Was I wrong to skip MIL birthday dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Just because someones birthday is coming up doesn’t mean the world holds its breath waiting for them to make plans. How long a blackout period around the blessed date do you hold for your DIL? No plans that week? That month?

[Anonymous]

I would have made an effort, but that's just me.

And no, I'm not my MIL's biggest fan, but she did produce my favorite person, so that counts for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Do you mean DIL? OP is the DIL and her MILs birthday is not her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your ILs to get so upset over this? It’s one dinner.

And where is your husband on this? You haven’t answered that.

But you can make the exact argument for OP? Why is she upset over one dinner?

I would have gone, only because I want to teach my boys to do things for their parents (and DH models it too). But, we're also pretty low key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole “someday you will be a grandparent” bit is so tired.

Yes, someday I hope to be a grandparent. And because I wasn’t raised in a barn, I would never throw out plans to busy parents with kids with only 24 hours of notice. I will respect my kids and their spouses enough to make invitations with lead time, and I’ll be open to alternate plans. We’ll figure out something that works for everyone, then we’ll enjoy each other’s company.

This will work especially well for things where you KNOW WHAT THE SPECIAL DATE IS, and can plan accordingly. It’s not like birthdays move around, FFS.

It’s tired because the lack of self awareness is tiring. There seems to be a whole generation of women calling their MILs selfish and crazy when they can’t see their own rigidity and bitterness. Anyone at the point where they're saying things like “what adult even wants a birthday celebration?” Is the one who is cruel and mocking and it would be hard to believe their MIL problems are one sided.

DP, any adult this in their feelings about their birthday is a little nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Just because someones birthday is coming up doesn’t mean the world holds its breath waiting for them to make plans. How long a blackout period around the blessed date do you hold for your DIL? No plans that week? That month?

I ask when she wants to celebrate. No blackout period needed. Are you all really this helpless in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Do you mean DIL? OP is the DIL and her MILs birthday is not her responsibility.

Yes, it is AS a decent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your ILs to get so upset over this? It’s one dinner.

And where is your husband on this? You haven’t answered that.

But you can make the exact argument for OP? Why is she upset over one dinner?

I would have gone, only because I want to teach my boys to do things for their parents (and DH models it too). But, we're also pretty low key.

She’s not upset, her MIL is. Did you jot read the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Just because someones birthday is coming up doesn’t mean the world holds its breath waiting for them to make plans. How long a blackout period around the blessed date do you hold for your DIL? No plans that week? That month?

I ask when she wants to celebrate. No blackout period needed. Are you all really this helpless in real life?

No, I’m just not a cruise director. My FIL is responsible for making his wife’s birthday wishes come true, my job is to participate as available. You have a weird idea of the appropriate role of an in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how hard would it have been to take 90 minutes to do this. Its a Friday, not a school day, and you had the rest of the weekend to "recover".

+1


Someday you, OP, will be the MIL who is a grandparent. Wanting to see your grandkids. Imagine when they stand you up after a dentist appt. Can see her view too, selfish.

OP will likely give more than 24h notice then. It's not difficult.

Ideally they will not have to tell their own kid that their birthday is coming up.

Do you mean DIL? OP is the DIL and her MILs birthday is not her responsibility.

Yes, it is AS a decent person.

Nope. Just because one has a vagina doesn't make them responsible for their husbands parents' issues. Stop with this sexist nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with your ILs to get so upset over this? It’s one dinner.

And where is your husband on this? You haven’t answered that.

But you can make the exact argument for OP? Why is she upset over one dinner?

I would have gone, only because I want to teach my boys to do things for their parents (and DH models it too). But, we're also pretty low key.

How is the relationship though? It sounds like it's good so it's not hard to model anything. It's so easy to treat chill, easy people well, and it's really hard to do when you don't get along and the relationship is frosty.

[Anonymous]

You didn’t “skip” anything, because there was no set and confirmed plans.

If people want to make plans with busy parents, they give more than 24 hours’ notice.

[Anonymous]

Why are people suggesting that OP could have taken the kids to dinner immediately after a dental appointment? Usually, your teeth and gums are a bit sore, and you have fluoride (meaning no eating or drinking for a few hours).

OP also probably couldn't have rescheduled without having to wait at least 1-2 more months for an appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people suggesting that OP could have taken the kids to dinner immediately after a dental appointment? Usually, your teeth and gums are a bit sore, and you have fluoride (meaning no eating or drinking for a few hours).

OP also probably couldn't have rescheduled without having to wait at least 1-2 more months for an appointment.

They basically just brush kids teeth at the dentist. Mine have never had food or drink restrictions after fluoride.