If all your siblings went on vacation without you, would you be hurt?

[Anonymous]

OP, do what you want, obviously. But you are never going to get consensus from DCUM that inviting your youngest sister is the right thing to do, unless you believe your middle sister would be chill about it and get it. The fact that you have created this post in the first place indicates that isn't your family dynamic.

Stop defending yourself, make your choice, then maybe come back after the trip and tell us how it all turned out. (BTW, you mentioned this trip might even get postponed an entire year, which would change the dynamic a bit.)

[Anonymous]

Every update op gives is very weird. She says they are close but obviously not close enough to be honest?

Some of the only people I can tell the straight up unvarnished truth to is family. “We want you to come but we’re going to be doing challenging runs. So either come on your ow, leave the kids, or get a babysitter while you’re here.”

[Anonymous]

OP, are your other 2 sisters on board with this? If one of my siblings suggested this, I would not be ok with excluding just one sibling.

So, I don't think you should do it on the first place, but if you're determined, you should at least see if the included sisters would go along with it before you spend any more energy on it. One of them may say no, and then that's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every update op gives is very weird. She says they are close but obviously not close enough to be honest?

Some of the only people I can tell the straight up unvarnished truth to is family. “We want you to come but we’re going to be doing challenging runs. So either come on your ow, leave the kids, or get a babysitter while you’re here.”

OP here,

I feel like people are reading this thread and getting some entirely different idea from what I am saying. I can't tell the unvarnished truth and say "we want you to come" because I do not want my sister to come. I have absolutely no desire to take this vacation with her and her kids, or with her resenting me because I made her leave the baby behind. That has nothing to do with me loving her. It's just that different people you love are suited for different kinds of activities.

I'm not worried how to tell her we're going. I talk to my sisters all the time. I just wanted advice on whether people think it's OK to invite my baby sister #4.

My oldest sister, the one planning the trip, would also rather not take the trip, than take it with sister #3. She asked me what I thought about bringing sister #4. Sister #4 has not yet been consulted, but we'll need to make that decision soon so that she can request off work.

[Anonymous]

With the thread growing and OP responding the way she is, I think she is looking for narcissistic supply st this point. If this is such a big deal OP, talk to someone like a therapist. Seriously--just decide to hurt your sisters feelings or not. For anyone with half a heart, it isn't an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every update op gives is very weird. She says they are close but obviously not close enough to be honest?

Some of the only people I can tell the straight up unvarnished truth to is family. “We want you to come but we’re going to be doing challenging runs. So either come on your ow, leave the kids, or get a babysitter while you’re here.”

OP here,

I feel like people are reading this thread and getting some entirely different idea from what I am saying. I can't tell the unvarnished truth and say "we want you to come" because I do not want my sister to come. I have absolutely no desire to take this vacation with her and her kids, or with her resenting me because I made her leave the baby behind. That has nothing to do with me loving her. It's just that different people you love are suited for different kinds of activities.

I'm not worried how to tell her we're going. I talk to my sisters all the time. I just wanted advice on whether people think it's OK to invite my baby sister #4.

My oldest sister, the one planning the trip, would also rather not take the trip, than take it with sister #3. She asked me what I thought about bringing sister #4. Sister #4 has not yet been consulted, but we'll need to make that decision soon so that she can request off work.

Np. I would just go with my older sister and her kids and leave #4 out. This way you won't hurt younger sisters' feelings and you can keep things simple and have fun with your eldest sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the best thing to do would be to take a trip with your bother sisters separately. You go skiing with your boss with the same age kids
You do something else with your baby sister.

That would be ideal. I don't have that kind of budget, or that amount of leave from work.

So do something small or a weekend trip with your baby sister. Plenty of deals.

[Anonymous]

Why are some of you so dense? I'm convinced some of these replies are simply OP agreeing with herself.

I don't think anyone has said you have to do everything together all the time, but it's pretty messed up to claim you are taking a sister or family vacation and then exclude one of the sisters.

[Anonymous]

I'd be crushed. You would ruin your relationship with that sister for a generation.

[Anonymous]

I assure you I am not OP but would in no way care, nor want to be invited to a vacation that was not well suited for my family or period of my life.
I have a great relationship with my 3 sisters but am closer to 2 due to children ages being close. The 4th is invited when it makes sense and would be conducive to her family (she has way more kids who are older than the rest of ours).

Many of us do our own things or invite 1-2 others and their families. We see eachother all at holidays or birthdays so it really isn't that big of deal to not be included in every other event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every update op gives is very weird. She says they are close but obviously not close enough to be honest?

Some of the only people I can tell the straight up unvarnished truth to is family. “We want you to come but we’re going to be doing challenging runs. So either come on your ow, leave the kids, or get a babysitter while you’re here.”

OP here,

I feel like people are reading this thread and getting some entirely different idea from what I am saying. I can't tell the unvarnished truth and say "we want you to come" because I do not want my sister to come. I have absolutely no desire to take this vacation with her and her kids, or with her resenting me because I made her leave the baby behind. That has nothing to do with me loving her. It's just that different people you love are suited for different kinds of activities.

I'm not worried how to tell her we're going. I talk to my sisters all the time. I just wanted advice on whether people think it's OK to invite my baby sister #4.

My oldest sister, the one planning the trip, would also rather not take the trip, than take it with sister #3. She asked me what I thought about bringing sister #4. Sister #4 has not yet been consulted, but we'll need to make that decision soon so that she can request off work.

OMG. If you and your older sister both want to take the youngest sister, then just do it. No one here can stop you. It would be a shitty thing to do, but you both want to do it, so there it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assure you I am not OP but would in no way care, nor want to be invited to a vacation that was not well suited for my family or period of my life.
I have a great relationship with my 3 sisters but am closer to 2 due to children ages being close. The 4th is invited when it makes sense and would be conducive to her family (she has way more kids who are older than the rest of ours).

Many of us do our own things or invite 1-2 others and their families. We see eachother all at holidays or birthdays so it really isn't that big of deal to not be included in every other event.

An invitation is not a summons. If the other sister decides it's not well suited for her family, she can certainly say no. But obviously, the OP thinks she WILL say yes. Which is why she has no intention of asking her to come.

[Anonymous]

Omg you are really committed to being an asshole OP. Inviting the youngest sister is a huge mistake and will undoubtedly hurt feelings. I would be SO sad if I were the sister with younger kids. It’s really not fun being left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do you people honestly invite every member of your family every time you do something fun?
I mean I have a sister who loves to go skiing so we do that I have two sisters who love to bake so we get together and do that my other sister does scrapbooking so I do that with her. Why this need to include everyone I seriously don't get it. I mean for holidays or a birthday party sure for just a family vacation?

No offense but I would hate to be invited to everything my sisters planned or did that seems totally exhausting. And I really want to want to have to make up excuses for why I didn't want to go do stuff that I wasn't interested in or that wasn't a good fit for my family. Because if families like yours are expecting to hang out all the time yeah you're probably going to be upset when I bail.
Are my family you invite who you think would want to go and who you want to be with if they say no they say no no one really cares. We'll have great relationships and do tons together just not every single thing.

I consider my family close and no drama and we don't do the insane invitation shenanigans that OP is talking about. We do coordinate things among people who are interested and not others but we never hide it from each other, and if someone wants to join unexpectedly, they are welcome. The issue here is that OP actively does not want her sister to come, not that there is a coordination among people with shared interests.

But I agree with the PP who said above that OP is just a narcissist seeking validation at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do you people honestly invite every member of your family every time you do something fun?
I mean I have a sister who loves to go skiing so we do that I have two sisters who love to bake so we get together and do that my other sister does scrapbooking so I do that with her. Why this need to include everyone I seriously don't get it. I mean for holidays or a birthday party sure for just a family vacation?

No offense but I would hate to be invited to everything my sisters planned or did that seems totally exhausting. And I really want to want to have to make up excuses for why I didn't want to go do stuff that I wasn't interested in or that wasn't a good fit for my family. Because if families like yours are expecting to hang out all the time yeah you're probably going to be upset when I bail.
Are my family you invite who you think would want to go and who you want to be with if they say no they say no no one really cares. We'll have great relationships and do tons together just not every single thing.

I consider my family close and no drama and we don't do the insane invitation shenanigans that OP is talking about. We do coordinate things among people who are interested and not others but we never hide it from each other, and if someone wants to join unexpectedly, they are welcome. The issue here is that OP actively does not want her sister to come, not that there is a coordination among people with shared interests.

But I agree with the PP who said above that OP is just a narcissist seeking validation at this point.

Right, it's not a matter of the 3rd sister not being interested. It's pretty clear that the 3rd sister WOULD come if invited, but sisters 1 and 2 don't want her to come. So that's fine if 1 and 2 want to go together and not invite her, but then to invite sister 4 is just awful. I truly cannot fathom the thought process here.