Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Do you care?

I’m helping my cousins deal with their mother’s house. My aunt’s passing was very sad, but what’s even sadder is how much work my cousins have to do—amid their grief and all the legal ramifications—to deal with the stuff, stuff, stuff, STUFF.

Do older adults ever even consider how much stuff their adult kids/families will have to deal with? Do you care? Do you get that your family will have to deal with your STUFF after your death, or when you transition to assisted living or a nursing home, *while they are also dealing with their own homes, families, jobs, etc.?*

[Anonymous]

One of the reasons we will in a small house is so that we don’t accumulate a lot of stuff. I’m always giving away stuff and do a whole house purge every fall and spring.

[Anonymous]

My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

[Anonymous]

Can’t you call a junk removal company and have it all hauled away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you call a junk removal company and have it all hauled away?

+1. I don’t want to spend more than a day on stuff like this. Just trash everything and get the house on the market to be sold.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I did not mean that the stuff is sadder than her death. That came out wrong. I just meant it is honestly heartbreaking to see them, grief-stricken, also dealing with tons of work, confusion, guilt, and endless labor. They know she didn’t want it all to go to Goodwill or what have you, but they (and the larger family) only want a few things, not everything. There’s just so much.

The weight of the stuff is very, very heavy.

[Anonymous]

Death cleaning is important to do before you die.

I plan to downsize dramatically and essentially live in a minimalist condo—ideally by the beach.

I’ll sell or give away all the sentimental stuff, etc. and just live with comfortable furnishings and a few family photos. That way, my kids can sell the condo furnished if they like or simply have a company empty it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and older relatives have some sick joke that if we’re inheriting all their money we have to deal with cleaning and selling.

It is what it is. I think by 85, people should have their homes parsed down and cleared out. Like spare room closets empty, attic empty, basement empty

Agreed. Dealing with my parents house after my mom died was horrible. As an immigrant who grew up with nothing, she had a collection of plastic takeout containers hoarded away, suitcases of undergarments bought in her home country, just random collections of stuff as well as old broken furniture she would never give away. I vowed not to do that to my kids. We have aquired quite a lot, but live in a small house with limited storage, so I purge often. A nice side benefit is my kids are now into thrifting for clothes.

[Anonymous]

Im facing this now. Dad passed away, mom moving to assisted living and a house packed to the gills with stuff over the last 40 years. Across the country. It makes me cry just thinking about how much work it’s going to be.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine died unexpectedly last year, divorced with no family. I had to clean out her house. It has made me start to get rid of things at my house, whittle it down to the bare minimum and stop buying anything that will just accumulate. My weak spot is entertaining, and I keep too many platters, glasses, etc, but I want my kids to know they can give it all away when I'm gone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the reasons we will in a small house is so that we don’t accumulate a lot of stuff. I’m always giving away stuff and do a whole house purge every fall and spring.

I want to be like this. I COULD be like this on my own. My husband disagrees. He wants to keep EVERYTHING. 95% of the stuff in our closet is his---clothes he hasn't worn in 15+ years. So much garbage stuff. His mom was like that too--kept EVERYTHING. His parents had a 3 bedroom house and the two "guest room" closets were jam packed with stuff. There were beds and other furniture crammed into the rooms and barely walkable pathways to get around. They wanted us to stay there when we visited but there was literally no where to set up a packnplay for the baby. His mom died and his dad remarried immediately. The new wife got rid of everything!

[Anonymous]

I look at the stuff we have and picture our 2 sons dealing with it after we’re gone—they won’t be thanking us. It’s motivation to throw out. Like the PP, my DH is the problem-he “might need it someday” even though it’s useless. I do what I can to keep possessions to a minimum.

[Anonymous]

For those worried about the work-I’ve just been through this and tbh it was ok. The key is to be prepared (along with your siblings if any) to just choose meaningful items to keep if any and then pay someone to come get the rest. It wasn’t that expensive and genuine donated what was donate-able.

Initially, one sibling showed signs of wanting to sort through every single thing and find the perfect home for each jigsaw puzzle (including a zip code map puzzle-not kidding!) but we had a bit of an intervention with that sibling and after that things were easy. It did decrease by a few thousand the estate money but it was worth its weight in gold.

[Anonymous]

I was watching 3body problem and one of the 30 year old people on the show died unexpectedly and his friends came over to clean out his stash of “extra personal” effects in his bedroom before his family got there

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I do not get along but all of us will unanimously agree to rent a dumpster and park in in the driveway. My mom has crap on every surface of her house. And I do mean crap, random crap she got at thriftstores. Counter space in kitchen end to end covered with random appliances covered in greasy dust. etc etc etc