Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

[Anonymous]

General thought: When I was a kid, many people had weddings where they invited lots of people. At the reception, they served punch, mints, tea sandwiches and wedding cake. No DJs, no plated meals — just people happy to support the new couple.

I’m curious. Usually the bride’s family is more active in planning things than the groom’s, and, unless something has changed, you know that the groom’s family isn’t in a position to provide much financial assistance. Given that this wedding would involve travel, would you be happier if your son had been included, along with maybe a dozen other kids close to the couple, and the reception was a short one, in the church hall, with platters of tea sandwiches and glasses of punch?

I’m asking this seriously. If that’s what their budget would allow them to provide for a larger guest list, would your next post be about how lovely this was and how pleased your son was to be included? Would it be grumbles about how you paid for plane tickets, hotel rooms, a rental car and a nice gift — only to be served a few small sandwiches and nonalcoholic punch? Something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

DP. I don't know your culture but in middle class whitebread weddings, out of town family that travelled great distances are ALWAYS invited to the rehearsal dinner. Rehearsal dinners have not been just for the wedding party since about 1982.

I have a pretty large extended family and every cousin's wedding involves a portion of the family travelling for it (but not always the same family members). I have never been invited to a rehearsal dinner of a wedding I wasn't in the wedding party or otherwise involved (e.g., a reading). And I never expected to be. What middle class family is throwing essentially another wedding dinner for all the guests? That's super weird. Would usually get together with other family or friends that evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

I guess he can just sit on her lap at the assigned table. Great idea!

They'll find a chair. It won't ruin the wedding. OP not going will sour it, the young cousin being excluded will sour it. One extra 9 year old guest will turn out to be pretty fun. Then, wish the couple well and go home early.

You can't guarantee anything you don't know these people. Being the lone kid at a wedding sounds stupid. He will probably sit on his iPad the whole time or his mom's phone. If she would drag an uninvited kid to a wedding she's just the sort who would do that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:General thought: When I was a kid, many people had weddings where they invited lots of people. At the reception, they served punch, mints, tea sandwiches and wedding cake. No DJs, no plated meals — just people happy to support the new couple.

I’m curious. Usually the bride’s family is more active in planning things than the groom’s, and, unless something has changed, you know that the groom’s family isn’t in a position to provide much financial assistance. Given that this wedding would involve travel, would you be happier if your son had been included, along with maybe a dozen other kids close to the couple, and the reception was a short one, in the church hall, with platters of tea sandwiches and glasses of punch?

I’m asking this seriously. If that’s what their budget would allow them to provide for a larger guest list, would your next post be about how lovely this was and how pleased your son was to be included? Would it be grumbles about how you paid for plane tickets, hotel rooms, a rental car and a nice gift — only to be served a few small sandwiches and nonalcoholic punch? Something else?

Fair question.

[Anonymous]

We had no kids at our wedding.

My wife's cousin brought his girlfriend who not only brought her (hers, not theirs) 18 month old baby but she also wore a floor length white gown. I sh*t you not.

People are just rude af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

This is beyond rude and no, I doubt that the bride and groom have that many other rude friends. Do not add stress to their wedding day requiring them to scramble and have the reception set up another chair and place setting at the table.

They were very clear on who is and isn’t invited. Talk about uncouth and disrespectful. If it doesn’t work for OP she simply sends regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

I guess he can just sit on her lap at the assigned table. Great idea!

They'll find a chair. It won't ruin the wedding. OP not going will sour it, the young cousin being excluded will sour it. One extra 9 year old guest will turn out to be pretty fun. Then, wish the couple well and go home early.

What kind of fiction are you imagining? It will absolutely sour it, not to mention OP’s relationship with the nephew and his wife going forward. Who exactly will one 9 year old be fun for? A formal wedding as the only young kid will be extremely boring for the 9 year old and annoy any other guests who got child care for their own younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just take your son anyway. It won't be a big deal.

No, please don't do this. If they have a seating arrangement where will he sit? Listen a 10 year is going to be bored at a wedding and he would rather be hanging out with boys his own age. I don't think you can leave a 10 year old alone at a hotel. I think that OP should just decide is this the hill she wants to die on for family? Child-free weddings are now the norm. Yes, but the bride and groom had a cutoff. But I can feel her pain. And she has a right to have her feelings hurt. What she plans to do is up to her.

Good luck. And I seriously mean this OP, please wish the bride and groom a very happy future.

I guarantee that there will be other kids at that wedding. Someone will probably even bring a baby. Seriously, just ignore and take him. You're close family not some distant acquaintance they have to reciprocate wedding invites to.

What entitlement.

It’s a good way to piss off the bride and groom and make sure they are both left off future invites.

[Anonymous]

I once accidentally brought a kid to a child free wedding. I was invited to my cousin's wedding, I wasn't going to go but my uncle and aunt (who were paying for the wedding) kept pushing it and specifically kept pushing bringing my kid. I got pressure from my mom to go as well. I later got told my kid hadn't been invited, and I guess in whatever page of the wedding website they said no kids (I hadn't seen it). My kid was good at the wedding fwiw and wasn't the only kid there.

To be honest, I was pissed. I got pressured heavily to attend specifically by family and they kept saying they wanted my kid there. The whole thing felt like I'd been used as a pawn into some kind of fight between my aunt and uncle and cousin.

[Anonymous]

The cousin getting married must be in his 20's so likely a 20 year age gap with your DS. They are not going to be best buds no matter how much you try. My kids have that age gap with their first cousins and are just at very different stages of life, even as adults.

Maybe a compromise is to ask if your DS can attend the wedding ceremony but not the reception. And if they aren't including under 16s then surely there are some teens available who can babysit your DS during the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t go. Don’t go no contact, that is a crazy overreaction. Just get them a crappy present and move on. Nothing here worth getting so upset about. People can choose whatever kind of wedding they want. It isn’t about you.

Agree. I don’t think he was intentionally trying to slight you. Plus, a nine-year-old is really not going to care about or think about a wedding unless you make it an issue.

[Anonymous]

Do you really think a 10 year old will be upset to miss this wedding? You're making something really simple and straightforward into something complicated and fraught. I wonder if the bride would have second thoughts if she knew this was all going on in the background. What drama. Just leave your kid at home AND be happy for your nephew. Not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t go. Don’t go no contact, that is a crazy overreaction. Just get them a crappy present and move on. Nothing here worth getting so upset about. People can choose whatever kind of wedding they want. It isn’t about you.

+1. Explain that you can't come without your kid, and that you wish them the best. There is no need to "hate them forever." They will have young kids soon enough and understand what a PIA their rule caused for family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once accidentally brought a kid to a child free wedding. I was invited to my cousin's wedding, I wasn't going to go but my uncle and aunt (who were paying for the wedding) kept pushing it and specifically kept pushing bringing my kid. I got pressure from my mom to go as well. I later got told my kid hadn't been invited, and I guess in whatever page of the wedding website they said no kids (I hadn't seen it). My kid was good at the wedding fwiw and wasn't the only kid there.

To be honest, I was pissed. I got pressured heavily to attend specifically by family and they kept saying they wanted my kid there. The whole thing felt like I'd been used as a pawn into some kind of fight between my aunt and uncle and cousin.

Yes, it sounds like they were trying to get kids to show up despite what the bride and groom wanted. I would be annoyed by your family instead of the bride and groom. The bride and groom did nothing wrong. Your family sounds like a holes. Also, it really doesn’t matter if your kid is good or not, it is the potential of a disruption that annoys people.