Catholic mom wants us to essentially say grace as part of our Jewish kid’s education ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's good for your kids to feel comfortable with saying grace. They'll encounter it a lot in other settings.

I am 40. I have only encountered someone saying grace before meals a few times in my life. Never seen it in a professional setting or in my personal life. I doubt the kid needs to worry about seeing someone who says grace.

Yeah, I have barely ever encountered this. It definitely depends on the circles you run in. Everyone I know is a godless heathen.

Even most of the Christians I know don’t do this. Like the nanny above said, if they pray at a meal, it’s silent and unobtrusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

It is simple, OP. Painless? No. Annoying? Yes. But it's very simple to repeat your simple phrase as many times as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

It is simple, OP. Painless? No. Annoying? Yes. But it's very simple to repeat your simple phrase as many times as needed.

You’re being somewhat obtuse. Obviously saying the words is simple. But family is often complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's good for your kids to feel comfortable with saying grace. They'll encounter it a lot in other settings.

I am 40. I have only encountered someone saying grace before meals a few times in my life. Never seen it in a professional setting or in my personal life. I doubt the kid needs to worry about seeing someone who says grace.

Yeah, I have barely ever encountered this. It definitely depends on the circles you run in. Everyone I know is a godless heathen.

Americans are usually very narrow minded and live in their own bubble. I lived all over the world and encountered numerous times various prayers during Ramadan, Diwali and other religious celebrations. I don't see any harm if the grandma say her Catorlic prayer/grace before the meal. I don't see any issues with how my muslim friend approach the meal and alway cater to their needs. What is the harm? You just need to educate the child about various religions in the world and teach the child to be tolerant/respectful about other religions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's good for your kids to feel comfortable with saying grace. They'll encounter it a lot in other settings.

I am 40. I have only encountered someone saying grace before meals a few times in my life. Never seen it in a professional setting or in my personal life. I doubt the kid needs to worry about seeing someone who says grace.

Yeah, I have barely ever encountered this. It definitely depends on the circles you run in. Everyone I know is a godless heathen.

Americans are usually very narrow minded and live in their own bubble. I lived all over the world and encountered numerous times various prayers during Ramadan, Diwali and other religious celebrations. I don't see any harm if the grandma say her Catorlic prayer/grace before the meal. I don't see any issues with how my muslim friend approach the meal and alway cater to their needs. What is the harm? You just need to educate the child about various religions in the world and teach the child to be tolerant/respectful about other religions.

I’ve said this SO many times but I’ll say it again:

The issue is not her saying grace. It’s that she wants us to say it as part of our kid’s religious education, even when she is not around.

If you’re going to reply to a thread, please read at least the original post carefully.

[Anonymous]

I have not read the entire thread, so I apologize if this is a repeat suggestion that someone else made.

The Jewish families that I know are very welcoming to others at their table. If they have visitors to their home and meal who want to say Grace or give thanks for the food before the meal, they will either do so or let the visitors say Grace. But they don't do it otherwise. Essentially, they are gracious hosts to their guests, but view it as a courtesy to their guests.

So, I would tell your MIL that she is welcome to say Grace whenever she is visiting, but that you won't be saying Grace at other times. And let her know that her grandchild will be taught to be gracious and courteous if someone wants to say Grace before a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the entire thread, so I apologize if this is a repeat suggestion that someone else made.

The Jewish families that I know are very welcoming to others at their table. If they have visitors to their home and meal who want to say Grace or give thanks for the food before the meal, they will either do so or let the visitors say Grace. But they don't do it otherwise. Essentially, they are gracious hosts to their guests, but view it as a courtesy to their guests.

So, I would tell your MIL that she is welcome to say Grace whenever she is visiting, but that you won't be saying Grace at other times. And let her know that her grandchild will be taught to be gracious and courteous if someone wants to say Grace before a meal.

Of course. Being courteous towards others has never been the issue.

[Anonymous]

14 pages that boils down to set a boundary. You're not doing it. She's not there at every meal, her own opinions don't matter. Or do the opposite, "sure, that's a nice idea." Then just...don't. There is no bite to her thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever asked her why this is so important to her or have you just worked yourself into knots with incomplete information? Knowing her intent will help you respond appropriately. It feels as if you are just arguing with your mom like a 15 year old girl.

Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever asked her why this is so important to her or have you just worked yourself into knots with incomplete information? Knowing her intent will help you respond appropriately. It feels as if you are just arguing with your mom like a 15 year old girl.

Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?

It’s already been established that it’s not Jewish. Please accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.

Please explain to us why it is difficult to NOT do something in your own home when the person requesting it is NOT there?

The issue is getting her to shut up about it.

[Anonymous]

OP is getting off on all this attention. Such a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is getting off on all this attention. Such a drama queen.

?

I’m just responding to people. If people stopped responding that would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever asked her why this is so important to her or have you just worked yourself into knots with incomplete information? Knowing her intent will help you respond appropriately. It feels as if you are just arguing with your mom like a 15 year old girl.

Are Jews never allowed to just address God directly? You can't ever go off script? I don't think there's a God who wouldn't be down with "thanks for this food and help out some people who need it" isn't that the core of all religions - Appreciation and kindness?

It’s already been established that it’s not Jewish. Please accept it.

Just trying to learn. Many of the people I know (Muslim, Christian, Buddhist) do things that aren't officially sanctioned by the rules of their faith, I didn't know if Judaism was more specifically prescriptive. Or are we not allowed to ask questions?