Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many DC area women think money is most important?

There is a post on this topic almost every single week.

If I was a guy, I would be finding women elsewhere. I would not trust the women in this geographical area, at all.

Because it’s expensive and they’re realizing two 150k jobs or even two 200k jobs isn’t buying them the lifestyle they want (which, with inflated housing prices, is now a 2-3 mil house, 2 private school tuitions, 2 luxury vehicles, and at least 30k of international travel).

Bottom line is things that can be fixed by spending money makes life easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened in prior generations is serious 5/6/7 rated white women before 1980 would end up with the white square engineer types.

Those men have moved on to Asian women in modern times at a way faster rate than the group of women I’m talking about have moved on interracially so there is a population mismatch/market clearance issue.

Huh? Statistics?? (other than your own anecdotes)

Pew did a large study.

White men out marriage rate is 20% higher than white women.

Asian women outmarriage rate is over 50% higher than Asian men.

Asian women lock down “square” white men in college and grad school and white women (who aren’t top tier but are “cute”) end up being a surplus.

this has been discussed a lot when posters who are over 30 ask about the market and people who reply say they have to compromise on some factors (either looks, money, race. Etc).

The best anecdata for this is if you attended a t10 school within the last 10-15 years and see the marriage trends of the men and women in your graduating class.

Interesting. I am a bit older (50s) but have noted that the most popular guys in my high school class, good looking and also smart, would have sex with about anyone who offered but waited to start seriously dating until their mid 20s, and then married Asian women they met in grad school.

I found a wonderful guy right after grad school, but he is shorter than me, which some women will not tolerate.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, you may think that these women are very smart that they managed to snag the good guys early in life, but I can assure you that it is the guys who are doing the chasing. These good guys -
- think that these women are exceptional and they must snag them fast,
- they don't hesitate to put a ring on it ASAP
- reach their potential as good husband/good father/good earner mainly because they have the backing of the smart girls.

Remember that men can have it all - a fulfilling career, good money, great married life and happy/healthy/high achieving kids. These good guys want the perfect woman who can help them to become successful in professional and personal life.

So it is not the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life, but it is the good guys who don't let the smart girls walk away from them. And when these guys meet these girls they do not wait. They recognize what an asset the right wife is. They also want the right mother for their future children. The marriage-shy, committment-phobic man marries quickly and becomes the perfect man, once he finds the perfect woman.

Don't underestimate men. They will chase down and marry the right woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

If you were feeling as secure as you claim, you wouldn't be on this forum. Protest all you like.

What, the relationship forum? Lol. I sort posts via recent topics and post on whatever is interesting. You’re free to think what you like but it doesn’t change the fact that I have a successful > 20 year relationship with the love of my life.

I think if you find someone who is the right fit for what you want in life, you should commit, even if you are young. At the time, I didn’t know this. We kept dating and dating because we were in love and had no reason to break up. However, now as a 40 something woman who sees how slim the pickings are for even beautiful, intelligent, dynamic, heterosexual women in their 30s and 40s? Lock the good ones up asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UGH. I was taught to use my looks to snag a rich man early. That life SUCKS.

Whoever has the money makes the rules. It’s absolutely not worth it.

Make your own money. I’ve found it much more fulfilling to invest the time and energy I spend snagging my rich xH into building myself, and it’s a million times better.

This right here ladies.

Never depend on a man. Ever.

by the way nerds cheat too.

of course, but nerds make better husbands, generally. This is all generalization, of course.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/06/facebook-exec-sheryl-sandberg-marry-the-nerds.html

Or at least, the ones who support your dreams and ambitions as much as his own. Alpha males aren't as supportive of their wives'/GFs ambitions if those get in the way of their own. They don't tend to want equal partnerships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened in prior generations is serious 5/6/7 rated white women before 1980 would end up with the white square engineer types.

Those men have moved on to Asian women in modern times at a way faster rate than the group of women I’m talking about have moved on interracially so there is a population mismatch/market clearance issue.

Huh? Statistics?? (other than your own anecdotes)

Pew did a large study.

White men out marriage rate is 20% higher than white women.

Asian women outmarriage rate is over 50% higher than Asian men.

Asian women lock down “square” white men in college and grad school and white women (who aren’t top tier but are “cute”) end up being a surplus.

this has been discussed a lot when posters who are over 30 ask about the market and people who reply say they have to compromise on some factors (either looks, money, race. Etc).

The best anecdata for this is if you attended a t10 school within the last 10-15 years and see the marriage trends of the men and women in your graduating class.

Interesting. I am a bit older (50s) but have noted that the most popular guys in my high school class, good looking and also smart, would have sex with about anyone who offered but waited to start seriously dating until their mid 20s, and then married Asian women they met in grad school.

I found a wonderful guy right after grad school, but he is shorter than me, which some women will not tolerate.

Was this high school in a posh suburb in CA by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, you may think that these women are very smart that they managed to snag the good guys early in life, but I can assure you that it is the guys who are doing the chasing. These good guys -
- think that these women are exceptional and they must snag them fast,
- they don't hesitate to put a ring on it ASAP
- reach their potential as good husband/good father/good earner mainly because they have the backing of the smart girls.

Remember that men can have it all - a fulfilling career, good money, great married life and happy/healthy/high achieving kids. These good guys want the perfect woman who can help them to become successful in professional and personal life.

So it is not the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life, but it is the good guys who don't let the smart girls walk away from them. And when these guys meet these girls they do not wait. They recognize what an asset the right wife is. They also want the right mother for their future children. The marriage-shy, committment-phobic man marries quickly and becomes the perfect man, once he finds the perfect woman.

Don't underestimate men. They will chase down and marry the right woman.

This is true. The PP who is claiming her posts started this is saying all this stuff in retrospect. She didn’t know at the time how it would turn out. No one does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UGH. I was taught to use my looks to snag a rich man early. That life SUCKS.

Whoever has the money makes the rules. It’s absolutely not worth it.

Make your own money. I’ve found it much more fulfilling to invest the time and energy I spend snagging my rich xH into building myself, and it’s a million times better.

This right here ladies.

Never depend on a man. Ever.

by the way nerds cheat too.

of course, but nerds make better husbands, generally. This is all generalization, of course.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/06/facebook-exec-sheryl-sandberg-marry-the-nerds.html

Or at least, the ones who support your dreams and ambitions as much as his own. Alpha males aren't as supportive of their wives'/GFs ambitions if those get in the way of their own. They don't tend to want equal partnerships.

Anecdotally, I find this to be true, especially as we age. It’s always better for the man to have to chase the woman, just a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haha, that was my post, in the other thread.

I didn’t know my DH would make a lot of money. I wasn’t that cynical or jaded and I had little understanding of how the world worked anyway. Honestly, back then I thought 200k was a lot of money But what I did know was that he was a great catch in the traditional sense: very smart, very hardworking, ambitious, driven, yet also humble and down to earth. I also knew he was really nice, kind, and cute (and tall! I wanted someone who was at least 6’0) but he didn’t know he was cute. He was shy around girls and I think he got friend zoned by a couple crushes. He only had one serious girlfriend before me.

Funny thing is, once I started dating him, at least 3 girls that I know of tried to get with him (and his ex tried to come back!) but he was loyal to me by then. Fwiw, I’ve posted about him before and been told that he’s a “unicorn husband” in that he makes a lot of money and yet is still very present in our home. He does all the grocery shopping and cooking, he’s extremely handy around the house, he helps our kids study, he takes them to birthday parties, he buys gifts for his side of the family and manages his own relationships with them - all that shit that women usually complain about. We don’t have any of those housework/mental load problems. He’s definitely a much better partner to me than I am to him. I’m not sure what he sees in me, tbh. But he’s an adoring husband who tells me he loves me all the time, still buys me flowers and thoughtful gifts, arranges for romantic getaway weekends, etc.

I do think you have to get these types of guys young.

If you were feeling as secure as you claim, you wouldn't be on this forum. Protest all you like.

DP. This is stupid. Only unhappy and miserable people get to post on relationship forums? Weird flex, but okay?

The weird flex is coming onto a forum where people discuss relationship issues to assure everyone how happy you are. That's the weird flex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

x 1000

Has anyone else noticed that hookup culture hasn’t really benefitted women at all? It’s nice that we don’t have to marry the first dude we sleep with anymore! So that was progress. But it didn’t stop there and somehow that’s morphed into a bunch of Peter Pans who are socially validated into staying single until their late thirties!

Anyway, why assume a woman who gets married at 23 doesn’t have a job? I would assume that’s rare. People usually don’t quit until the kids come along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

I'm a repeat poster on here, married to a "boring" but great guy.. I would never tell my DD to get serious at 23. Ever. I would discourage it. Neither of my nieces got serious at 23. They were still trying to figure out their careers, and grow up themselves. My sister got married at 23, and she regrets it to this day. She told her DDs (my nieces) to not get married so young.

You can find nice guys in your late 20s, early 30s, but they won't be that unicorn: good looking, makes a lot of money, good partner/father, and faithful. If you manage to find this unicorn, you are supremely lucky. But, most guys, and most people for that matter, don't have the entire package. And if a woman is waiting for that whole package, more than likely, she'll be waiting for a very very long time.

That doesn't mean you have to settle, but it does mean your expectations should be realistic.

I snagged my good guy when I was 30.

What if you find that guy at 23? You should throw him back into the dating pool to keep chasing after Peter Pans who never want to grow up (or at least until after age 40)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

x 1000

Has anyone else noticed that hookup culture hasn’t really benefitted women at all? It’s nice that we don’t have to marry the first dude we sleep with anymore! So that was progress. But it didn’t stop there and somehow that’s morphed into a bunch of Peter Pans who are socially validated into staying single until their late thirties!

Anyway, why assume a woman who gets married at 23 doesn’t have a job? I would assume that’s rare. People usually don’t quit until the kids come along.

💯

This is why rich girls from gen z are getting married earlier than their gen x and millennial sisters…they saw how things didn’t work out that great for the previous generatio

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, you may think that these women are very smart that they managed to snag the good guys early in life, but I can assure you that it is the guys who are doing the chasing. These good guys -
- think that these women are exceptional and they must snag them fast,
- they don't hesitate to put a ring on it ASAP
- reach their potential as good husband/good father/good earner mainly because they have the backing of the smart girls.

Remember that men can have it all - a fulfilling career, good money, great married life and happy/healthy/high achieving kids. These good guys want the perfect woman who can help them to become successful in professional and personal life.

So it is not the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life, but it is the good guys who don't let the smart girls walk away from them. And when these guys meet these girls they do not wait. They recognize what an asset the right wife is. They also want the right mother for their future children. The marriage-shy, committment-phobic man marries quickly and becomes the perfect man, once he finds the perfect woman.

Don't underestimate men. They will chase down and marry the right woman.

I’m a millennial that bucked the convention of my peers and married in my mid 20s. I don’t think any of this is correct. I know many absolutely wonderful women who would never have even seriously considered an engagement when I was getting married because they thought young marriage was for women in flyover states with no ambition. In contrast I dated with an eye to young marriage because I was worried about my fertility. I had to screen guys carefully because they were mostly not serious/time wasters. And they were happy to waste the time of top notch women because, being young, they naively thought there was a bottomless well of great choices in their future. Most ended up settling for whoever they happened to be dating when they felt ready to marry instead of making sure to get the best woman they could. There’s even a saying: “women want to get married when they find the right guy, men want to marry when they found the right time.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when he was 22 out dancing (I was a little older). He was not just good to me, but he was good to everyone else, too. I didn't really fall in love with him, I more deeply appreciated who he was as a person and loved that about him. We got married, have been married more than 20 years. He doesn't make a lot of money according to DCUM standards, but we are living a solid middle class life and are very happy. I've grown to love him very, very much. He's a good person, partner, and father.

No matter how old you are, look for men who are good people. Deep down kind of good. Money comes and goes, but that kind of good carries people through.

Were you concerned about marrying someone you had not fallen in love with?

That is not something I would never consider.

I am happy it worked out for you…but how did you decide to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want.

This^. A solid degree and a stable career serve you better than any guy with perceived or real potential. One in hand is better than two in the air.

Why not both? Lol.