Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Well, then guys should also go after National Merit Scholars and GPA queens

What does your resume have to do with having a good relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Don't waste time on incompatible people, or people who behave badly or treat you badly. Try to avoid becoming emotionally attached to someone who isn't a good match-- that way lies heartache.

2) You have to behave. No excessive drinking, no over-spending or consumer debt, take your education and job seriously, don't be flaky, have generally polite manners.

3) This kind of guy is a "builder" personality type. They're looking for a reliable teammate who will work with them on the long-term project of family and career. If you're not into that, that's fine. But that's what this kind of guy is like, and they usually pair with other "builder" personalities. The really successful long-term marriages are often between two builders.

Love this #3 - I had never thought about it that way

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.


- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

I would say men like this are not one of “the good guys.” I know this type and they aren’t terrible human beings but you can see how they don’t really treat women all that well. They just want to take what they can and give as little as they can get away with. They aren’t very interested in who their SO is, just what they offer.

PP. For sure, I don’t think these guys are “good guys”.

But on the flip side, I don’t think females who target men for their earning potential are good, either. If you want money, make your own.

Basically my point is that it’s not enough to just be pretty anymore. You have to bring more to the table with these guys, they aren’t impressed by makeup or a nice body.

But what's impressive about them? They founded one company, big whoop.

Being a founder of a revenue creating company is a big whoop and makes them very attractive for gold diggers.

+1

This is true - because the gold diggers don't know the whole story, or where the money for the investment in the company came from, to begin with - for example.

Gold diggers are not too bright, by definition. I think the current generation is privy to what a gold digger smells like, thankfully.

Then the gold diggers can have these men. The rest of us will find men who are going to be good partners in your typical “happily married” sense.

Also a lot of men want gold diggers and there are smart gold diggers who know how to attract those men, so there is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, then guys should also go after National Merit Scholars and GPA queens instead of going for cheerleaders and sorority girls.

It’s interesting to me that there is so much dichotomous thinking on this thread and on this forum generally. You can be both a National Merit Scholar and in a sorority. I was.

Yes, I was also both an NMS and in a sorority. And I am in a very happy long term marriage with a husband who was in a fraternity, shockingly enough, haha.

A lot of people here seem to want to make broad generalizations about what makes a person a good marriage partner, but it just doesn’t work that way. People are all different and they want and need different qualities in a partner. There’s no one size fits all formula for a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

What is a bro? What’s a nice guy? How do you identify which is which?

All I know is I have an incredible father who is kind and hardworking and adored me. But he also had an incredible career and would speak at conferences and state dinners. From that I was always attracted to guys who were smooth and knew how to speak well. This always gets me in trouble!

Not the diplomat daughter again!!

Shouldn’t diplomat daughter have found someone through her dad’s network?

Isn’t Hunter Biden single?

[Anonymous]

Okay if "good guy" means lots of money, I don't think you can learn how to get a guy like that. I think that women who marry men who make a lot of money usually do so by chance because they married somebody who later went on to make money. Or they are really, really hot and married somebody who was already making a lot of money.

If by "good guy" you mean somebody who can be a good partner in a truly happy marriage, where both parties like each other and care for each other and respond to the others' needs, you can learn that from parents, or you can do research on your own. I read the book "the seven principles that make marriage work" before I got married and so I think I could see red flags early on. I also did spend a lot of time dating. Somebody recommended to me that I go to ever social event I was invited to, so I did, and I both got some experience with men that made me more discerning and I built up my social skills.

[Anonymous]

What happened in prior generations is serious 5/6/7 rated white women before 1980 would end up with the white square engineer types.

Those men have moved on to Asian women in modern times at a way faster rate than the group of women I’m talking about have moved on interracially so there is a population mismatch/market clearance issue.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband when he was 22 out dancing (I was a little older). He was not just good to me, but he was good to everyone else, too. I didn't really fall in love with him, I more deeply appreciated who he was as a person and loved that about him. We got married, have been married more than 20 years. He doesn't make a lot of money according to DCUM standards, but we are living a solid middle class life and are very happy. I've grown to love him very, very much. He's a good person, partner, and father.

No matter how old you are, look for men who are good people. Deep down kind of good. Money comes and goes, but that kind of good carries people through.

[Anonymous]

American women party too much and have high body count they should focus on less flashy frat jock men and get married before they fall apart around age 29

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when he was 22 out dancing (I was a little older). He was not just good to me, but he was good to everyone else, too. I didn't really fall in love with him, I more deeply appreciated who he was as a person and loved that about him. We got married, have been married more than 20 years. He doesn't make a lot of money according to DCUM standards, but we are living a solid middle class life and are very happy. I've grown to love him very, very much. He's a good person, partner, and father.

No matter how old you are, look for men who are good people. Deep down kind of good. Money comes and goes, but that kind of good carries people through.

+1. DH is a generous and kind man to everyone. It’s made me a better person to be married to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when he was 22 out dancing (I was a little older). He was not just good to me, but he was good to everyone else, too. I didn't really fall in love with him, I more deeply appreciated who he was as a person and loved that about him. We got married, have been married more than 20 years. He doesn't make a lot of money according to DCUM standards, but we are living a solid middle class life and are very happy. I've grown to love him very, very much. He's a good person, partner, and father.

No matter how old you are, look for men who are good people. Deep down kind of good. Money comes and goes, but that kind of good carries people through.

I don't understand why so many people are interpreting OP to mean a guy who makes money rather than a guy like this. She said "the good guys." It's sad to me that people immediately started talking about money. I guess she is posting on DCUM so maybe that's the question she was asking anyway.

And if that's the question: it was luck, OP. When we married at 23 and 24 we had no idea what life held for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, then guys should also go after National Merit Scholars and GPA queens instead of going for cheerleaders and sorority girls.

It’s interesting to me that there is so much dichotomous thinking on this thread and on this forum generally. You can be both a National Merit Scholar and in a sorority. I was.

Yes, I was also both an NMS and in a sorority. And I am in a very happy long term marriage with a husband who was in a fraternity, shockingly enough, haha.

A lot of people here seem to want to make broad generalizations about what makes a person a good marriage partner, but it just doesn’t work that way. People are all different and they want and need different qualities in a partner. There’s no one size fits all formula for a happy marriage.

I’m the PP and I agree. My husband wasn’t in a fraternity, but we did meet in college. We married shortly after graduation, 33 years ago. Yesterday we were talking about how incredibly fortunate we have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband when he was 22 out dancing (I was a little older). He was not just good to me, but he was good to everyone else, too. I didn't really fall in love with him, I more deeply appreciated who he was as a person and loved that about him. We got married, have been married more than 20 years. He doesn't make a lot of money according to DCUM standards, but we are living a solid middle class life and are very happy. I've grown to love him very, very much. He's a good person, partner, and father.

No matter how old you are, look for men who are good people. Deep down kind of good. Money comes and goes, but that kind of good carries people through.

I don't understand why so many people are interpreting OP to mean a guy who makes money rather than a guy like this. She said "the good guys." It's sad to me that people immediately started talking about money. I guess she is posting on DCUM so maybe that's the question she was asking anyway.

And if that's the question: it was luck, OP. When we married at 23 and 24 we had no idea what life held for us.

Read the very first sentence of the OP’s post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American women party too much and have high body count they should focus on less flashy frat jock men and get married before they fall apart around age 29

I don’t know about differences in body count but dc women vs Milano — American women (and men) age so poorly.

Ngl the older I get, the less america makes sense to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened in prior generations is serious 5/6/7 rated white women before 1980 would end up with the white square engineer types.

Those men have moved on to Asian women in modern times at a way faster rate than the group of women I’m talking about have moved on interracially so there is a population mismatch/market clearance issue.

Huh? Statistics?? (other than your own anecdotes)