Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

For me it took dating the popular guy in college and realizing how poorly he treated me to re-calibrate what I was looking for in my early to mid twenties, when I got out of that relationship. I decided to prioritize kindness stability and family/relationship oriented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened in prior generations is serious 5/6/7 rated white women before 1980 would end up with the white square engineer types.

Those men have moved on to Asian women in modern times at a way faster rate than the group of women I’m talking about have moved on interracially so there is a population mismatch/market clearance issue.

Huh? Statistics?? (other than your own anecdotes)

Pew did a large study.

White men out marriage rate is 20% higher than white women.

Asian women outmarriage rate is over 50% higher than Asian men.

Asian women lock down “square” white men in college and grad school and white women (who aren’t top tier but are “cute”) end up being a surplus.

this has been discussed a lot when posters who are over 30 ask about the market and people who reply say they have to compromise on some factors (either looks, money, race. Etc).

The best anecdata for this is if you attended a t10 school within the last 10-15 years and see the marriage trends of the men and women in your graduating class.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.


- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

I would say men like this are not one of “the good guys.” I know this type and they aren’t terrible human beings but you can see how they don’t really treat women all that well. They just want to take what they can and give as little as they can get away with. They aren’t very interested in who their SO is, just what they offer.

PP. For sure, I don’t think these guys are “good guys”.

But on the flip side, I don’t think females who target men for their earning potential are good, either. If you want money, make your own.

Basically my point is that it’s not enough to just be pretty anymore. You have to bring more to the table with these guys, they aren’t impressed by makeup or a nice body.

But what's impressive about them? They founded one company, big whoop.

Being a founder of a revenue creating company is a big whoop and makes them very attractive for gold diggers.

+1

This is true - because the gold diggers don't know the whole story, or where the money for the investment in the company came from, to begin with - for example.

Gold diggers are not too bright, by definition. I think the current generation is privy to what a gold digger smells like, thankfully.

Then the gold diggers can have these men. The rest of us will find men who are going to be good partners in your typical “happily married” sense.

Also a lot of men want gold diggers and there are smart gold diggers who know how to attract those men, so there is that.

Welp, no changing a gold diggers mind, no matter how miserable they are, IRL, I suppose - so there is that.

I have never met a gold digger who doesn't think she is so very smart, the first to pat herself on the back, but IRL is...not really smart, at all.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay if "good guy" means lots of money, I don't think you can learn how to get a guy like that. I think that women who marry men who make a lot of money usually do so by chance because they married somebody who later went on to make money. Or they are really, really hot and married somebody who was already making a lot of money.

If by "good guy" you mean somebody who can be a good partner in a truly happy marriage, where both parties like each other and care for each other and respond to the others' needs, you can learn that from parents, or you can do research on your own. I read the book "the seven principles that make marriage work" before I got married and so I think I could see red flags early on. I also did spend a lot of time dating. Somebody recommended to me that I go to ever social event I was invited to, so I did, and I both got some experience with men that made me more discerning and I built up my social skills.

Your second paragraph is brilliant, because you did not put money first, and that is how the good stuff follows.....

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

this is a dumb post.

DH is not athletic, doesn't have huge ambitions, sometimes socially awkward, but he's a great partner. Doesn't whine and complain about doing house chores or childcare. He does most of the grocery shopping, and cooking because I hate to cook.

The jocks and those with huge ambitions tend to be jerks and selfish because their high ambitions overshadow their partners wants and needs.

+1

Any population (this can be jocks or nerds, for that matter) can be selfish A-holes. The ones who have been told how great they are are usually the most selfish, and make the worst partners.

OTOH, worst partners can also be those with something to prove, and they can be very jealous, sour and man behind closed doors - yet present their "best humble selves" to the outside.

OP, truth is, you have no way of knowing who is a good partner. The one and only rule is that you have to start with a good human, whose ideas match yours in many (not all - but the most important) way. The rest comes later.

Many women feel like they just aren't "lucky" - but what is lacking is a genuine good attitude - you can't fake that - and if you think you can - you can't fake it for long.

Stop thinking anyone has a crystal ball - because they don't.

Even if you "marry rich" - that person usually has an ex-wife or two to pay, and kids to put through college, and help out - which is not cheap. If you marry divorced, don't think you will come first, because you won't.

Most people who "marry rich" when they are younger, did not marry rich at all, but built whatever they have together - which really counts for so much, and can't be replicated.

*mean behind closed doors

[Anonymous]

I knew pretty much forever that I wanted to be a SAHM (my mom worked a lot and I hated it) so starting in college I was only looking for very family-oriented guys who were interested in that type of life. I didn't date guys who were aimless, unsure about marriage and kids, etc. Looks/attraction were still important but secondary to the above.

I definitely have friends who married guys that fit the above description and didn't meet them until much later in life but I think its a lot harder. I was too nervous to find out - met and started dating DH senior year and got married a few years later.

[Anonymous]

Why are so many DC area women think money is most important?

There is a post on this topic almost every single week.

If I was a guy, I would be finding women elsewhere. I would not trust the women in this geographical area, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew pretty much forever that I wanted to be a SAHM (my mom worked a lot and I hated it) so starting in college I was only looking for very family-oriented guys who were interested in that type of life. I didn't date guys who were aimless, unsure about marriage and kids, etc. Looks/attraction were still important but secondary to the above.

I definitely have friends who married guys that fit the above description and didn't meet them until much later in life but I think its a lot harder. I was too nervous to find out - met and started dating DH senior year and got married a few years later.

Yeah but the women who post here don't want to do the work, they just want to marry a bank account.

By a certain age, that bank account belongs to the first wife, and the first set of kids.

[Anonymous]

Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

+1

I think some women think they can snag a guy like that from you - joke is on them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many DC area women think money is most important?

There is a post on this topic almost every single week.

If I was a guy, I would be finding women elsewhere. I would not trust the women in this geographical area, at all.

Dc women have a weird blend of high standards but aren’t nyc/la/Milan/madrid women.

You should have high standards but not when you aren’t high standard yourself.

Take you median umc “consultant” 30-40 year old and place them in a umc neighborhood in Madrid and the former have an extra 30-40 lbs on the latter but also have higher standards than the latter.

Bizarre!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

If you were feeling as secure as you claim, you wouldn't be on this forum. Protest all you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many DC area women think money is most important?

There is a post on this topic almost every single week.

If I was a guy, I would be finding women elsewhere. I would not trust the women in this geographical area, at all.

Because it’s expensive and they’re realizing two 150k jobs or even two 200k jobs isn’t buying them the lifestyle they want (which, with inflated housing prices, is now a 2-3 mil house, 2 private school tuitions, 2 luxury vehicles, and at least 30k of international travel).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UGH. I was taught to use my looks to snag a rich man early. That life SUCKS.

Whoever has the money makes the rules. It’s absolutely not worth it.

Make your own money. I’ve found it much more fulfilling to invest the time and energy I spend snagging my rich xH into building myself, and it’s a million times better.

This right here ladies.

Never depend on a man. Ever.

by the way nerds cheat too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

If you were feeling as secure as you claim, you wouldn't be on this forum. Protest all you like.

DP. This is stupid. Only unhappy and miserable people get to post on relationship forums? Weird flex, but okay?