How to interpret a "no children" wedding invitation?

[Anonymous]

Our kids are teens -- 13 and 16. After twice delaying, our niece has finally settled on a wedding date in September. We bought the tickets, RSVPed, and tonight I was looking for her wedding registry when my eyes came accross their no-children policy: "Also, because our celebration will be at a brewery we request no children during the event. "

So... is this mean as nobody under 21? Nobody under 18? No young kids? yes for the older teen but no for the younger one?

The wedding is on the west coast, and it would be our first travel since covid. Kids are not in need of babysitting, but are old enough to be disappointed for not being able to attend their cousin's wedding. Not old enough to leave them home for a few days, but do we fly accross the States through the remains of the pandemics just for half the family to not be able to attend?

We have a large extended family, and have always cherished graduations, weddings or annual celebrations as ways to get together with loved ones. We have not had a chance to do any one of those things post covid, and this is a first event in our family. We are the youngest, and our children are the youngest among the cousins, all of whom are drinking age. So they will be, along with the younger generation of toddlers, the single ones of their cousins uninvited.

Would you politely decline?

[Anonymous]

I would decline because I would not fly across the country during a pandemic and I also would not attend a wedding right now.

The interpretation is that under 21s are not welcome.

[Anonymous]

No children means no one under 18. How tf would a 13 or 16 year old qualify?

[Anonymous]

Just ask them what it means re your specific kids.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are the only ones of the cousins who would be excluded, I wouldn’t go to this wedding. It sounds like a lot of work—flying cross country!—to rub it in their faces. Go on vacation as a family instead.

[Anonymous]

Since they mention brewery that seems to imply drinking age minimum. May not have intentionally thought about this excluding your kids, but there it is. They opted for an adults only venue it sounds like (it may be the brewery policy that no kids allowed, as opposed to a legal restriction). Is the wedding itself at the brewery or just the reception? Would they be able to attend the ceremony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are teens -- 13 and 16. After twice delaying, our niece has finally settled on a wedding date in September. We bought the tickets, RSVPed, and tonight I was looking for her wedding registry when my eyes came accross their no-children policy: "Also, because our celebration will be at a brewery we request no children during the event. "

So... is this mean as nobody under 21? Nobody under 18? No young kids? yes for the older teen but no for the younger one?

The wedding is on the west coast, and it would be our first travel since covid. Kids are not in need of babysitting, but are old enough to be disappointed for not being able to attend their cousin's wedding. Not old enough to leave them home for a few days, but do we fly accross the States through the remains of the pandemics just for half the family to not be able to attend?

We have a large extended family, and have always cherished graduations, weddings or annual celebrations as ways to get together with loved ones. We have not had a chance to do any one of those things post covid, and this is a first event in our family. We are the youngest, and our children are the youngest among the cousins, all of whom are drinking age. So they will be, along with the younger generation of toddlers, the single ones of their cousins uninvited.

Would you politely decline?

Did you get a mailed or emailed personal wedding invitation? If so, were your children’s names included?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are teens -- 13 and 16. After twice delaying, our niece has finally settled on a wedding date in September. We bought the tickets, RSVPed, and tonight I was looking for her wedding registry when my eyes came accross their no-children policy: "Also, because our celebration will be at a brewery we request no children during the event. "

So... is this mean as nobody under 21? Nobody under 18? No young kids? yes for the older teen but no for the younger one?

The wedding is on the west coast, and it would be our first travel since covid. Kids are not in need of babysitting, but are old enough to be disappointed for not being able to attend their cousin's wedding. Not old enough to leave them home for a few days, but do we fly accross the States through the remains of the pandemics just for half the family to not be able to attend?

We have a large extended family, and have always cherished graduations, weddings or annual celebrations as ways to get together with loved ones. We have not had a chance to do any one of those things post covid, and this is a first event in our family. We are the youngest, and our children are the youngest among the cousins, all of whom are drinking age. So they will be, along with the younger generation of toddlers, the single ones of their cousins uninvited.

Would you politely decline?

Yes, no children means your children aren't wanted. Why is this so hard to understand? It doesn't mean "no children, unless your children really, really want to come": you are being an a**hole if you try to guilt trip your niece into allowing you to bring your kids by asking her to clarify whether "no children" means that you can't bring your children. God, some people...

[Anonymous]

What's the arrangement for the cousins' toddlers? If they have child care set up, can you ask your sibling about what your kids might be able to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If your kids are the only ones of the cousins who would be excluded, I wouldn’t go to this wedding. It sounds like a lot of work—flying cross country!—to rub it in their faces. Go on vacation as a family instead.

Not everything needs to be about your kids! It is not rubbing it in their faces to explain that some weddings, which are about the people getting married (not the kids in the extended family), do not include children, and this one is held in a brewery. Just tell the kids that the wedding is only for adults: this is a GOOD life lesson.

[Anonymous]

Ask. We had a weird situation where we weren't going to attend a family wedding because it was "no kids" but when the parents of the bride heard this, we were informed that kids within the close family could come. The couple was later among their friend group to marry so if everyone brought kids it would have been like a toddler daycare. We triple checked with the couple because we didn't want to appear presumptuous, and made it clear that we were fine either way, just wanted to clarify.

[Anonymous]

PS but still would probably decline a wedding in California this pandemic.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go because I wouldn’t leave my 13 year old in a hotel by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If your kids are the only ones of the cousins who would be excluded, I wouldn’t go to this wedding. It sounds like a lot of work—flying cross country!—to rub it in their faces. Go on vacation as a family instead.

Not everything needs to be about your kids! It is not rubbing it in their faces to explain that some weddings, which are about the people getting married (not the kids in the extended family), do not include children, and this one is held in a brewery. Just tell the kids that the wedding is only for adults: this is a GOOD life lesson.

Huh? I’m the PP and I’m not suggesting she ask the bride and groom to change their event. I’m suggesting that she RSVP her regrets.

[Anonymous]

There's no interpretation needed. No children mean no, they aren't invited. It's not a slight to your family - it's not about the extended family it’s about the couple.

Go and the kids can entertain themselves for an evening at the hotel. Maybe they can join in there's a brunch or something the next day.

At their ages, they understand adults only & probably wouldn't have much fun anyway at a wedding.