. The passion from betrayal causes stable people to do crazy things. It all would never happen if the cheating didn’t happen in the first place. End of story.

So? You really want to risk your DH’s life and career and your kids public embarrassment bc of whatever you think confronting the OW will accomplish? Grow up, or save it for reality TV.

Do you catastrophize on a regular basis? You should get therapy for that.

Uh, this is very typical fallout from a discovered and publicized affair. Maybe not getting shot but the rest yes. You want to put your private life on a billboard be my guest but more people than not handle this privately.

No it’s not. The vast majority of affairs revealed have no impact on life, career, or public standing. Especially for men. You fantasy world is not reality, which is a common theme for people who engage in affairs.

There are therapists that can help you get out of that destructive way of thinking.

How is talking to the AP or sending her spouse a email/personal phone call making it public? No more than when AP was “talking” to BS’ husband in a hotel room. Neither is public.

The same drama these APs who suffer from histrionic personality disorder display in their responses here, e.g., murder, job loss, public humiliation, blah blah. Everything is the most extreme situation. You can maturely address the party involved without involving your children or anyone’s work place for crying out loud. It’s such a weird double standard. I can cheat, blow your husband but you can’t confront me about it. How was all those meetings in the back of a car or hotel room not worse than the spouse calling an AP? Good lord.

It really displays how mentally unhealthy people engage in this self destructive, selfish and unhealthy behaviors.

Reading their response shows how little they understand how much their child abused, trauma, mental illnesses badly informs them when talking and acting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Idk. OW love to blab it all over to make the wife that stays look like a chump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

The OW doesn’t owe the wife any interaction.

[Anonymous]

I thought by confronting her maybe she would stop this behavior of cheating on her husband with married men and, perhaps, I could spare other women the sane pain and trauma. I advised her to at least cheat with single men. Don’t contribute to the harm of children/other women. I also let my ex know how horrible it was what he did to another man by cheating with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Oh so silly. Once you confront you have no control over who she tells, his work or whoever. You can’t control her response. Why escalate. Your DH is the o my one who matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

The OW doesn’t owe the wife any interaction.

Well she’s giving her some with the germs and STIs she leaves behind.

I really wonder about women that are so “pro-OW”. What went wrong that they claim to be all for supporting women in charities and Intetnational woman’s day but then turn around and participate in something so harmful to another woman and her family?

It’s such a weird hypocrisy I’ll never understand. I guess the fake support for women feeds their narcissism. It’s an act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

Dream on. Why should she apologize to someone who literally wishes her ill? Apologizing won’t change anything. If she stopped it’s all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Never works, just makes things worse.

And why? The beef is with the DH not the AP. No AP forces another person to have an affair. That is ridiculous.

+1

She isn’t the one who broke your vows.

That's such a disordered way of thinking. I'd love to talk to your therapist to see how you go to this place in your life.

Why not confront both of them? I’ve been married 25 years and if I found out my spouse had an AP over a period of time, I’d certainly need to find out who it was and say something. It’s really nice to think you can enter someone’s marriage with no consequences and the spouse is supposed to welcome you with open arms or turn him over.

Shedding light on a secret situation is empowering and an important part of recovery for many- whether they stay or go. You are t a victim when you look the big fat albatross directly in the eye and say “I see you”. It’s not so fun once the secret is out.

I’m not an OW, but if a wife confronted me I simply wouldn’t engage. I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to, so I’d just leave.

“I’m so sorry” would be an adequate response. But I guess people with no conscience or empathy don’t feel they need to apologize to people they harm with their part in a situation.

The OW doesn’t owe the wife any interaction.

Good humans do owe other people stuff, so I agree OW don’t fall in that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Oh so silly. Once you confront you have no control over who she tells, his work or whoever. You can’t control her response. Why escalate. Your DH is the o my one who matters.

You realize there was no control and she already was telling other people. And then there is the inherent risk of other people seeing the spouse and OW together and the kids finding out that way. That’s a much greater risk. Better to end the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Oh so silly. Once you confront you have no control over who she tells, his work or whoever. You can’t control her response. Why escalate. Your DH is the o my one who matters.

You are silly if you think she doesn’t flaunt it during the affair. People with low self esteem have to share it with someone.

It’s why most criminals get caught, the drive to tell someone is too strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted her, she kept on lying about it.

I also confronted. She got angry about him ratting her out and betraying all of their secrets to me. She also was terrified I was going to tell her spouse.

It was beneficial for me. I had already confronted and dealt with my spouse and I don’t let people bully me without confronting them.

Healing really didn’t begin until I got to say my piece to the people that wronged me. It was akin to taking my power back.

They both knew their families/spouses/kids would suffer trauma by what they were doing but it was just some harmless fun and an es are for them. “It didn’t mean anything”. They failed to calculate how wrong that was.

Oh and nobody knows but the 4 people (spouses and cheaters) not the kids. She had no employer and why would his work ever need to know?

Oh and her ho girlfriends she glamorized it too and also cheat on their husbands.

Oh so silly. Once you confront you have no control over who she tells, his work or whoever. You can’t control her response. Why escalate. Your DH is the o my one who matters.

You realize there was no control and she already was telling other people. And then there is the inherent risk of other people seeing the spouse and OW together and the kids finding out that way. That’s a much greater risk. Better to end the whole thing.

Really? And you think this is the OW’s responsibility and not YOUR HUSBAND’S?