How to interpret a "no children" wedding invitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9yo. Just knowing the Wedding was in a brewery would not make me think no kids unless the invite specifically said so. Breweries have family events all the time..

Except the bride and groom have literally said no guests under 21. So would you still be in the dark?

I don't understand why the bride and groom felt the need to make this "brewery, therefore no children" declaration. If they sent their invites appropriately and thoughtfully addressed there should be no need to throw out this weird blanket statement. If invites are not extended to children then "Family" or children's names would not be on the invite.

Not everyone understands that names on the invitation = invitees for the wedding. OP aside, perhaps friends who were invited have inquired or made assumptions about their kids.

[Anonymous]

I would not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that your 13 and 16 yo will be "disappointed" at having to stay in the hotel and watch movies instead of attending? Or is it you who wants to make a point?

Most 3 & 16 year old's I know would happily miss a wedding and reception.

[Anonymous]

13, not 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

Wear masks. Maybe do an Air BnB or hotel with a kitchenette so you don't have to eat out every meal?

It'll be ok. Go and have fun.

WTF. First, you're complaining that your teens weren't invited, and you were sad.

Now, it was all a misunderstanding and you're not sure you want to go anyway, even though you claim to love the niece and seem so close to her.

And, what, sending paper invitations spreads covid? And flying around the country and staying in strange places and gathering at a wedding is ok? Even though you say you're concerned.

Yeah, her kids were explicitly invited, but she was offended that maybe they weren't, and now there's all this awful pressure to attend. Make up your mind, OP.

Where did you get that OP was offended? She thought the kids were invited. Saw the "no kids" thing on the wedding website. Wanted to clarify whether the kids were in fact invited or not. Some lunatic on this board then became consumed with the wedding invite and whose names were on it and kept insisting that obviously OP's kids were not invited, and decided to run ramrod over anyone who suggested there was some ambiguity in the situation. OP's spouse checked with the couple and learned that the kids are invited - now OP is wondering if it's safe to go given COVID. (Kids are old enough to be vaccinated, so seems ok to me but we all have different risk tolerances.)

It's a pretty normal situation, barring that one person who is VERY invested in OP's kids not going to this wedding.

[Anonymous]

This thread is nuts. What a bunch of lunatics.

OP, hope you and your family have a fun time at the wedding!

[Anonymous]

I had a no kids wedding and of course brother was all offended then insisted on bringing his kids until I finally said yes. When he realized that this evening wedding was really a “no kids” formal small event he got all embarrassed, made a big scene and then left in a huff. The whole thing was ridiculous as he even had grandparents locally who could have watched the kids for the 3 hour event. I guess he felt he was an expert and wanted to plan my wedding for me? Planning a wedding during the COVID aftermath is even more difficult. If you feel strongly that you just can’t bear to be separated from your kids for a few hours just check no in the RSVP. Let the bride and groom have their day. It’s not up to you to plan their wedding !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask. We had a weird situation where we weren't going to attend a family wedding because it was "no kids" but when the parents of the bride heard this, we were informed that kids within the close family could come. The couple was later among their friend group to marry so if everyone brought kids it would have been like a toddler daycare. We triple checked with the couple because we didn't want to appear presumptuous, and made it clear that we were fine either way, just wanted to clarify.

This does not sound like a “weird situation.” This sounds like a situation where you threw a hissy fit and caused a problem for the bride and groom and they accommodated you. If your children had been invited, they would have been ON THE INVITATION OMG.

THE NAMES OF THE INVITED PEOPLE ARE ON THE INVITATION

“We are fine either way, just wanted to clarify” haha you are terrible. So rude. So self-centered.

NP-I don't think they were rude. Situations get messy with kids and weddings all of the time. When we got a save the date card for my cousin's wedding it came to "The Smith Family". We planned our family vacation around this wedding since it was a 10 hour drive to a beach location. Our family included a 1 year old. When the actual invitation came it only had Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I reached out to my Aunt (mother of the groom) and she confirmed that the wedding reception had been switched to "no kids" but that we could bring our dd to the ceremony and she helped me find a babysitter for the reception. Then we get to the reception and there were no less than 15 kids ages 6mo to 12yrs old. Everyone we saw asked where our daughter was and they were confused when I said with a babysitter. It was a frustrating experience. A year later the groom's brother got married. He fixed the issues and made certain that all children were listed on the invitations with a separate RSVP card for the kids asking for age at the time of the wedding, food choices and movie choices. Kids were allowed to sit with their parents at the reception or go to the kid's room that was staffed with 4 babysitters and had toys, crafts and kid friendly food. It was the best wedding reception we have ever been to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9yo. Just knowing the Wedding was in a brewery would not make me think no kids unless the invite specifically said so. Breweries have family events all the time..

Except the bride and groom have literally said no guests under 21. So would you still be in the dark?

I don't understand why the bride and groom felt the need to make this "brewery, therefore no children" declaration. If they sent their invites appropriately and thoughtfully addressed there should be no need to throw out this weird blanket statement. If invites are not extended to children then "Family" or children's names would not be on the invite.

Most of the breweries I've been to have been very family friendly places so it doesn't make sense in any regard.

[Anonymous]

I would interpret no children as no one under the age of 18 unless in the wedding party. Sorry OP! But it's also a pandemic and it's a rotten time to fly across the country, so you're probably better off leaving the kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- whoever said that OP slept in late after posting at 3 am -- that's exactly what happened.

Grateful for all the responses -- even the snarky ones. Of course this was going to get some heated replies, just did not understand how heated.

For context, yes, we are a large family and most cousins have been really close. Our lovely niece is the eldest, and closer in age to us than the kids. I clearly understand the need to manage a large guest list. We watched her small backyard ceremony last year over zoom, and this is just the party she could not have during covid. Unfortunately, as many have pointed out, covid is still around us.

The invitations were sent online, both because less paper means less covid tracking, and because this is a big party for the wedding that had no guests last year. Kids were in fact named in the invitation, which is why we had assumed we were all going.

My spouse reached out to his sister for clarifications and it turns out that indeed, our kids (her youngest cousins) are invited. We will confirm with the bride, to make sure.

This now turns into our internal decision whether it's safe to go. All in my family are rearing to go. I'm concerned about stirring the covid pot, even though we are all vaccinated. Eastern WA where this is has low (<50%) vaccination rates and high COVID incidence. Wedding does require vaccination. but still. A lot of pressure to go, but I may still have to opt out. This covid resurgence really sucks.

Wear masks. Maybe do an Air BnB or hotel with a kitchenette so you don't have to eat out every meal?

It'll be ok. Go and have fun.

So what was the deal with the "no kids" brewery statement on the website? Was there a couple with young kids that was confused about whether or why they were not invited?

Anyway, hope your niece has a lovely day, whether you go or not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9yo. Just knowing the Wedding was in a brewery would not make me think no kids unless the invite specifically said so. Breweries have family events all the time..

Except the bride and groom have literally said no guests under 21. So would you still be in the dark?

I don't understand why the bride and groom felt the need to make this "brewery, therefore no children" declaration. If they sent their invites appropriately and thoughtfully addressed there should be no need to throw out this weird blanket statement. If invites are not extended to children then "Family" or children's names would not be on the invite.

Most of the breweries I've been to have been very family friendly places so it doesn't make sense in any regard.

Maybe they don’t want kids there and want everyone to have a good time, with only adults. I am a teacher and choose a profession working with kids. I like kids a lot. I still didn’t want them at the wedding. It was not worth the battle and I caved after many arguments with my mother. She was offended that all of the little kids may not be invited. There is nothing wrong with wanting an adult only evening without kids. I have teens now and they would not want to come to this anyway.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you're close enough to go to the wedding, you're close enough to have a conversation.

[Anonymous]

I allowed kids at mine and my 14 year old cousin shower up with a +1. Her argument was that they are TOTALLY IN LOVE and also taking AP classes so really should be considered adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An evening reception is no place for children anyway.

A 16 year old? What time do you think they go to bed?

Please point out where anyone said this had anything to do with “bedtime.” Thanks.