Do you ever think of how much STUFF you are leaving for your family to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

WTH! I’m not sure where you intuited that. I’m an interior designer. But, I’m not going to get rid of a decorative jar for my kids because I’m 50. But, you’re proving my point about a moldy mind. Just relax.

You keep saying it's fine for people to pack their homes so tight there are only goat trails through the moldering stuff. That's going to make the people who have to deal with it later sick with respiratory diseases, and you're just laughing about it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

I disagree as well. Even though my parents have some "finer things", the problem for me is that they expect us to do the work they should have done years ago. I'm the youngest and I'm 50+, we all have our own stuff to the brim. And to be honest, if they would have given away some over the past 40-50 years, these things would have been appreciated. Now they aren't. There's just too much and it's all too old. What I'm especially sad about is that my dad has some fantastic books... well, they're too heavy and too far, so... and yes, my childhood piano, that nobody has played on for 30+ years. PSA: give what you can to young ones in their 20-30 age range, once people start their own families and buy their own stuff, they will not want yours.

This is a bizarre take. When I was 30, my mom was 55 and very much enjoying her fancy china ( she still occasionally does). Why would she give it to me then? Yes, that probably means once she is gone it will be donated instead of staying in the family, but so what.

Heh seriously. They should have given it away 50 years ago? When they were - what, 30?

Guys, stuff is going to be a problem. No matter what, it is going to be a problem. It'll be awful. It's not your parents' job to live like monks in order to make it slightly less awful.

Can you really not see any middle ground between "living like monks" and borderline hoarding, to the point where things are mildewing and deteriorating from being buried in stacks but never accessible?

*I* can but the people on this thread don't seem to see the difference. They're complaining about furniture, collectibles, china, everything like that in addition to the papers and sh** that are all in the basement. That is LIFE.

Obviously people who are actual hoarders have a different situation.

You ... are excluding hoarding from the discussion but insist on framing others as saying their parents have to live like monks and only leave jewelry behind?

That's not seeing the middle ground. That's hiding behind claiming everyone is misunderstanding you by assuming the extreme, but then doing exactly that to everyone else.

it's really not. and yes i exclude hoarding because that is a mental illness, one which makes life hell for everyone throughout life. people on this thread are complaining about their parents having FURNITURE they have to deal with after their death.

someone is grousing that 50 year olds dare to have more than one set of plates.

You think it's absolutely fine to have three storage units of stuff you never see and pack the house so full the joists crack. That costs tens of thousands of dollars to deal with, and it's gross.

I guess you can't read since I specifically said hoarding is bad at any age. But hoarding is mental illness. People having their STUFF that they live with is not the same as hoarding. If you think it is, I suggest you go talk to an expert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

WTH! I’m not sure where you intuited that. I’m an interior designer. But, I’m not going to get rid of a decorative jar for my kids because I’m 50. But, you’re proving my point about a moldy mind. Just relax.

You keep saying it's fine for people to pack their homes so tight there are only goat trails through the moldering stuff. That's going to make the people who have to deal with it later sick with respiratory diseases, and you're just laughing about it.

Jesus Christ, literally no one has said that. You really have no sense of proportionality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the note OP.

Any tips for getting rid of stuff if you’re a keeper of “too much” stuff? I especially struggle with old work papers. I’m kinda stuck. When I’m on a flight and turbulence hits; I think heaven forbid I leave my kids to dispose of stupid boxes full of work papers from a job from 15 years ago!! All tips welcome.

DC has free shredding services for residents several times a year. You can take up to 5 medium (20” x 14” x 14”) boxes of papers to be shredded. (basically, what fits into one shred bin). You then watch them take the bin up to the shred truck and it gets consumed and shredded.

https://dpw.dc.gov/service/document-shredding

LOL. Five boxes. I literally had over twenty Hefty bags from my dad’s office. Saved every piece of mail from all of his investments for over forty years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

WTH! I’m not sure where you intuited that. I’m an interior designer. But, I’m not going to get rid of a decorative jar for my kids because I’m 50. But, you’re proving my point about a moldy mind. Just relax.

You keep saying it's fine for people to pack their homes so tight there are only goat trails through the moldering stuff. That's going to make the people who have to deal with it later sick with respiratory diseases, and you're just laughing about it.

Chances are your kids will not want those decorative jars, lady. And don’t assume you kkkw what they will want. The phrase “I am saving these for you/for my kids” should be banished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think the people who get upset are those who also have difficulty disposing of items.

So if their parents don't do the hard sorting job, making sure that items get sent to appropriate caretakers who will love and cherish the cut glass, the real wood furniture, their china that no one wants, all the books... then the children need to do it and they resent it because they can't just throw it all away. They feel they need to respect the objects and find them a good home.

I disagree as well. Even though my parents have some "finer things", the problem for me is that they expect us to do the work they should have done years ago. I'm the youngest and I'm 50+, we all have our own stuff to the brim. And to be honest, if they would have given away some over the past 40-50 years, these things would have been appreciated. Now they aren't. There's just too much and it's all too old. What I'm especially sad about is that my dad has some fantastic books... well, they're too heavy and too far, so... and yes, my childhood piano, that nobody has played on for 30+ years. PSA: give what you can to young ones in their 20-30 age range, once people start their own families and buy their own stuff, they will not want yours.

This is a bizarre take. When I was 30, my mom was 55 and very much enjoying her fancy china ( she still occasionally does). Why would she give it to me then? Yes, that probably means once she is gone it will be donated instead of staying in the family, but so what.

Heh seriously. They should have given it away 50 years ago? When they were - what, 30?

Guys, stuff is going to be a problem. No matter what, it is going to be a problem. It'll be awful. It's not your parents' job to live like monks in order to make it slightly less awful.

Can you really not see any middle ground between "living like monks" and borderline hoarding, to the point where things are mildewing and deteriorating from being buried in stacks but never accessible?

*I* can but the people on this thread don't seem to see the difference. They're complaining about furniture, collectibles, china, everything like that in addition to the papers and sh** that are all in the basement. That is LIFE.

Obviously people who are actual hoarders have a different situation.

You ... are excluding hoarding from the discussion but insist on framing others as saying their parents have to live like monks and only leave jewelry behind?

That's not seeing the middle ground. That's hiding behind claiming everyone is misunderstanding you by assuming the extreme, but then doing exactly that to everyone else.

it's really not. and yes i exclude hoarding because that is a mental illness, one which makes life hell for everyone throughout life. people on this thread are complaining about their parents having FURNITURE they have to deal with after their death.

someone is grousing that 50 year olds dare to have more than one set of plates.

You think it's absolutely fine to have three storage units of stuff you never see and pack the house so full the joists crack. That costs tens of thousands of dollars to deal with, and it's gross.

I guess you can't read since I specifically said hoarding is bad at any age. But hoarding is mental illness. People having their STUFF that they live with is not the same as hoarding. If you think it is, I suggest you go talk to an expert.

So someone is misrepresenting a position you took as its most hyperbolic form and then criticizing you for it?

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point of this thread is that stuff shouldn't be a problem and accumulating it shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There is a big difference between living like a monk and a 5-bedroom house full of stuff to the brim, which has been accumulating for 40-50 years. You don't have to give your stuff away when you're 30, as you don't have much then anyway, but in your 50s you should think that you don't live forever and pass some stuff on to kids/grandkids/anyone who would find your stuff that you no longer need useful. Like your kids' piano, that you don't know how to play. I mean does this really needs being spelled out?

wait we have to do a swedish death cleanse in our 50s now, to satisfy you?

i'm 51 and just finished paying off my student loans five years ago. now you want me to live as if death could be around the corner any minute now?

do what YOU want and get off your ridiculous high horse about how other people have to empty their fridge by next week in case they drop dead and you're forced to deal with their material possessions.

Wow, you are really defensive about your age.

Someday there will be karma for you.

Honey, I won’t be defensive or resentful about my age. Every year is a gift. I’ve had friends die at 39. You think I’m going to be mad at being 51? What a blessing that will hopefully be!

Instead of grumbling and grousing, embrace each stage of life, and face things head on, including death and preparing for death. I’m not saying you need to Swedish Death Clean at 51, but you should be thinking about things/stuff and not being a hyperconsumer as you age. And you shouldn’t be counting on so and so to take all your china, you know the stuff you use exactly twice a year? Start giving things away. Be proactive. Death will come for you, and age will come for you if you’re lucky. There’s no need to cower in fear and stick your head in the sand.

Honey? So, you’re a misogynist as well as ageist and clearly very unhappy for raining on this thread over and over. I’d rather have some extra stuff in my house than pure junk in my mind.

Your "extra stuff" attracts roaches, rats, and other rodents, not to mention the black mold. How can you live like that? Why do you think it's fine to be buried by your stuff?

WTH! I’m not sure where you intuited that. I’m an interior designer. But, I’m not going to get rid of a decorative jar for my kids because I’m 50. But, you’re proving my point about a moldy mind. Just relax.

You keep saying it's fine for people to pack their homes so tight there are only goat trails through the moldering stuff. That's going to make the people who have to deal with it later sick with respiratory diseases, and you're just laughing about it.

Jesus Christ, literally no one has said that. You really have no sense of proportionality.

It's annoying to have someone flail at you for a strawman they created, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

My parents decided to downsize and just sold their home of 40+ years. They were trying to clean house while they're still able and make it easier for us to deal with their stuff. But they still needed help with the getting rid of stuff and I had to fly over to where they were and spend 3 days helping them pack up, right at the end of school year when my work was at a super-busy period. There's never a convenient time, but at least they were still able to help me help them purge their stuff.

[Anonymous]

Clearly, this is a sensitive topic.

[Anonymous]

To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

Why do you think that everyone else's home and experience is exactly the same as yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

*five bedrooms*. I shudder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

*five bedrooms*. I shudder.

PP here. Don't worry, we're in a small Prince George's County home that we made into 5 bedrooms with a garage conversion. The whole home would probably fit into the typical DCUM poster's family room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

Why do you think that everyone else's home and experience is exactly the same as yours?

DP. She didn't say that. Stop putting words in other people's mouths. She answered OP's question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP's question, I occasionally think about it, but not much. DH and I are in our 60s, and we still live in our 5-BR suburban home. It's neat and well-kept, but sure it's full of random items our kids will need to sort. We had to do the same for our parents, and it was a slog, but not the nightmare some posters here have been portraying. There are services that can help with this process if you like.

Regarding china in general, I covet my mom's china, which was handed down to her by my paternal grandmother. My grown daughters also covet the one set I bought back in 1987. I'm not sure who doesn't love china, but those folks don't live in my family.

We use our china.