Catholic mom wants us to essentially say grace as part of our Jewish kid’s education ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to stay strong and say "we are not saying grace because it's not consistent with Jewish laws/customs and it is not up for discussion. If you keep raising this, we won't be able to eat meals with you.".

What your mom is asking is akin to you saying she is treating new year's too lightly and should spend Jan 1 fasting and repenting like you do for the Jewish New Year.

Going too far. Mom’s wishes to pray herself should be respected. Her insisting the kids pray is something OP can say no to. This thread is ridiculous.

I'm the PP you are quoting. If the mom wants to say grace herself that is fine but she shouldn't keep suggesting the grandkids do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is being unreasonable. Who cares about a little prayer?

What would you think if someone asked you to say the ha’amotzi? After all, it’s just a little prayer.

Prayers have significance.

Are you willing to adopt a Muslim prayer, in Arabic (since that’s the language they use for prayers) before every medal, including in your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. You’re forcing your own religion and beliefs into your child. Your mother is doing the same thing. Either you see it as abusive (which many of us do) or you don’t see it as remotely abusive to push your religious views into others. You can’t have it both ways depending on which one is more convenient for you at the time.

Parents get to choose what to teach their children. Grandparents do not get to dictate a child’s education, religious or secular; a grandparent may be allowed more or less access to the grandchild if they try to circumvent the parent’s wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's good for your kids to feel comfortable with saying grace. They'll encounter it a lot in other settings.

Like where? In nearly 40 years of life I have very rarely encountered anyone who regularly says grace at mealtimes. I think one of my college roommates did. Pretty much no one else.

Unless you’re in a religious environment (parochial school, funeral, wedding, dinner with clergy), it’s unlikely to come up. The only people I know that say grace before every meal out loud are clergy; anyone else who chooses to say it before every meal says a silent prayer and doesn’t expect anyone else to be quiet.

[Anonymous]

Say bruchas instead when your mom is around. Then say the birkat hamazon (grace after meals) afterwards. She will have enough of grace after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mother has no say in your DD's religion. Tell her grace doesn't follow your religious beliefs and she needs to stop. Former christian protestant, current atheist here. We never said grace. I found it uncomfortable as a child when eating with catholics who said grace and we were all christian. It's understandable that you do not want your child to do this. Put your foot down.

That's why kids should be raised to feel comfortable with saying grace. In my experience most families say grace before a meal. I already posted, but OP's kids will come across this again and again in life. Why not help them feel comfortable with it? Why hex them with that discomfort?

Nanny here. I’ve met one family who says grace before every meal (devout Catholics, traditional Catholic grace). I know several (Catholic and Protestant) that way grace when in a religious setting or when relatives who are more religious say with them.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'll admit I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if you've already answered this. She's your mom. Was she like this with you when you were a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only issue with OP is that says the DD is being raised interfaith when she clearly is not. I can see why the grandmother is confused. The comment about the children’s library was rude. My ex and I agreed DD would be raised Catholic. I have no issue with the Jewish children’s books her paternal grandparents bought for their home to teach her about Jewish holidays and heroes.

That wasn’t op, it was another pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the impression you are very insular and afraid of any custom that is not part of Judaism. Do you respect other customs and ways? I know you expect the world to understand yours and be respectful. Does that door only swing one way? Is it your way and no other way, ever?

In a perfect bubble, no Jewish child would ever eat with people who do not keep kosher or are not Jewish. Is that the ideal way to prepare the next generation to live in this part of America?

OP here. Wow. Just ... wow.

Do you want to say Jewish prayers in your home (if you’re not Jewish)? If you don’t, then I guess you’re insular and disrespectful too. How about Hindu customs? Muslim customs?

Raising my child Jewish doesn’t mean I don’t respect other religions.

Not the PP you are responding to, but I think it's a real benefit for your kids to have a catholic grandmother, so they can experience some small part of it first hand, through their own family. If we teach our children tolerance, and to not be threatened by the religious practices of others, here's your opportunity.

OP here. Of course, but that doesn’t mean we need to be saying grace every day when she’s not there. That’s her request for us.

Yea, OP, you're just here to argue. Now we get it.

I’m really not. I think some of you are misunderstanding the situation. I don’t care about her saying grace while she’s here. I care about her requesting that we say grace every day when she’s not here.

I don't understand why you can't just say "sorry, we're not going to do that. We'd be happy to say grace when you're visiting though".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's good for your kids to feel comfortable with saying grace. They'll encounter it a lot in other settings.

I am 40. I have only encountered someone saying grace before meals a few times in my life. Never seen it in a professional setting or in my personal life. I doubt the kid needs to worry about seeing someone who says grace.

Yeah, I have barely ever encountered this. It definitely depends on the circles you run in. Everyone I know is a godless heathen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only issue with OP is that says the DD is being raised interfaith when she clearly is not. I can see why the grandmother is confused. The comment about the children’s library was rude. My ex and I agreed DD would be raised Catholic. I have no issue with the Jewish children’s books her paternal grandparents bought for their home to teach her about Jewish holidays and heroes.

I never said she’s being raised interfaith. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only issue with OP is that says the DD is being raised interfaith when she clearly is not. I can see why the grandmother is confused. The comment about the children’s library was rude. My ex and I agreed DD would be raised Catholic. I have no issue with the Jewish children’s books her paternal grandparents bought for their home to teach her about Jewish holidays and heroes.

I never said she’s being raised interfaith. Ever.

And I never said anything about a children’s library. You’re confusing me with another poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have to say, OP, that I think it’s really weird that you’re making this an issue. Allow your mother to say grace when she’s there for meals, and tell her that when she’s not there you don’t say grace because it’s not your religion. It’s a simple as that. What is the problem? My suspicion is that you don’t want her to say it even when she is there, and that’s just really uncool of you. But truly religious person, as you purport yourself to be, respects and allows the free exercise of someone else’s religion. Especially if it’s your mother.

I have zero problem with her saying it. I don’t appreciate you making that assumption. My issue is she keeps pushing us to say it even when she’s not there.

This is really the dumbest thread ever. It's simple, OP. Say "no, we won't be doing that." DONE. If you can't stand up to your mom on this one tiny thing that she's not even going to be there for, then I see a lot of problems in your future. You might consider counseling if you can't say no to this request.

Yeah, I feel like OP is looking for an effective and painless way of dealing with this, but the only way to deal with it is to continue to to state her boundaries. Eventually the mother will have to accept it, but it likely won’t be a quick or non-contentious process.

OP here. Yeah I know it won’t be simple. I know some are saying it’s simple, but in this case it’s not as easy as it seems. I will keep trying, of course, but it won’t be easy.