Why does my partner pay $2400 a month child support for one kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorced but is this is a normal amount? Or does this mean that the ex wife makes a lot less? Is Child support even owed if you and your Dh make similar income?

sounds like there are big expenses like childcare or tuition.

Not always.

Private school is voluntary except if both parents agree. Child care is until age 5 if the mother/parents work and then before/after school care or camp. There are affortable ways if mom's income is lower. If mom chooses a private school and dad doesn't agree, she should fully pay for it.

This depends on the circumstances. If they child is not yet in private school when the parents divorce, it's pretty unlikely (barring unusual circumstances) that a judge would order a parent to pay for private school in the future if the parent didn't agree. But if the child is already in private school when the parents divorce, it is very common for parents to be ordered to continue to pay private school tuition until graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorced but is this is a normal amount? Or does this mean that the ex wife makes a lot less? Is Child support even owed if you and your Dh make similar income?

sounds like there are big expenses like childcare or tuition.

Not always.

Private school is voluntary except if both parents agree. Child care is until age 5 if the mother/parents work and then before/after school care or camp. There are affortable ways if mom's income is lower. If mom chooses a private school and dad doesn't agree, she should fully pay for it.

This depends on the circumstances. If they child is not yet in private school when the parents divorce, it's pretty unlikely (barring unusual circumstances) that a judge would order a parent to pay for private school in the future if the parent didn't agree. But if the child is already in private school when the parents divorce, it is very common for parents to be ordered to continue to pay private school tuition until graduation.

Correct, if it was already in place and it was something both or one parent could afford. But often, if there is a divorce, there isn't the extra $50K to spend.

[Anonymous]

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The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

so no support for college because you don’t like their mom? that’s cold.

Did I say that?

No. But support once a legal adult is now on his and, in part, my terms. Money won’t just be drained out with no boundaries and no input from their father. Which is the way their mother always wanted it. After 18 it is a different discussion.

you have a massive chip on your shoulder and sound like you’re salivating over the chance to manipulate with money.

You really have a one sided way of seeing thing and an even bigger chip on your shoulder. Once kids turn 18 they can negotiate college expenses and their relationship. If they choose not to have a relationship with Dad, he's well within his right to say no to college expenses. As an adult at 18, if you can decide to terminate a relationship ship, that's ok but don't expect someone to financially support you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's about $553 a week right? Is the kid in daycare? Daycare was a mortgage payment when I had kids in daycare, and that was like a decade ago.

Once the kid is out of daycare he can apply for a modification.

Not always, it depends on how the support is calculated. Some have child care separate and some don't. My husband paid a flat fee and that was it.

[Anonymous]

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The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

so no support for college because you don’t like their mom? that’s cold.

Did I say that?

No. But support once a legal adult is now on his and, in part, my terms. Money won’t just be drained out with no boundaries and no input from their father. Which is the way their mother always wanted it. After 18 it is a different discussion.

you have a massive chip on your shoulder and sound like you’re salivating over the chance to manipulate with money.

You really have a one sided way of seeing thing and an even bigger chip on your shoulder. Once kids turn 18 they can negotiate college expenses and their relationship. If they choose not to have a relationship with Dad, he's well within his right to say no to college expenses. As an adult at 18, if you can decide to terminate a relationship ship, that's ok but don't expect someone to financially support you.

This depends on the child support agreement. It's increasingly common for them to provide for college funding and/or support until age 21, specifically to guard against deadbeat parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great reason I put college as 50/50 into our agreement. Not enforceable as child support but absolutely enforceable in civil court. Just in case step Mom wants to try to but my child off.

Also all financial aid packets require both parents information so both parents should be contributing to college! I know too many friends and peers where one parent moved on and told them to go screw themselves. Leaving them and their one parent to scramble for loans.

This is not true. My husband's ex refused to provide him with all the college paperwork. And, he never signed anything or provided any documentation.

[Anonymous]

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The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

so no support for college because you don’t like their mom? that’s cold.

Did I say that?

No. But support once a legal adult is now on his and, in part, my terms. Money won’t just be drained out with no boundaries and no input from their father. Which is the way their mother always wanted it. After 18 it is a different discussion.

you have a massive chip on your shoulder and sound like you’re salivating over the chance to manipulate with money.

You really have a one sided way of seeing thing and an even bigger chip on your shoulder. Once kids turn 18 they can negotiate college expenses and their relationship. If they choose not to have a relationship with Dad, he's well within his right to say no to college expenses. As an adult at 18, if you can decide to terminate a relationship ship, that's ok but don't expect someone to financially support you.

This depends on the child support agreement. It's increasingly common for them to provide for college funding and/or support until age 21, specifically to guard against deadbeat parents.

Only for rich parents.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

That is correct. Those are also not the only options. Sharing a larger space with a roommate is another option.

Omg is this the omnipresent poster who is always roused by larger child support news? Every time someone mentions they get over $500 in child support some poster comes in to say that’s too much bla blah.

Its not about it being too much but there should be accountability.

DP. If there is actual neglect going on, that can be taken up with the courts independent of child support. But too many people think they should get the micromanage every penny spent by the parent to whom they are paying child support, and that's simply not how it works.

There should be accountability at higher numbers. Courts will not do anything with neglect or even abuse except in extreme situations. Both parents should get a say in how the money is spent as its the child's money not the CP or parent receiving the money. If its alimony, its different.

[Anonymous]

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The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

so no support for college because you don’t like their mom? that’s cold.

Did I say that?

No. But support once a legal adult is now on his and, in part, my terms. Money won’t just be drained out with no boundaries and no input from their father. Which is the way their mother always wanted it. After 18 it is a different discussion.

you have a massive chip on your shoulder and sound like you’re salivating over the chance to manipulate with money.

You really have a one sided way of seeing thing and an even bigger chip on your shoulder. Once kids turn 18 they can negotiate college expenses and their relationship. If they choose not to have a relationship with Dad, he's well within his right to say no to college expenses. As an adult at 18, if you can decide to terminate a relationship ship, that's ok but don't expect someone to financially support you.

This depends on the child support agreement. It's increasingly common for them to provide for college funding and/or support until age 21, specifically to guard against deadbeat parents.

Only for rich parents.

Not really. The extent to which parents can be ordered to pay for college depends on income levels, but where college funding might be more challenging, continuing child support to age 21 is becoming increasingly common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

That is correct. Those are also not the only options. Sharing a larger space with a roommate is another option.

Omg is this the omnipresent poster who is always roused by larger child support news? Every time someone mentions they get over $500 in child support some poster comes in to say that’s too much bla blah.

Its not about it being too much but there should be accountability.

DP. If there is actual neglect going on, that can be taken up with the courts independent of child support. But too many people think they should get the micromanage every penny spent by the parent to whom they are paying child support, and that's simply not how it works.

There should be accountability at higher numbers. Courts will not do anything with neglect or even abuse except in extreme situations. Both parents should get a say in how the money is spent as its the child's money not the CP or parent receiving the money. If its alimony, its different.

You get to control how money is spent on the child when they are in your home. The other parent controls it in their home. If you want to dictate how the other parent will spend their money, be prepared to allow them equal say on how you spend money on the child at your house (and what kind of food you feed them, what kind of activities you do with them, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

That is correct. Those are also not the only options. Sharing a larger space with a roommate is another option.

Omg is this the omnipresent poster who is always roused by larger child support news? Every time someone mentions they get over $500 in child support some poster comes in to say that’s too much bla blah.

Its not about it being too much but there should be accountability.

DP. If there is actual neglect going on, that can be taken up with the courts independent of child support. But too many people think they should get the micromanage every penny spent by the parent to whom they are paying child support, and that's simply not how it works.

There should be accountability at higher numbers. Courts will not do anything with neglect or even abuse except in extreme situations. Both parents should get a say in how the money is spent as its the child's money not the CP or parent receiving the money. If its alimony, its different.

You get to control how money is spent on the child when they are in your home. The other parent controls it in their home. If you want to dictate how the other parent will spend their money, be prepared to allow them equal say on how you spend money on the child at your house (and what kind of food you feed them, what kind of activities you do with them, etc.).

Huh? Both parents don’t pay child support to each other. So, what is there to dictate in the other parents home who is paying support. If anything I’d one is receiving support and controls all the child’s money they should provide everything in the other home as well.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My nephew pays $800 a month for one kid with no court involvement, he's paid it for 13 years, totally voluntary. If he did go through the courts it would likely be about half that based on his income and Va laws.

He does it because he wants to.

Ok it costs a ton to raise a kid. $800 isn’t much at all. In the summer camps are $400 a month

Listen to yourself.

FYI activities like camp are typically above and beyond child support and split proportional to income (and must be mutually agreed to by the Ex-spouses)

It does not matter what you believe is “extra.” OP’s BF has agreed to that amount or it has been ordered by a court. OP needs to butt out. Not her business.

Honey, it is not what I believe. Or OP. Or her boyfriend. Or the boyfriend’s ex. What I am saying is things like summer camps are considered by the courts to be discretionary big-ticket expenditures that are outside what child support can normally and customarily be expected to cover. Those expenses typically are subjected to mutual agreement and proportional payments that are over and above the child support and either parent had veto power. Please understand how this actually works before you opine. Thanks.

If your child’s summer camp is work related child care it is included in the calculations. You sound overly invested and Ill informed.

[Anonymous]

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The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

DP. Do you really think his ex expects continued financial support for herself after the kids have aged out of child support? That's just silly.

If you are talking about things like screwing the kids out of college funds to spite their mother, then you're just hurting the kids, not their mother, which reflects very poorly on you.

Same. I see divorce in her future. The crazy stepmom sounds mean and bitter. We all lose our charms in the end my dear so don’t be surprised when he dumps you for a sweeter number 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

Did you actually read what I wrote?

This is about toxic mothers who think they get to have all of the say AND are entitled to the max amount of money they can squeeze from the dad.

I get that the law is the law. And if there is an ability to truly coparent, then I have no issue. But if mom obstructs the dad’s ability to express his opinio/weigh in on matters, then I think he has every right to mitigate the amount of financial hemorrhaging he is subject to - within the law.

And, in our particular situation, my opinion most definitely matters to DH. We have very difficult discussions about these matters - and he actually cares about how these decisions affect our future.

so your husband had decided to reduce the amout he supports his kids to punish his ex wife. is that right?

Nope.

He’s paying exactly what the calculator says he should pay.

But you can bet that we have conversations about what financial support looks like once cs is over.

so no support for college because you don’t like their mom? that’s cold.

Did I say that?

No. But support once a legal adult is now on his and, in part, my terms. Money won’t just be drained out with no boundaries and no input from their father. Which is the way their mother always wanted it. After 18 it is a different discussion.

you have a massive chip on your shoulder and sound like you’re salivating over the chance to manipulate with money.

You really have a one sided way of seeing thing and an even bigger chip on your shoulder. Once kids turn 18 they can negotiate college expenses and their relationship. If they choose not to have a relationship with Dad, he's well within his right to say no to college expenses. As an adult at 18, if you can decide to terminate a relationship ship, that's ok but don't expect someone to financially support you.

This depends on the child support agreement. It's increasingly common for them to provide for college funding and/or support until age 21, specifically to guard against deadbeat parents.

This is not true.

However, CS doesn’t typically end at 18, rather graduation from high school or 19 if that doesn’t happen.
At least in Virginia.

My child turned 18 last week, I still owe support until June (I am also paying for college but that’s not in the CS agreement)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what is the point of this thread? If you hear that it's a normal amount, are you going to stop feeling like that money should be available for you (and your future kids)? If you hear that it sounds high, are you going to demand he stop paying it or seek a modification?

This is just really, truly none of your business. You are a girlfriend and this is between co-parents, and very likely the state. If it bothers you, find someone else to date, but you should not presume to have or to voice an opinion on something so far outside of your sphere of influence.

+1. Being a stepmom does not seem like your scene.