I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I once dated a guy and after our second date I found out he was also dating at least one other girl. I shouldn't have cared, but I want a guy to like me so much when we go out that he can't even think about going on a date with somebody else. He was a great guy and had good long term potential, but I just couldn't bring myself to not be #1 and to date somebody who wasn't totally crazy about me. Oh well. My loss, but that's the way I work.

I have no doubt that if the sexes were reversed here that nobody would have a problem with OP's behavior. Her only mistake was being seen out with the other guy.

Good for you in handling the situation maturely, and simply moving on instead of engaging in entitled pouting like Guy 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I once dated a guy and after our second date I found out he was also dating at least one other girl. I shouldn't have cared, but I want a guy to like me so much when we go out that he can't even think about going on a date with somebody else. He was a great guy and had good long term potential, but I just couldn't bring myself to not be #1 and to date somebody who wasn't totally crazy about me. Oh well. My loss, but that's the way I work.

I have no doubt that if the sexes were reversed here that nobody would have a problem with OP's behavior. Her only mistake was being seen out with the other guy.

Good for you in handling the situation maturely, and simply moving on instead of engaging in entitled pouting like Guy 1.

When did Guy 2 engange in entitled pouting.

[Anonymous]

Guy 2 never pouted he was too busy pounding OP

Guy 1 never pouted either at least as far as we can tell. He just figured his dollar to load ratio was not going to be worth it w OP and is moving on

Assuming any of this is real of course

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I once dated a guy and after our second date I found out he was also dating at least one other girl. I shouldn't have cared, but I want a guy to like me so much when we go out that he can't even think about going on a date with somebody else. He was a great guy and had good long term potential, but I just couldn't bring myself to not be #1 and to date somebody who wasn't totally crazy about me. Oh well. My loss, but that's the way I work.

I have no doubt that if the sexes were reversed here that nobody would have a problem with OP's behavior. Her only mistake was being seen out with the other guy.

I'm confused. In your case, the sexes were reversed and you did have a problem with it.

It seems to me that this thread has sort of split into two issues: (1) OP having sex with multiple partners and gender perspectives on this, and (2) OP transparency to guy 1 in her relationships, and how/when should exclusivity be discussed or assumed. These are clearly related, but still seem like distinct topics.

[Anonymous]

In one of "OP"'s updates a few pages back Guy 1 was portrayed as a sad dejected puppy because OP wore higher heels on her dates with other guys than the shoes she wore on her dates with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I once dated a guy and after our second date I found out he was also dating at least one other girl. I shouldn't have cared, but I want a guy to like me so much when we go out that he can't even think about going on a date with somebody else. He was a great guy and had good long term potential, but I just couldn't bring myself to not be #1 and to date somebody who wasn't totally crazy about me. Oh well. My loss, but that's the way I work.

I have no doubt that if the sexes were reversed here that nobody would have a problem with OP's behavior. Her only mistake was being seen out with the other guy.

I'm confused. In your case, the sexes were reversed and you did have a problem with it.

It seems to me that this thread has sort of split into two issues: (1) OP having sex with multiple partners and gender perspectives on this, and (2) OP transparency to guy 1 in her relationships, and how/when should exclusivity be discussed or assumed. These are clearly related, but still seem like distinct topics.

I would add that the issue some have (and I'm a guy) is that she clearly wants to have a LTR with guy#1 - though it hasn't been entirely clear if she has communicated that to him (and irrespective of the talk about being exclusive)l but wants to sleep with other guys on the side. And it all went to pot when she was busted by guy #1 while she was out with guy #2 and acting lovey-dovey. These seem to be the actual facts based on OP's op.

Then the discussion initially started with either you are serious or you're not. No problem with either-or - but there is a problem, as one PP said, in 'trying to have your cake and eat it too'. Everything else has been speculation, projecting, frustration, etc. and a basic downward spiral of what was going to be an interesting conversation.

[Anonymous]

Did I read correctly that OP and Guy 1 have been dating for 6-8 weeks?

Ladies, honestly, if you've been dating a guy for almost two months, and you have another date coming up, and you happen to see your man on a date with a woman who looks like a model (trying to use a female analog to a jock) you're not going to be a little bit hurt?

[Anonymous]

IMO, after more than a couple of dates, or things get physical, it's best to clarify if you are just looking for a fling, or if you want something long-term.

[Anonymous]

Well, since you + Guy 1 are not yet mutually exclusive you really do not owe him any type of excuse as to why you were out w/another man. You have the right to date as many men as you would like to date now and you are a grown adult.

However, in his eyes, he may see you as a "promiscuous-type" or fickle girl and not someone who is serious and ready to settle down. So that could be why he looked tight-lipped when he saw you at the lounge.

He may or may not mention to you what happened, and if he doesn't it will be the "Elephant in the Room" anyway, so I would mention it if he doesn't.

Just tell him that you really do like him and that you have been dating other guys. (Just leave out the sleeping w/other guys part out.) Let him know that he is the one that you like out of the few that you are dating now, and that if he wants to be exclusive, then you are more than willing to go down that path w/him any time.

Good Luck!!

[DanielG]

Another point, and one I'm not sure if already covered, is he was probably tight lipped the night he saw you because he was with his friends.

I can't imagine walking in to a place, seeing a girl I've been dating with another guy, walking up to her to talk, and then explaining to my friends that this is a girl I have been dating. I'm sure I'd get some uncomfortable questions from them.

So I'd too just play it off that night.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to at least try to set aside the "since you weren't exclusive, you did nothing wrong" mentality. No one is trying to take away a woman's right to sleep with whomever she wishes. That's not really the point.

If I've been dating someone for a few weeks, and it seems like we are hitting it off, and then I see her on a date with another guy, I can't help but assume that she's not really that into me. If she was, she wouldn't still be dating other men. Again, I understand that she technically hasn't done anything wrong, but her actions suggest that she is ambivalent about me and is still looking.

[Anonymous]

The problem with this thread is that, if men express how they feel, they're viewed as entitled or chauvinistic, etc.

Women are allowed to sleep with whomever they want (same as men).
Men are allowed to *not* want a woman because she's been sleeping with another while simultaneously dating the guy she supposedly likes (same as women can *not* want a man once she finds out he is banging others and she is probably just going to be another notch).

Nobody would be questioning this as much had the gender roles been reversed.

Men get a bad rap of being both not emotional enough (read: using women for just sex) vs being "too emotional or losery" for not wanting to date a woman who is having sex with another during the same timeframe.

Whether the issue posted here is real or not, women ignoring/insulting men and how they perceive this doesn't really help anyone.

[Anonymous]

The most offensive comments were deleted by the moderators.

Even if you're being honest about your feelings, referring to a woman as a "c*m dumpster" makes you a sexist fucking pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most offensive comments were deleted by the moderators.

Even if you're being honest about your feelings, referring to a woman as a "c*m dumpster" makes you a sexist fucking pig.

Still seems you're angrier than everyone else. Nowhere did I call anyone that term or allude to it in my last message. I pointed out how men will perceive the situation. If you perceive that perception as being perceived as "c*m dumpster," that's a problem in your own head.

[Anonymous]

Relax, 9:18, I believe 9:15 meant the Royal "you." There have been comments like that deleted from this thread.