Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s

[Anonymous]

Guys. The issue isn’t whether or not OP is taking them on trips.

It’s pretty obvious what the problems are:

1. He doesn’t want kids, which rules out 99% of women.

2. He has very little patience for women’s emotions, which also rules out 99% of women. This is likely what his ex-gfs were complaining about when they said he doesn’t lead. It’s not that women expect men to plan everything, it’s that we want someone to help us process our emotions, especially when we’re at the point we can’t do it ourselves. Women don’t feel emotionally safe and secure around him.

The kid thing wont change, so OP’s best bet is to figure out why he has such a low tolerance for emotions and fix that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah your height, which you can’t do anything about, is one turnoff. The tattoos are another. A massive one.

What do you look for in women? Do you like tattooed emo girls with nose rings and dyed black bangs? Or are you expecting to date leggy blondes with huge tits?

I prefer a petite, aged 18-23. But I’m 6’2” and make a quarter mil with up to 750k in commissions. Never had an issue dating, though I obviously can’t flaunt in front of my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah your height, which you can’t do anything about, is one turnoff. The tattoos are another. A massive one.

What do you look for in women? Do you like tattooed emo girls with nose rings and dyed black bangs? Or are you expecting to date leggy blondes with huge tits?

I prefer a petite, aged 18-23. But I’m 6’2” and make a quarter mil with up to 750k in commissions. Never had an issue dating, though I obviously can’t flaunt in front of my wife.

Ah yes, because wealthy tall men swimming in 18yo coochie spend their free time on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah your height, which you can’t do anything about, is one turnoff. The tattoos are another. A massive one.

What do you look for in women? Do you like tattooed emo girls with nose rings and dyed black bangs? Or are you expecting to date leggy blondes with huge tits?

I prefer a petite, aged 18-23. But I’m 6’2” and make a quarter mil with up to 750k in commissions. Never had an issue dating, though I obviously can’t flaunt in front of my wife.

Ah yes, because wealthy tall men swimming in 18yo coochie spend their free time on DCUM.

lol more tail for me, I go for the au pairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys. The issue isn’t whether or not OP is taking them on trips.

It’s pretty obvious what the problems are:

1. He doesn’t want kids, which rules out 99% of women.

2. He has very little patience for women’s emotions, which also rules out 99% of women. This is likely what his ex-gfs were complaining about when they said he doesn’t lead. It’s not that women expect men to plan everything, it’s that we want someone to help us process our emotions, especially when we’re at the point we can’t do it ourselves. Women don’t feel emotionally safe and secure around him.

The kid thing wont change, so OP’s best bet is to figure out why he has such a low tolerance for emotions and fix that.

99% of women do not want kids. Are you 70+? There are many women in his age range who will never want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys. The issue isn’t whether or not OP is taking them on trips.

It’s pretty obvious what the problems are:

1. He doesn’t want kids, which rules out 99% of women.

2. He has very little patience for women’s emotions, which also rules out 99% of women. This is likely what his ex-gfs were complaining about when they said he doesn’t lead. It’s not that women expect men to plan everything, it’s that we want someone to help us process our emotions, especially when we’re at the point we can’t do it ourselves. Women don’t feel emotionally safe and secure around him.

The kid thing wont change, so OP’s best bet is to figure out why he has such a low tolerance for emotions and fix that.

99% of women do not want kids. Are you 70+? There are many women in his age range who will never want kids.

A simple reality check of any dating app would show that overwhelming majority of women under age 40 WANT kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah your height, which you can’t do anything about, is one turnoff. The tattoos are another. A massive one.

What do you look for in women? Do you like tattooed emo girls with nose rings and dyed black bangs? Or are you expecting to date leggy blondes with huge tits?

I prefer a petite, aged 18-23. But I’m 6’2” and make a quarter mil with up to 750k in commissions. Never had an issue dating, though I obviously can’t flaunt in front of my wife.

Ah yes, because wealthy tall men swimming in 18yo coochie spend their free time on DCUM.

lol more tail for me, I go for the au pairs.

An 18 year old completely isolated, thousands of miles away from the people who love her. 🚨Predator alert🚨I’d hate to know what is on your hard drive.

[Anonymous]

"The kid thing wont change, so OP’s best bet is to figure out why he has such a low tolerance for emotions and fix that."

I'm getting annoyed on OP's behalf at all the people harping on his tattoos. That is NOT his problem. They are hidden under his clothing. Once someone has slept with him a few times and spent a couple of months with him, that isn't going to matter when it comes to whether she wants to stay with him.

I do think that there are some emotional issues that OP should confront head-on with a therapist. Like OP, I come from an intact nuclear family and all but one of my siblings and I are divorced/single. There are things that having married parents can do to mess with one's notion of what you want in a partner and how well you can navigate a serious relationship. I was definitely self-sabotaging my relationships for many years, both in terms of the men I was choosing and the way in which I "showed up" and expected them to. This was all invisible to me as I was doing it. All I knew was that even though I never had a problem getting a BF when I was under 30, none of the relationships led to a proposal or even living together. Even after 30, I kept moving to other cities for adventure/school/jobs but didn't see that this was me being unavailable. This resulted in me not attracting men who wanted an available woman. Anyway, it's very possible that OP is going through something along the same vein. Just because you have parents who made it to their 50th anniversary does not mean you aren't carrying baggage from your family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Speaking about my genitalia is vulgar and gross. Please refrain from doing so any more.

I think we found the partial problem here. What kind of a response is that from a man, you sound more like a bent out of shape woman. I think perhaps you're too feminine for most women. Trying to cover it up with muscle and tattoos. We want men that can protect us and make us feel safe, not a wannabe.

[Anonymous]

"I think perhaps you're too feminine for most women. Trying to cover it up with muscle and tattoos. We want men that can protect us and make us feel safe, not a wannabe."

The guy is a serious weightlifter. I highly doubt that he presents as a man incapable of physically protecting a woman. He sounds like he's as opposite of a wannabe "masculine" man as he could possibly be. Just STFU. And based on how he's handled the feedback here, he seems quite emotionally strong and willing to make himself vulnerable (which is strength) by even asking this group of rude people for counsel and trying to learn from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Speaking about my genitalia is vulgar and gross. Please refrain from doing so any more.

I think we found the partial problem here. What kind of a response is that from a man, you sound more like a bent out of shape woman. I think perhaps you're too feminine for most women. Trying to cover it up with muscle and tattoos. We want men that can protect us and make us feel safe, not a wannabe.

This is a weird take. I thought OP's gave a very measured response to a race-baiting troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Speaking about my genitalia is vulgar and gross. Please refrain from doing so any more.

I think we found the partial problem here. What kind of a response is that from a man, you sound more like a bent out of shape woman. I think perhaps you're too feminine for most women. Trying to cover it up with muscle and tattoos. We want men that can protect us and make us feel safe, not a wannabe.

Honestly, now that you say this and re-reading everything. OP could be a trans man? “Speaking about my genitalia” is very, very trans-coded. Which might change the conversation a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Speaking about my genitalia is vulgar and gross. Please refrain from doing so any more.

I think we found the partial problem here. What kind of a response is that from a man, you sound more like a bent out of shape woman. I think perhaps you're too feminine for most women. Trying to cover it up with muscle and tattoos. We want men that can protect us and make us feel safe, not a wannabe.

Honestly, now that you say this and re-reading everything. OP could be a trans man? “Speaking about my genitalia” is very, very trans-coded. Which might change the conversation a bit.

Something does seem to be off, but can't put my finger on it.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not a transman. But I do support my brothers / sisters / non-binary siblings (as in, the trans folk that exist out in the world) that are trying to live their lives without grief and persecution.

Not trying to live up to what others estimation of masculinity is, as each person has their own definition. I can only live by my definition and that includes not talking about those appendages with people other than my doctor or my significant other, whenever I may find her. If you feel like I'm a wannabe in that regard, then we should probably not date.

[Anonymous]

Hey if a guy with niche looks like Pete Davidson can have his choice of beautiful women then you should be able to as well. Plus he has tats all over his body yet he still gets the hot girl.

Perhaps you just are not funny. Women LOVE a man with a great sense of humor. They find it inherently sexy too.