Was I wrong to skip MIL birthday dinner?

[Anonymous]

MIL should make plans weeks ahead if she wanted to see grandkids. That’s ridiculous to expect them to show last minute, and rude. How ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Did you spend time with them at the Holidays? How often do you see your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL should make plans weeks ahead if she wanted to see grandkids. That’s ridiculous to expect them to show last minute, and rude. How ridiculous.

On a day off school when everyone knows its her birthday weekend? I don't totally agree but also DH should have just said NO from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I didn’t feel great about showing up solo with two kids while my husband was absent."

This is so odd to me. Clearly you live near these people and you've likely known them for at least 10 years since you have 2 kids in school.

Also odd is not realizing Friday Jan 2 is not a school day!

Honestly? They said, “Does Friday the 2nd at 5pm work?” and I just took it. Surely you aren’t thinking I deliberately did this anticipating ILs would invite us to dinner at 6pm on this exact day with only 24 hours notice, right?

I didn’t think it was fair to show up alone. To me, to the kids, to everyone at the (not exactly kid-friendly) restaurant. ILs aren’t helpful. I just didn’t want to in that moment, without DH there to help carry conversation with his parents, or help manage the kids.

LOL. OP, you are a Beetch, you are just finding it hard to accept that. I am sure I don't know you IRL.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that I think this is a huge deal given the late notice but I probably would have tried to go if it was me. It was her birthday, it wasn't a huge imposition. Husband should have left work though, that's on him.

[Anonymous]

How to tell that OP is a Karen without her saying it.

[Anonymous]

Obviously your husband is in the wrong for not planning in advance. And you certainly are not troubling yourself to make it right. Well, your kids will learn not to care when it’s your turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" I didn’t feel great about showing up solo with two kids while my husband was absent."

This is so odd to me. Clearly you live near these people and you've likely known them for at least 10 years since you have 2 kids in school.

Also odd is not realizing Friday Jan 2 is not a school day!

Bingo, so you all didn't see them on the 1st, and 2nd yeah, you bad DIL

[Anonymous]

What kind of work does your DH do?

MIL should be mad at him. Why couldn’t you have dinner a little later or pick a restaurant closer to you?

It seems jerky of all of you when you could have easily made this work. If anything, DH could have said fri is hard but let’s meet on Sat for brunch or lunch. My kids are still young but I would be disappointed too.

[Anonymous]

You should have said no rather than play it by ear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to tell that OP is a Karen without her saying it.

This isn’t the snark or dig you think it is.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with your ILs to get so upset over this? It’s one dinner.

And where is your husband on this? You haven’t answered that.

[Anonymous]

The whole thing is weird. DH should have replied no from the start if he had to work and the kids had dental appointments. But he also should have offered her an alternative time rather than leaving it vague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL was hoping DH would plan something. When he didn’t, she planned it. It was last minute. You could have gone but you chose not to. Which is fine, but in making that choice you signaled to your MIL that you don’t feel that close to her.

Also, your DH hung you out to dry. He should’ve told his mother that your nuclear family can’t make it and would plan something soon.

Now you know that seeing her grandkids on special occasions is important to her.

Shouldn't MIL have been hoping her FIL would plan it, not her son?

[Anonymous]

It's obvious to all of us you don't like them and neither does your DH. If your ILs are not idiots, it's also obvious to them. This is why their feelings are now hurt.

Your issue is how you handled it. You should have just said oh so sorry we can't make plans so last minute but we'd love to take you out at X time.

Not, my commute is too long and oh it's too hard after the dentist. Those two reasons, while your prerogative, are the reasons of people who do not really give a shite about the people extending the invitation or like them very much.

Make it less obvious how much you dislike them is my advice.