Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

hahahaha start giving things away at age 51?

what are you supposed to do for the next 30 years after that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

I disagree as well. Even though my parents have some "finer things", the problem for me is that they expect us to do the work they should have done years ago. I'm the youngest and I'm 50+, we all have our own stuff to the brim. And to be honest, if they would have given away some over the past 40-50 years, these things would have been appreciated. Now they aren't. There's just too much and it's all too old. What I'm especially sad about is that my dad has some fantastic books... well, they're too heavy and too far, so... and yes, my childhood piano, that nobody has played on for 30+ years. PSA: give what you can to young ones in their 20-30 age range, once people start their own families and buy their own stuff, they will not want yours.

This is a bizarre take. When I was 30, my mom was 55 and very much enjoying her fancy china ( she still occasionally does). Why would she give it to me then? Yes, that probably means once she is gone it will be donated instead of staying in the family, but so what.

Heh seriously. They should have given it away 50 years ago? When they were - what, 30?

Guys, stuff is going to be a problem. No matter what, it is going to be a problem. It'll be awful. It's not your parents' job to live like monks in order to make it slightly less awful.

Can you really not see any middle ground between "living like monks" and borderline hoarding, to the point where things are mildewing and deteriorating from being buried in stacks but never accessible?

*I* can but the people on this thread don't seem to see the difference. They're complaining about furniture, collectibles, china, everything like that in addition to the papers and sh** that are all in the basement. That is LIFE.

Obviously people who are actual hoarders have a different situation.

You ... are excluding hoarding from the discussion but insist on framing others as saying their parents have to live like monks and only leave jewelry behind?

That's not seeing the middle ground. That's hiding behind claiming everyone is misunderstanding you by assuming the extreme, but then doing exactly that to everyone else.

it's really not. and yes i exclude hoarding because that is a mental illness, one which makes life hell for everyone throughout life. people on this thread are complaining about their parents having FURNITURE they have to deal with after their death.

someone is grousing that 50 year olds dare to have more than one set of plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

hahahaha start giving things away at age 51?

what are you supposed to do for the next 30 years after that?

You can live on 2 sets of china rather than the 4 sets you are hoarding PP.

[Anonymous]

Wow -- 16 pages on this topic? When my Dad died last year - - we hired an estate tag sale company. They sold stuff and emptied out the rest of the house. They got a percentage and we ended up with a couple of thousand dollars.

No drama. No heavy lifting. I really don't get the problem.

[Anonymous]

I’m already making good on my promise to DC to de-clutter our house just after spending months cleaning out my late parents’ home; mailed a box of items I’ve stored to a much-younger fellow collector, with more to follow. So satisfying!

Also, some items truly degrade in storage! I so want to tell my ILs this because the paper items, to include photos in albums and old magazines all turn to dust and have to be tossed. Either you do it now or we’ll do it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow -- 16 pages on this topic? When my Dad died last year - - we hired an estate tag sale company. They sold stuff and emptied out the rest of the house. They got a percentage and we ended up with a couple of thousand dollars.

No drama. No heavy lifting. I really don't get the problem.

Yeah, bc you didn’t do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

I disagree as well. Even though my parents have some "finer things", the problem for me is that they expect us to do the work they should have done years ago. I'm the youngest and I'm 50+, we all have our own stuff to the brim. And to be honest, if they would have given away some over the past 40-50 years, these things would have been appreciated. Now they aren't. There's just too much and it's all too old. What I'm especially sad about is that my dad has some fantastic books... well, they're too heavy and too far, so... and yes, my childhood piano, that nobody has played on for 30+ years. PSA: give what you can to young ones in their 20-30 age range, once people start their own families and buy their own stuff, they will not want yours.

This is a bizarre take. When I was 30, my mom was 55 and very much enjoying her fancy china ( she still occasionally does). Why would she give it to me then? Yes, that probably means once she is gone it will be donated instead of staying in the family, but so what.

Heh seriously. They should have given it away 50 years ago? When they were - what, 30?

Guys, stuff is going to be a problem. No matter what, it is going to be a problem. It'll be awful. It's not your parents' job to live like monks in order to make it slightly less awful.

Can you really not see any middle ground between "living like monks" and borderline hoarding, to the point where things are mildewing and deteriorating from being buried in stacks but never accessible?

*I* can but the people on this thread don't seem to see the difference. They're complaining about furniture, collectibles, china, everything like that in addition to the papers and sh** that are all in the basement. That is LIFE.

Obviously people who are actual hoarders have a different situation.

You ... are excluding hoarding from the discussion but insist on framing others as saying their parents have to live like monks and only leave jewelry behind?

That's not seeing the middle ground. That's hiding behind claiming everyone is misunderstanding you by assuming the extreme, but then doing exactly that to everyone else.

it's really not. and yes i exclude hoarding because that is a mental illness, one which makes life hell for everyone throughout life. people on this thread are complaining about their parents having FURNITURE they have to deal with after their death.

someone is grousing that 50 year olds dare to have more than one set of plates.

You think it's absolutely fine to have three storage units of stuff you never see and pack the house so full the joists crack. That costs tens of thousands of dollars to deal with, and it's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry people are giving you a hard time. It's a ton of work and I will not do to my kids what was done to us. It's a shame so many people have to go the route of trying to guilt trip or thinking because they can throw money everyone can or just because they have rich parents and made some money through an estate sale everyone can. It's a ton of work. It's time you are not giving to your job, your kids, your spouse, your sanity. It's work that shouldn't have to happen. many of these elders had many more years than we will have of retirement when they could have spent the same amount of time cleaning up their own junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow -- 16 pages on this topic? When my Dad died last year - - we hired an estate tag sale company. They sold stuff and emptied out the rest of the house. They got a percentage and we ended up with a couple of thousand dollars.

No drama. No heavy lifting. I really don't get the problem.

Most of us don't have stuff anyone wants. No estate company is coming for my mom's piano that was last tuned when Eisenhower was president or my dad's sailboat that has been slowly rotting in the yard for a decade.

[Anonymous]

Try having two days to clean out your parent’s two bedroom apartment in the midst of grief.

Go ahead and drag your feet, tell yourself that you don’t have the energy, much less the will to even step foot in the very place where your parent just died less than 72 hours before but realize that the clock is ticking and you don’t really want to keep paying the $6000/monthly rent on a vacant apartment.

So, you go and spend an entire day with your siblings and quietly cry while packing boxes and making quick decisions on whether to save/trash/donate and it all feels wrong. An invasion of privacy. Find your parent’s handwritten notes about their failing health, future plans for a surgical intervention, family calendars from decades ago and travel diaries. No time to read but split second decisions have to be made. Toss out garbage bags filled with personal info like old bills and prescriptions - no time to shred and at this point will someone try to commit ID fraud? Gotta head out to the dumpster. Repeat about 12 times. Shameful amount gets tossed when you’re on a deadline and running out of patience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow -- 16 pages on this topic? When my Dad died last year - - we hired an estate tag sale company. They sold stuff and emptied out the rest of the house. They got a percentage and we ended up with a couple of thousand dollars.

No drama. No heavy lifting. I really don't get the problem.

Well, one problem is that some people get it in their head that the STUFF is worth far more than a couple thousand dollars. You have some siblings who just want to do something similar to what you did, and other siblings who become enraged because they believe they'll be "giving away a fortune."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

WTH! I’m not sure where you intuited that. I’m an interior designer. But, I’m not going to get rid of a decorative jar for my kids because I’m 50. But, you’re proving my point about a moldy mind. Just relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the note OP.

Any tips for getting rid of stuff if you’re a keeper of “too much” stuff? I especially struggle with old work papers. I’m kinda stuck. When I’m on a flight and turbulence hits; I think heaven forbid I leave my kids to dispose of stupid boxes full of work papers from a job from 15 years ago!! All tips welcome.

DC has free shredding services for residents several times a year. You can take up to 5 medium (20” x 14” x 14”) boxes of papers to be shredded. (basically, what fits into one shred bin). You then watch them take the bin up to the shred truck and it gets consumed and shredded.

https://dpw.dc.gov/service/document-shredding