Tips for dating with "niche looks" in my 40s

[Anonymous]

I think it's apparent that you are trying to date out of your league. Either women are in tune with a short POC gym rat covered in tattoos or not. Learn to tell the difference. An attorney should be able to figure out that his choice of dating pools is going to be very small and will have to make sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not a transman. But I do support my brothers / sisters / non-binary siblings (as in, the trans folk that exist out in the world) that are trying to live their lives without grief and persecution.

I don't think making statements like that is helping your cause. Most all of us are glad you feel that way and agree, but I don't expect a real man to say something like that. I date masculine men and they never bring the subject up nor comment on it. It's simply not part of their world. I agree with another poster, I think perhaps you've attempted to hide your true self behind big muscles and tattoos because you do have overly famine traits. Now that isn't necessarily a bad thing, just own it and eventually you'll find the woman that is your soul mate.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think it's apparent that you are trying to date out of your league. Either women are in tune with a short POC gym rat covered in tattoos or not. Learn to tell the difference. An attorney should be able to figure out that his choice of dating pools is going to be very small and will have to make sacrifices.

It makes no sense when people say things like that. People aren't divided into leagues. I know many beautiful people married to less beautiful people and very successful people married to less successful people and the other way around. Attraction doesn't work the way you think it does PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

Hope you have a great time OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

Man I soooo wish you would move to Philly or Oakland or Chicago! You would find so many more women in places where being a tattooed CPA isn’t unusual.

How did the date go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

Rooting for you, OP. Hope you have a great date! I gave you a hard time earlier on in the thread, but I like your tone. You seem comfortable in who you are, and people may be assuming the opposite based on your tattoos and bike. Meeting women through friends seems to be your best bet at avoiding misconceptions about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey if a guy with niche looks like Pete Davidson can have his choice of beautiful women then you should be able to as well. Plus he has tats all over his body yet he still gets the hot girl.

Perhaps you just are not funny. Women LOVE a man with a great sense of humor. They find it inherently sexy too.

It is clearly not how you look on the outside that is preventing you from getting dates, because women by far are not very visual creatures (like men are!) It is what is inside that would make you someone who women want to be with. Are you a man with a great deal of integrity?

Someone who has a good sense of humor and can make anyone laugh? Are you charming, interesting, well-rounded, can you cook??
When you speak, do you have interesting things to say, that make others actually listen…?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

How are LGBTQ people part of the world of people you date?

[Anonymous]

How about Baltimore? There are plenty of quirky folks without moving to Philadelphia or Chicago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about Baltimore? There are plenty of quirky folks without moving to Philadelphia or Chicago!

Or even Richmond...today's DC is not really a great place for someone like OP to meet likeminded folks. He would have had a better time here 20 years ago. There's a reason why a lot of metal and punk bands that used to LOVE playing in DC now choose to skip DC and go straight from Richmond to Baltimore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

How are LGBTQ people part of the world of people you date?

Could have worded that better. I was trying to say that LGBTQ+ community may not be a part of the world that the men that the PP date, but said community is part of my world or "my universe" if you will. That is to say, I have friends and family that are part of the community, specifically some of the folks that I'm friendly with at my gym or that come to ride BMX with me and others at times. I have also dated a few transwomen, but once we got to the stage where I was made aware they had transitioned, I politely broke off any romantic pursuits. Still chat/hang out from time to time platonically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about Baltimore? There are plenty of quirky folks without moving to Philadelphia or Chicago!

Or even Richmond...today's DC is not really a great place for someone like OP to meet likeminded folks. He would have had a better time here 20 years ago. There's a reason why a lot of metal and punk bands that used to LOVE playing in DC now choose to skip DC and go straight from Richmond to Baltimore.

I've spent a fair amount of time in RVA, less so Baltimore. #gorams #imissshakasmart

You're right, the punk scene was a lot better 20 years ago here but yet, I remain, hahaha. Thankfully, DC still gets a fair amount of hip hop acts I listen to so still able to see them and as you note Baltimore/RVA/etc are not that far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

How are LGBTQ people part of the world of people you date?

Could have worded that better. I was trying to say that LGBTQ+ community may not be a part of the world that the men that the PP date, but said community is part of my world or "my universe" if you will. That is to say, I have friends and family that are part of the community, specifically some of the folks that I'm friendly with at my gym or that come to ride BMX with me and others at times. I have also dated a few transwomen, but once we got to the stage where I was made aware they had transitioned, I politely broke off any romantic pursuits. Still chat/hang out from time to time platonically.

Ah. There’s the buried lede.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to help a cause. Sorry that you don't expect a "real man" (whatever that means) to...express empathy? The question was asked whether I was trans and I answered in the negative with a chaser to make clear that I support a community that is going through a lot right now. That may not be a part of the world of the men you date but it's a part of mine so I'm going to speak on it if I feel like I need to.

I don't hide any aspects of my personality, whether they neatly fit into masculine or feminine or in between. Sometimes I wear pastels, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll binge watch romcoms on Netflix, sometimes I'll go spar with people at a boxing gym. Life is so much better when I don't confine myself to activities, or saying things that only "real men" say.

That being said, I have a first date lined up with a friend of one of the artists that did some of my tattoos. She's straight edge, so we're going to go grab some decaf beverages (she considers the caffeine a drug) and go for a walk, weather permitting. Seems like a nice person, with a solid career (owns small CPA firm focusing on tattooers/piercers/etc). She's seen pictures of me and has no issues with the tattoos since she is also heavily tattooed.

How are LGBTQ people part of the world of people you date?

Could have worded that better. I was trying to say that LGBTQ+ community may not be a part of the world that the men that the PP date, but said community is part of my world or "my universe" if you will. That is to say, I have friends and family that are part of the community, specifically some of the folks that I'm friendly with at my gym or that come to ride BMX with me and others at times. I have also dated a few transwomen, but once we got to the stage where I was made aware they had transitioned, I politely broke off any romantic pursuits. Still chat/hang out from time to time platonically.

Ah. There’s the buried lede.

To say the least!

OP, if you had led off that you're a tattoo-covered man who has sex with biological males and doesn't want kids, this thread would have been very short. The fact that you're playing out this whole farce here and doling out crucial info only when people ask the exact right questions also tells me that you're sneaky and secretive. I'm sure there's more you haven't shared here. You already know why you don't appeal to women and why the few who stick with you run for the hills as soon as you start to show your real self.