Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was one drunken hookup 3 years ago, and after that just texting. Think carefully how big a deal you want to make of this.

Sexting is cheating, you sad little doormat

I disagree with PP. yes it’s terrible your husband cheated and has been texting. But do you want to blow up your family and spend 50% of time with your kids over it? Are text messages worth losing your family home and seeing your kids every other holiday?

I’d lay down the law and put an end to this. I’d maybe go to counseling and make it clear you don’t put up with this. Then I’d continue on with life.

Or you can act like a lot of the crazies on this board who compare cheating to murder and write unhinged paragraphs about how they have been wronged.

I honestly think a lot of these women would be less upset if they found out their husbands had murdered someone in cold blood. It's so strange.

I’m the immediate PP who said that cheating wouldn’t make me divorce but I don’t see how people can read many stories of how traumatic long-term cheating is for the betrayed spouse and say things like this. If they are acting crazy it’s because the people who are supposed to love them the most have destroyed the very foundations of their lives. It’s not the random dramatic betrayed spouse who says it takes years to get over the symptoms of PTSD and their ability to trust never comes back; the vast majority say that. People who roll their eyes at women who report those impacts are emotionally incompetent and nobody should take their comments seriously.

Their spouses probably do love them, they are just a bit bored with having sex with the same person all the time and for the rest of their lives. Sex and love are two very different things for many people, especially men.

+1,000,000

Many of these guys are still having regular sex with their wives and enjoying their families and planning special things for their wives. They compartmentalize. After getting married in their late 20s and being with the same woman for 20-some years they rationalize getting a no-strings for variety or because they are going through a massive midlife crisis that it isn't a big deal. They don't cross over into family time. There are many men out there that rarely text or talk to their side bangs outside of the occasional meet-up.

Yes. They are complete frickin' idiots who are very shocked when reality comes in and they see how traumatic it is, not only for their families, but themselves because it is so far from the values and integrity they live the rest of their lives with. Crisis of conscience and all.

So somebody can inflict serious trauma on somebody while planning special things for them and having regular sex with them. To me it’s kind of messed up to call that love, but my point was that it’s not “crazy” to be traumatized by it.

It’s called compartmentalization. Lots of Psychology behind it and learned by children of alcoholics, cheaters and neglectful parents. They think they aren’t doing anything wrong precisely because they think they will never get caught and they only say good things and do great things for their spouse. No plans to ever leave.

Yes I know it's called compartmentalization. I'm saying I personally do not think you can inflict trauma on somebody while still loving them, regardless of why you are able to inflict trauma.

+2

You are completely missing the point. They aren't in their minds. They can't see they are inflicting trauma. They think they will never get caught and the fact they are discreet and going through great lengths to make sure it never gets out is part of 'the love' in their mind.

I didn't say it wasn't messed up. I'm telling you many of these people do have deep love for their spouse and children, family.

I'm not missing the point. I assume we have a different definition of love. I think that if you love somebody, you don't severely hurt them, no matter how much you think you love them or how many warm fuzzy feelings you have toward them.

NP here - PP is saying they don't think they are hurting their spouses because of the compartmentalization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was one drunken hookup 3 years ago, and after that just texting. Think carefully how big a deal you want to make of this.

Sexting is cheating, you sad little doormat

I disagree with PP. yes it’s terrible your husband cheated and has been texting. But do you want to blow up your family and spend 50% of time with your kids over it? Are text messages worth losing your family home and seeing your kids every other holiday?

I’d lay down the law and put an end to this. I’d maybe go to counseling and make it clear you don’t put up with this. Then I’d continue on with life.

Or you can act like a lot of the crazies on this board who compare cheating to murder and write unhinged paragraphs about how they have been wronged.

I honestly think a lot of these women would be less upset if they found out their husbands had murdered someone in cold blood. It's so strange.

I’m the immediate PP who said that cheating wouldn’t make me divorce but I don’t see how people can read many stories of how traumatic long-term cheating is for the betrayed spouse and say things like this. If they are acting crazy it’s because the people who are supposed to love them the most have destroyed the very foundations of their lives. It’s not the random dramatic betrayed spouse who says it takes years to get over the symptoms of PTSD and their ability to trust never comes back; the vast majority say that. People who roll their eyes at women who report those impacts are emotionally incompetent and nobody should take their comments seriously.

Their spouses probably do love them, they are just a bit bored with having sex with the same person all the time and for the rest of their lives. Sex and love are two very different things for many people, especially men.

+1,000,000

Many of these guys are still having regular sex with their wives and enjoying their families and planning special things for their wives. They compartmentalize. After getting married in their late 20s and being with the same woman for 20-some years they rationalize getting a no-strings for variety or because they are going through a massive midlife crisis that it isn't a big deal. They don't cross over into family time. There are many men out there that rarely text or talk to their side bangs outside of the occasional meet-up.

Yes. They are complete frickin' idiots who are very shocked when reality comes in and they see how traumatic it is, not only for their families, but themselves because it is so far from the values and integrity they live the rest of their lives with. Crisis of conscience and all.

So somebody can inflict serious trauma on somebody while planning special things for them and having regular sex with them. To me it’s kind of messed up to call that love, but my point was that it’s not “crazy” to be traumatized by it.

It’s called compartmentalization. Lots of Psychology behind it and learned by children of alcoholics, cheaters and neglectful parents. They think they aren’t doing anything wrong precisely because they think they will never get caught and they only say good things and do great things for their spouse. No plans to ever leave.

Yes I know it's called compartmentalization. I'm saying I personally do not think you can inflict trauma on somebody while still loving them, regardless of why you are able to inflict trauma.

+2

You are completely missing the point. They aren't in their minds. They can't see they are inflicting trauma. They think they will never get caught and the fact they are discreet and going through great lengths to make sure it never gets out is part of 'the love' in their mind.

I didn't say it wasn't messed up. I'm telling you many of these people do have deep love for their spouse and children, family.

I'm not missing the point. I assume we have a different definition of love. I think that if you love somebody, you don't severely hurt them, no matter how much you think you love them or how many warm fuzzy feelings you have toward them.

ONE MORE TIME, they aren't hurting them if they don't know it's happening. In 60% or so of marriages, the other spouse has zero clue this is going on and the cheater is compartmentalizing. In their minds severely hurting them would be by not being discreet or flaunting it in their face or treating them poorly in the marriage. Love to them is taking good care of their spouse, providing, loving, etc...and that compartmentalized side sex once a month or so means nothing and they don't think about it once they are gone.

The hurt only comes after they get discovered and then their worlds collide and implode. Many broken people that fooled themselves what they were doing wasn't wrong and wouldn't hurt anyone come to find how untrue their former belief system was.

And, we don't have a different view at all. I would (and never have) cheated on anyone or slept with anyone who was married when I was single myself. I am the biggest anti-adultery, cheater basher out there.

What I'm telling you is that in disordered minds they are able to love someone and due to poor coping skills. childhood trauma and mental illness--they think they will never get caught so they aren't hurting them. The other person doesn't matter to them and they don't think they are hurting their spouse, but protecting them by going through great lengths to hide any impropriety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was one drunken hookup 3 years ago, and after that just texting. Think carefully how big a deal you want to make of this.

Sexting is cheating, you sad little doormat

I disagree with PP. yes it’s terrible your husband cheated and has been texting. But do you want to blow up your family and spend 50% of time with your kids over it? Are text messages worth losing your family home and seeing your kids every other holiday?

I’d lay down the law and put an end to this. I’d maybe go to counseling and make it clear you don’t put up with this. Then I’d continue on with life.

Or you can act like a lot of the crazies on this board who compare cheating to murder and write unhinged paragraphs about how they have been wronged.

I honestly think a lot of these women would be less upset if they found out their husbands had murdered someone in cold blood. It's so strange.

I’m the immediate PP who said that cheating wouldn’t make me divorce but I don’t see how people can read many stories of how traumatic long-term cheating is for the betrayed spouse and say things like this. If they are acting crazy it’s because the people who are supposed to love them the most have destroyed the very foundations of their lives. It’s not the random dramatic betrayed spouse who says it takes years to get over the symptoms of PTSD and their ability to trust never comes back; the vast majority say that. People who roll their eyes at women who report those impacts are emotionally incompetent and nobody should take their comments seriously.

Their spouses probably do love them, they are just a bit bored with having sex with the same person all the time and for the rest of their lives. Sex and love are two very different things for many people, especially men.

+1,000,000

Many of these guys are still having regular sex with their wives and enjoying their families and planning special things for their wives. They compartmentalize. After getting married in their late 20s and being with the same woman for 20-some years they rationalize getting a no-strings for variety or because they are going through a massive midlife crisis that it isn't a big deal. They don't cross over into family time. There are many men out there that rarely text or talk to their side bangs outside of the occasional meet-up.

Yes. They are complete frickin' idiots who are very shocked when reality comes in and they see how traumatic it is, not only for their families, but themselves because it is so far from the values and integrity they live the rest of their lives with. Crisis of conscience and all.

So somebody can inflict serious trauma on somebody while planning special things for them and having regular sex with them. To me it’s kind of messed up to call that love, but my point was that it’s not “crazy” to be traumatized by it.

It’s called compartmentalization. Lots of Psychology behind it and learned by children of alcoholics, cheaters and neglectful parents. They think they aren’t doing anything wrong precisely because they think they will never get caught and they only say good things and do great things for their spouse. No plans to ever leave.

Yes I know it's called compartmentalization. I'm saying I personally do not think you can inflict trauma on somebody while still loving them, regardless of why you are able to inflict trauma.

+2

You are completely missing the point. They aren't in their minds. They can't see they are inflicting trauma. They think they will never get caught and the fact they are discreet and going through great lengths to make sure it never gets out is part of 'the love' in their mind.

I didn't say it wasn't messed up. I'm telling you many of these people do have deep love for their spouse and children, family.

I'm not missing the point. I assume we have a different definition of love. I think that if you love somebody, you don't severely hurt them, no matter how much you think you love them or how many warm fuzzy feelings you have toward them.

ONE MORE TIME, they aren't hurting them if they don't know it's happening. In 60% or so of marriages, the other spouse has zero clue this is going on and the cheater is compartmentalizing. In their minds severely hurting them would be by not being discreet or flaunting it in their face or treating them poorly in the marriage. Love to them is taking good care of their spouse, providing, loving, etc...and that compartmentalized side sex once a month or so means nothing and they don't think about it once they are gone.

The hurt only comes after they get discovered and then their worlds collide and implode. Many broken people that fooled themselves what they were doing wasn't wrong and wouldn't hurt anyone come to find how untrue their former belief system was.

And, we don't have a different view at all. I would (and never have) cheated on anyone or slept with anyone who was married when I was single myself. I am the biggest anti-adultery, cheater basher out there.

What I'm telling you is that in disordered minds they are able to love someone and due to poor coping skills. childhood trauma and mental illness--they think they will never get caught so they aren't hurting them. The other person doesn't matter to them and they don't think they are hurting their spouse, but protecting them by going through great lengths to hide any impropriety.

Okay fine, I don't think you can truly love somebody and do something, for a period of years, that poses a huge risk of seriously hurting your spouse. Disordered mind or not. To me the definition of love doesn't change due to childhood trauma or poor coping skills or whatever. What is love to them is not love to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was one drunken hookup 3 years ago, and after that just texting. Think carefully how big a deal you want to make of this.

Sexting is cheating, you sad little doormat

I disagree with PP. yes it’s terrible your husband cheated and has been texting. But do you want to blow up your family and spend 50% of time with your kids over it? Are text messages worth losing your family home and seeing your kids every other holiday?

I’d lay down the law and put an end to this. I’d maybe go to counseling and make it clear you don’t put up with this. Then I’d continue on with life.

Or you can act like a lot of the crazies on this board who compare cheating to murder and write unhinged paragraphs about how they have been wronged.

I honestly think a lot of these women would be less upset if they found out their husbands had murdered someone in cold blood. It's so strange.

I’m the immediate PP who said that cheating wouldn’t make me divorce but I don’t see how people can read many stories of how traumatic long-term cheating is for the betrayed spouse and say things like this. If they are acting crazy it’s because the people who are supposed to love them the most have destroyed the very foundations of their lives. It’s not the random dramatic betrayed spouse who says it takes years to get over the symptoms of PTSD and their ability to trust never comes back; the vast majority say that. People who roll their eyes at women who report those impacts are emotionally incompetent and nobody should take their comments seriously.

Their spouses probably do love them, they are just a bit bored with having sex with the same person all the time and for the rest of their lives. Sex and love are two very different things for many people, especially men.

+1,000,000

Many of these guys are still having regular sex with their wives and enjoying their families and planning special things for their wives. They compartmentalize. After getting married in their late 20s and being with the same woman for 20-some years they rationalize getting a no-strings for variety or because they are going through a massive midlife crisis that it isn't a big deal. They don't cross over into family time. There are many men out there that rarely text or talk to their side bangs outside of the occasional meet-up.

Yes. They are complete frickin' idiots who are very shocked when reality comes in and they see how traumatic it is, not only for their families, but themselves because it is so far from the values and integrity they live the rest of their lives with. Crisis of conscience and all.

So somebody can inflict serious trauma on somebody while planning special things for them and having regular sex with them. To me it’s kind of messed up to call that love, but my point was that it’s not “crazy” to be traumatized by it.

It’s called compartmentalization. Lots of Psychology behind it and learned by children of alcoholics, cheaters and neglectful parents. They think they aren’t doing anything wrong precisely because they think they will never get caught and they only say good things and do great things for their spouse. No plans to ever leave.

Yes I know it's called compartmentalization. I'm saying I personally do not think you can inflict trauma on somebody while still loving them, regardless of why you are able to inflict trauma.

+2

You are completely missing the point. They aren't in their minds. They can't see they are inflicting trauma. They think they will never get caught and the fact they are discreet and going through great lengths to make sure it never gets out is part of 'the love' in their mind.

I didn't say it wasn't messed up. I'm telling you many of these people do have deep love for their spouse and children, family.

I'm not missing the point. I assume we have a different definition of love. I think that if you love somebody, you don't severely hurt them, no matter how much you think you love them or how many warm fuzzy feelings you have toward them.

ONE MORE TIME, they aren't hurting them if they don't know it's happening. In 60% or so of marriages, the other spouse has zero clue this is going on and the cheater is compartmentalizing. In their minds severely hurting them would be by not being discreet or flaunting it in their face or treating them poorly in the marriage. Love to them is taking good care of their spouse, providing, loving, etc...and that compartmentalized side sex once a month or so means nothing and they don't think about it once they are gone.

The hurt only comes after they get discovered and then their worlds collide and implode. Many broken people that fooled themselves what they were doing wasn't wrong and wouldn't hurt anyone come to find how untrue their former belief system was.

And, we don't have a different view at all. I would (and never have) cheated on anyone or slept with anyone who was married when I was single myself. I am the biggest anti-adultery, cheater basher out there.

What I'm telling you is that in disordered minds they are able to love someone and due to poor coping skills. childhood trauma and mental illness--they think they will never get caught so they aren't hurting them. The other person doesn't matter to them and they don't think they are hurting their spouse, but protecting them by going through great lengths to hide any impropriety.

Okay fine, I don't think you can truly love somebody and do something, for a period of years, that poses a huge risk of seriously hurting your spouse. Disordered mind or not. To me the definition of love doesn't change due to childhood trauma or poor coping skills or whatever. What is love to them is not love to me.

Yes. You got there. I am with you on that. I was just telling you it's not that way for some, particularly people that grew up in dysfunctional homes. I saw a loving 52year+ marriage as my role model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

The degree of compassion you feel or don't is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

Where was someone asking you to rank the compassion you felt to a war refugee? Why so black and white? It’s not either/or, it’s yes/and.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

Based on your performance here I am having a hard time seeing you mustering compassion for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

Have you ever discovered your spouse was cheating? If not, sit down.

THIS. Big reveals that shatter trust can leave you frozen. My DH was closet drinking. We had alcoholics in our family and promised we would never do that. The day I found his stash of empty bottles he hadn’t had time to dump somewhere else, it felt like the world stopped. One of many repeating thoughts was what else could he be hiding?

Trust is a precious commodity. When it dissolves in an instant, you can’t move because you question everything you thought to be true. I can only imagine how this has impacted OP.

It is a mind f000k. Your world is turned upside now and you don't know what is true anymore. You don't trust anything anymore. You look back and go over every single incident in your past. It is like a brain glitch.

When you are blindsided by a huge spousal breach of trust, when it’s a relationship with that much intimacy, the ripple effects go beyond that relationship.[b] You wonder how you can trust or believe in anything ever again.

Yes. And all the joie de vivre is sucked out of life. Nothing is what it seems and everything seems a danger.

This this this
+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

Where was someone asking you to rank the compassion you felt to a war refugee? Why so black and white? It’s not either/or, it’s yes/and.

It’s a Cheater that wants to think, hey I’m not causing that much trauma—his wife/my husband don’t have it so bad. I’m not bombing her/his country and leaving them without a home. It’s the mental gymnastics they use when assessing in what ways they are willing to act in a nefarious manner.

[Anonymous]

After she bangs 20 strange dudes behind her husband’s back, she looks at him and says “get over it, it’s not like you are a war refugee”. JFC. The true meaning of having zero empathy or compassion.

[Anonymous]

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

GO AWAY AND GROW A HEART!! OP has most definitely experienced trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

You clearly don't know what you're talking about.

People develop diagnosed PTSD from many events other than natural disasters, war and medical issues. Intense emotional distress can cause actual trauma that needs appropriate treatment as much as trauma caused by any source you name. Do not presume to tell others what "trauma" means for them unless you are a trauma specialist yourself. Oh, you're not? That's what I thought.

[/b]And if you think this is all simply about "texting someone else," you are completely oblivious to reality.[b]

Very much so. Having been cheated on and done the counseling, this does qualify as heavy trauma. Plus, this is not simply texting. He was intimate with this woman and carried on sexting for years after. He chose to stay in contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Idk what's happening to me. I'm basically in a catatonic state. I can't even think how to pack our bags and get us home.

OP your husband needs to take the lead on packing the bags and handling travel logistics. You're having a normal reaction to intense trauma. Tell him he has to do this as you are simply unable to handle it right now.

Just get home, OP. That's all you need to do right now.

Intense trauma is from surviving a natural disaster, fighting in a war, medical problem etc. NOT your husband texting someone else.

This is completely wrong from a medical and psychological perspective. Yes, those events are traumatic and survivors often have a trauma response, but trauma is about the lasting impact that an experience has on you. With complex trauma it can even be an ongoing experience or lack of a type of an experience (think emotional or physical neglect of a child for years etc).

Sorry, but you'll never get me to feel as much compassion for a well-off woman traveling overseas on holiday with her family who finds out, to her great surprise, that her husband, who has apparently been very loving and treated her well, has been briefly unfaithful to her, as for a war refugee. Those are different levels of "trauma," an overused word. Next we will be hearing that OP has been "gaslit."

Oh, you're one of the "someone else has it worse" people, right? Do you brow beat your kids about starving kids in Ethiopia when they don't want to finish their dinner?