In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, you people are really something else. Not only do you allow your family to use your empty vacation home -- you should actively offer it, and without expecting or demanding cleaning fees, paying for utilities etc. They're family. Presumably they return the favor in other ways. No need to keep score.

If you've unlimited money then yes but realistically, extra cost of cleaning, utilities, supplies, wear and tear and repairs on top of possible insurance related issues, it can be an extra burden OP can't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

There is something seriously wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

I guess it all depends upon what kind of family members and financial resources you've. Its a nice thing to share excess resources with nice family, a burden if user isn't thoughtful and you end up spending money meant for another expense on cleaning and repairs. Obviously if they would mind if you said no to use, they would also mind if you asked to share the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it all depends upon what kind of family members and financial resources you've. Its a nice thing to share excess resources with nice family, a burden if user isn't thoughtful and you end up spending money meant for another expense on cleaning and repairs. Obviously if they would mind if you said no to use, they would also mind if you asked to share the cost.

What is this obsession with cleaning and repairs? Who do you people associate with where this is always such a major problem? Again, I ask, are you all seriously this tightly wound in real life? Might I suggest xanax?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

There is something seriously wrong with you.

I've been through this and paid the price for the naive generosity and learned the cost of real life contingencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

I don’t fully trust his family or know them fully; because they aren’t blood related to me. It is that simple. If we weren’t married, they wouldn’t be apart of my life.

[Anonymous]

One friend's guest slipped near their pool and sued them after getting hurt, causing an insurance nightmare.

[Anonymous]

I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it all depends upon what kind of family members and financial resources you've. Its a nice thing to share excess resources with nice family, a burden if user isn't thoughtful and you end up spending money meant for another expense on cleaning and repairs. Obviously if they would mind if you said no to use, they would also mind if you asked to share the cost.

What is this obsession with cleaning and repairs? Who do you people associate with where this is always such a major problem? Again, I ask, are you all seriously this tightly wound in real life? Might I suggest xanax?

My second home was in an area where it was tough to get cleaners and also tough to get repair people. I'd have multiple groups of "friends" of the inlaws wanting to come but no way to clean the unit between free visits.

My unit also had 1 bathroom. If the toilet was down there was no other options. It was tough to get plumbers out also.

It wasn't so much the cost, it was the lack of worker bees in the region. They were priced out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

I don’t fully trust his family or know them fully; because they aren’t blood related to me. It is that simple. If we weren’t married, they wouldn’t be apart of my life.

That's nonsense. Your DH can invite them as they're related to him. Some women here also think that they're superstars or something. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

I'll be happy to do that. Put down your vacation home address, haha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

I don’t fully trust his family or know them fully; because they aren’t blood related to me. It is that simple. If we weren’t married, they wouldn’t be apart of my life.

Blood related? You are truly weird. This isn't a European thing this is paranoia and anxiety. Must be rough going through life like this.

[Anonymous]

I’ve already posted what my family does (we share), but there are so many obnoxious takes in here on both sides. There’s not a single correct answer to how to handle this. Different things are right for different families.