Was I wrong to skip MIL birthday dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Do you mean DIL? OP is the DIL and her MILs birthday is not her responsibility.

Yes, it is AS a decent person.

Nope. Just because one has a vagina doesn't make them responsible for their husbands parents' issues. Stop with this sexist nonsense.

You do realize some people enjoy spending time with their families, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

I never get these posts. Every relationship is different. Would op be warmer with a warmer mil? I’m guessing yes.

Exactly. There's a reason her own son didn't even make an effort to be there...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Do you mean DIL? OP is the DIL and her MILs birthday is not her responsibility.

Yes, it is AS a decent person.

Nope. Just because one has a vagina doesn't make them responsible for their husbands parents' issues. Stop with this sexist nonsense.

You do realize some people enjoy spending time with their families, right?

You do realize that if people want to spend time with their families, they respect their time enough to make proper plans…right?

[Anonymous]

DH was wrong to say play it by ear instead of being blunt about work, appointments. She felt led on.

[Anonymous]

We live locally to my parents. A few weeks before their birthdays I ask them what they want to do and how they want to celebrate. I have little kids so they’d never force a restaurant on us. I either cook a big meal or my mom does for their birthday. Dh cooks a big meal for my birthday and always invites them. I feel like normal people discuss these things ahead of time.

Dh is pretty bad about asking his parents. But I still can’t imagine if they were local not having the kids see their grandparents on a grandparents birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live locally to my parents. A few weeks before their birthdays I ask them what they want to do and how they want to celebrate. I have little kids so they’d never force a restaurant on us. I either cook a big meal or my mom does for their birthday. Dh cooks a big meal for my birthday and always invites them. I feel like normal people discuss these things ahead of time.

Dh is pretty bad about asking his parents. But I still can’t imagine if they were local not having the kids see their grandparents on a grandparents birthday.

So basically the men suck and the women get blamed?

[Anonymous]

Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

It’s easy to see this MIL is selfish, or at the very least, self-important. Crying and throwing a fit because her grandkids couldn’t be there when the plans weren’t even made with them in mind? My MIL used to pull that when our kids were babies/toddlers and toddlers/preschoolers—plan elaborate and fancy dinners at restaurants that weren’t made for children, then complained when we’d send DH alone. She wanted her (birthday) cake and to eat it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole “someday you will be a grandparent” bit is so tired.

Yes, someday I hope to be a grandparent. And because I wasn’t raised in a barn, I would never throw out plans to busy parents with kids with only 24 hours of notice. I will respect my kids and their spouses enough to make invitations with lead time, and I’ll be open to alternate plans. We’ll figure out something that works for everyone, then we’ll enjoy each other’s company.

This will work especially well for things where you KNOW WHAT THE SPECIAL DATE IS, and can plan accordingly. It’s not like birthdays move around, FFS.

This is a son problem, not DIL problem.

My MIL lives a short flight away. I have been with DH for 20 years and we have never once celebrated MIL’s birthday together. She did have a 70th birthday recently and DH flew up for her birthday and said we did not have to go since our kids had conflicts.

My parents also live out of town. I visit my mom and dad every year the weekend before or after their birthdays. Some years the whole family goes. Other years I take the kids only.

OP’s husband is the one to blame in this situation. He should have made plans for his mother’s birthday. Sat or Sun would have been fine I’m sure. The lack of effort and last min cancellation would hurt my feelings whether it was a spouse, child, family or friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

Some of us teach our kids to behave at restaurants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole “someday you will be a grandparent” bit is so tired.

Yes, someday I hope to be a grandparent. And because I wasn’t raised in a barn, I would never throw out plans to busy parents with kids with only 24 hours of notice. I will respect my kids and their spouses enough to make invitations with lead time, and I’ll be open to alternate plans. We’ll figure out something that works for everyone, then we’ll enjoy each other’s company.

This will work especially well for things where you KNOW WHAT THE SPECIAL DATE IS, and can plan accordingly. It’s not like birthdays move around, FFS.

This is a son problem, not DIL problem.

My MIL lives a short flight away. I have been with DH for 20 years and we have never once celebrated MIL’s birthday together. She did have a 70th birthday recently and DH flew up for her birthday and said we did not have to go since our kids had conflicts.

My parents also live out of town. I visit my mom and dad every year the weekend before or after their birthdays. Some years the whole family goes. Other years I take the kids only.

OP’s husband is the one to blame in this situation. He should have made plans for his mother’s birthday. Sat or Sun would have been fine I’m sure. The lack of effort and last min cancellation would hurt my feelings whether it was a spouse, child, family or friend.

Marriage is a partnership. Your mil is family. Set a good example and be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

What are you talking about? Should they meet at the trampoline park? These kids really old enough to sit at a restaurant, color on the menu and see their grandparents for about an hour. And the mother, a parent, would be there. Goes to show that the MIL thinks highly of her DIL that she'd like to see her too if her son can't make it. Isn't that what the breeders are so worried about that they are just an incubator?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

What are you talking about? Should they meet at the trampoline park? These kids really old enough to sit at a restaurant, color on the menu and see their grandparents for about an hour. And the mother, a parent, would be there. Goes to show that the MIL thinks highly of her DIL that she'd like to see her too if her son can't make it. Isn't that what the breeders are so worried about that they are just an incubator?

Calm down, boomer. I guess you've never seen anything except a trampoline park and an adult restaurant in your life. The MIL specifically didn't care if she saw DIL or her own son on her birthday, she wanted grandkids there to stare at her in awe. I know it's difficult for you to consider anyone else than yourself, but we have all moved on. And if you cannot come up with anything, you sit in the trampoline park and color for an hour!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

What are you talking about? Should they meet at the trampoline park? These kids really old enough to sit at a restaurant, color on the menu and see their grandparents for about an hour. And the mother, a parent, would be there. Goes to show that the MIL thinks highly of her DIL that she'd like to see her too if her son can't make it. Isn't that what the breeders are so worried about that they are just an incubator?

Calm down, boomer. I guess you've never seen anything except a trampoline park and an adult restaurant in your life. The MIL specifically didn't care if she saw DIL or her own son on her birthday, she wanted grandkids there to stare at her in awe. I know it's difficult for you to consider anyone else than yourself, but we have all moved on. And if you cannot come up with anything, you sit in the trampoline park and color for an hour!

lol I have young kids. You make zero sense so no use in responding to some bizarre rant suggesting I've never seen anything but restaurants and trampoline parks? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do kids need to see grandparents on their birthdays in a restaurant? Sitting in restaurants is for adults. Normal grandparents want to see their own kids and their spouses too, not just the grandkids, and pick a place that suits families with young kids. The whole premise of this event, having to see grandkids without their parents in a restaurant is weird.

What are you talking about? Should they meet at the trampoline park? These kids really old enough to sit at a restaurant, color on the menu and see their grandparents for about an hour. And the mother, a parent, would be there. Goes to show that the MIL thinks highly of her DIL that she'd like to see her too if her son can't make it. Isn't that what the breeders are so worried about that they are just an incubator?

Calm down, boomer. I guess you've never seen anything except a trampoline park and an adult restaurant in your life. The MIL specifically didn't care if she saw DIL or her own son on her birthday, she wanted grandkids there to stare at her in awe. I know it's difficult for you to consider anyone else than yourself, but we have all moved on. And if you cannot come up with anything, you sit in the trampoline park and color for an hour!

lol I have young kids. You make zero sense so no use in responding to some bizarre rant suggesting I've never seen anything but restaurants and trampoline parks? What?

So why are you responding? You sure don't sound as someone who has young kids or raised any. It was you who suggested a trampoline park, as if it's the only option left. So you do you.