Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

I think this thread offended some people by shifting to what the current elderly have done wrong.

I think in light of OP's original question, I have been downsizing even though my kids are young teens. I needed an emergency overnight stay at a hospital to realize I wasn't going to live forever and thankfully everything resolved, but I was lying in the hospital bed partially stressed about what would happen if something happened to me. I'd be leaving a large amount of STUFF for DH and my kids to deal with.

So since then I've been working to be ready for the next time.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one with parents in their 80's with too much stuff. My parents are hoarders and are at about 50% of the hoarding level that you see on the Hoarders TV show.

So, most rooms have little pathways to go through and most rooms are filled up to waist level with stuff on the floors. The bathrooms and kitchen are cluttered, but still usable.

I'm worried they might trip on something and their house situation is rather depressing looking at all that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

Yes, some of the comments on this thread remind me of a conversation with my husband.

Me: We need to clean out the garage.
Him: Okay, I just won't have anything!

Um, no I didn't say we had to get rid of EVERYTHING.

except the people on this thread are speaking as if having more than two sets of cutlery and two plates means you're a selfish boomer.

people who hoard - that's a real problem.

people who've accumulated the normal life's amount of stuff and haven't dealt with it when they get older - it's normal. it sucks and it's normal.

people who clean our their stuff regularly because that's how they like to live and they are also thinking of how this'll be for someone down the road? that's wonderful! do more of that! we also like to purge our stuff because it's nice for US to have a less cluttered house. but we're under no obligation to do so because one day the people who inherit our stuff will have to spend three days cleaning instead of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread offended some people by shifting to what the current elderly have done wrong.

I think in light of OP's original question, I have been downsizing even though my kids are young teens. I needed an emergency overnight stay at a hospital to realize I wasn't going to live forever and thankfully everything resolved, but I was lying in the hospital bed partially stressed about what would happen if something happened to me. I'd be leaving a large amount of STUFF for DH and my kids to deal with.

So since then I've been working to be ready for the next time.

I am one of the people offended by the talk about what old people have done wrong, and yes - that's exctly it.

I love hearing what people are choosing to do themselves, because they want to do it.

As the kid of silent generation parents, now in their 80s, it makes my blood boil when people talk about people that age, and even younger, as if they are monsters for daring to still be alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am one of the people offended by the talk about what old people have done wrong, and yes - that's exctly it.

I love hearing what people are choosing to do themselves, because they want to do it.

As the kid of silent generation parents, now in their 80s, it makes my blood boil when people talk about people that age, and even younger, as if they are monsters for daring to still be alive.

If you feel offended, it means you yourself are a culprit. Equivalating "daring to be alive" with "We own a house full of stuff and never threw anything away for 50 years!" is sad and pathetic. You can be alive with less stuff, you are not a worse person for it, and if you cannot comprehend this, good luck to your kids. Maybe this thread is a good wake-up call to people like yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread offended some people by shifting to what the current elderly have done wrong.

I think in light of OP's original question, I have been downsizing even though my kids are young teens. I needed an emergency overnight stay at a hospital to realize I wasn't going to live forever and thankfully everything resolved, but I was lying in the hospital bed partially stressed about what would happen if something happened to me. I'd be leaving a large amount of STUFF for DH and my kids to deal with.

So since then I've been working to be ready for the next time.

I, too, have been thinking of how and when to commence the serious downsizing/decluttering. DC1 will head off to college this Fall, with DC2 two years from now. DH and I often joke that when we drop DC2 off for their freshman year, the “For Sale” sign is going up in the front yard. Realistically, we’ll have a few more years to hit full retirement. We both like our current employment situations and don’t feel the need to shove off just yet. But the “stuff” has to get pared down. We’re hoping the kids will take some of it as they set up their own adult lives but, personally, I won’t be offended if they don’t want any of it. They may “need” some of it but I hope they’ll be honest enough with themselves to either temporarily “accept” it or just forgo it til they can afford what they really want.

DH is more of a “saver” of the sentimental and it’ll probably surprise him (and my kids) what I’d have no issues with letting go of.

What neither of us will stand for, though, is not having our financial “house” in order. The wills/trusts are frequently updated (and will under go another major change as oldest will soon be an “adult”). THAT is the “stuff” I’m infinitely grateful my otherwise hoarder Dad also had in-place. Closing down a Life is more than just cleaning out and selling their home. Luckily, we lived close by, had a close relationship, and it was more time than aggravation involved in settling his estate (mom passed away decades ago). I still miss them both immensely and the few things of theirs in our home are daily and pleasant reminders of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

I disagree as well. Even though my parents have some "finer things", the problem for me is that they expect us to do the work they should have done years ago. I'm the youngest and I'm 50+, we all have our own stuff to the brim. And to be honest, if they would have given away some over the past 40-50 years, these things would have been appreciated. Now they aren't. There's just too much and it's all too old. What I'm especially sad about is that my dad has some fantastic books... well, they're too heavy and too far, so... and yes, my childhood piano, that nobody has played on for 30+ years. PSA: give what you can to young ones in their 20-30 age range, once people start their own families and buy their own stuff, they will not want yours.

This is a bizarre take. When I was 30, my mom was 55 and very much enjoying her fancy china ( she still occasionally does). Why would she give it to me then? Yes, that probably means once she is gone it will be donated instead of staying in the family, but so what.

Heh seriously. They should have given it away 50 years ago? When they were - what, 30?

Guys, stuff is going to be a problem. No matter what, it is going to be a problem. It'll be awful. It's not your parents' job to live like monks in order to make it slightly less awful.

Can you really not see any middle ground between "living like monks" and borderline hoarding, to the point where things are mildewing and deteriorating from being buried in stacks but never accessible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Black and white thinking is a psychological restriction on the ability to apply logic, not some sort of all-purpose cudgel that proves your point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

Yes, some of the comments on this thread remind me of a conversation with my husband.

Me: We need to clean out the garage.
Him: Okay, I just won't have anything!

Um, no I didn't say we had to get rid of EVERYTHING.

except the people on this thread are speaking as if having more than two sets of cutlery and two plates means you're a selfish boomer.

people who hoard - that's a real problem.

people who've accumulated the normal life's amount of stuff and haven't dealt with it when they get older - it's normal. it sucks and it's normal.

people who clean our their stuff regularly because that's how they like to live and they are also thinking of how this'll be for someone down the road? that's wonderful! do more of that! we also like to purge our stuff because it's nice for US to have a less cluttered house. but we're under no obligation to do so because one day the people who inherit our stuff will have to spend three days cleaning instead of one.

You know, not feeling any obligation at all in regards to what you will leave behind for younger people to deal with after you are gone really does seem to be kind of a generational thing. I don't think it will persist as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread offended some people by shifting to what the current elderly have done wrong.

I think in light of OP's original question, I have been downsizing even though my kids are young teens. I needed an emergency overnight stay at a hospital to realize I wasn't going to live forever and thankfully everything resolved, but I was lying in the hospital bed partially stressed about what would happen if something happened to me. I'd be leaving a large amount of STUFF for DH and my kids to deal with.

So since then I've been working to be ready for the next time.

I am one of the people offended by the talk about what old people have done wrong, and yes - that's exctly it.

I love hearing what people are choosing to do themselves, because they want to do it.

As the kid of silent generation parents, now in their 80s, it makes my blood boil when people talk about people that age, and even younger, as if they are monsters for daring to still be alive.

Hmm. There it is again. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/black-and-white-thinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread offended some people by shifting to what the current elderly have done wrong.

I think in light of OP's original question, I have been downsizing even though my kids are young teens. I needed an emergency overnight stay at a hospital to realize I wasn't going to live forever and thankfully everything resolved, but I was lying in the hospital bed partially stressed about what would happen if something happened to me. I'd be leaving a large amount of STUFF for DH and my kids to deal with.

So since then I've been working to be ready for the next time.

I am one of the people offended by the talk about what old people have done wrong, and yes - that's exctly it.

I love hearing what people are choosing to do themselves, because they want to do it.

As the kid of silent generation parents, now in their 80s, it makes my blood boil when people talk about people that age, and even younger, as if they are monsters for daring to still be alive.

Oh the defensive histrionics. Calm down. This is a good reminder that, yes, as you age, you should be paring down. As you age, you should be making plans. And those plans don’t include insisting that everyone in your family be a permanent steward of your possessions, which may not be to their taste or something you can use. Some old people refuse to deal with realities. Be brave, be practical, be reasonable, plan ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Black and white thinking is a psychological restriction on the ability to apply logic, not some sort of all-purpose cudgel that proves your point.

Slam dunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

Yes, some of the comments on this thread remind me of a conversation with my husband.

Me: We need to clean out the garage.
Him: Okay, I just won't have anything!

Um, no I didn't say we had to get rid of EVERYTHING.

except the people on this thread are speaking as if having more than two sets of cutlery and two plates means you're a selfish boomer.

people who hoard - that's a real problem.

people who've accumulated the normal life's amount of stuff and haven't dealt with it when they get older - it's normal. it sucks and it's normal.

people who clean our their stuff regularly because that's how they like to live and they are also thinking of how this'll be for someone down the road? that's wonderful! do more of that! we also like to purge our stuff because it's nice for US to have a less cluttered house. but we're under no obligation to do so because one day the people who inherit our stuff will have to spend three days cleaning instead of one.

You know, not feeling any obligation at all in regards to what you will leave behind for younger people to deal with after you are gone really does seem to be kind of a generational thing. I don't think it will persist as time goes on.

You know, the insistence that the whole world revolves around you and everyone should be bending over backwards to accommodate you and validate your feelings seems to be a generational thing too. People are entitled to live in their own houses the way they like it.