MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

Gonna be awfully lonely when everyone goes to Grandma's for Thanksgiving and you're sitting home alone.

You do you, boo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

NP, I’ve posted this sentiment on here before. The boomers think only Christmas counts, with thanksgiving a distant second. All other holidays are worth nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

Yeah, it's pretty disrespectful if it's been done a certain way for a long time. How many more years will the older women even be able to do this? So petty to take that pleasure away from them, when you could simply create a new tradition with a different holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

Yeah, it's pretty disrespectful if it's been done a certain way for a long time. How many more years will the older women even be able to do this? So petty to take that pleasure away from them, when you could simply create a new tradition with a different holiday.

Do they not still have the pleasure of hosting, just within an expanded circle? It is too much to ... share?

[Anonymous]

PS: The ending of things due to declining health and dying is only one type of ending, and it is often after a full life where things were already shared with you and enjoyed.

Our younger generations have children that will only be small for so long. They are growing, too, and that is another ending. Pretty soon they will be teenagers and often less willing to participate in the family events, or away at college. That is an ending, too, and a closing window for their parents to enjoy their own children in these special ways as a big celebration in their home.

People seem to be saying that because MIL has done it for so long, it is cruel to ask her to share. Isn't that, instead, the very reason to ask her to share, while the younger parents still have their chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are immature and silly.

If you so badly want a holiday at your house do Easter.

It won’t be long before MIL is too old to host anything.

Then she’d do well to start acting like someone people want to be around or she’ll have a lot of lonely nursing home
Thanksgivings to look forward to.

👆
This. Maybe it's age or selfishness but they are very alienating in general. We are going through this in my fam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL and one of DH’s aunts have traded off hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas at their homes. A few years ago, DH and I just went to their houses when it was DH’s family’s turn for us to visit for whatever holiday.

Two years ago, DH and I bought a large home that we love, which has two guest rooms, plus one kid room that can easily be reconfigured into a guest room. Last year, DH and I said we would like to start hosting, as an open discussion. (Not an announcement.) Everyone, MIL and the aunt included, loved the idea and we agreed on Thanksgiving at our house this year.

Well, people are starting to think about flights and driving, etc. (MIL is only an hour away from our house. For others, they’d have to travel an equidistant way, all hometowns are equally priced out the same in turns of flights, etc.

Well, now MIL has decided she’s not ready to give up hosting, it’s her turn, she wants to host now. DH and I are not pleased about this, and are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” But I’m torn. No health issues, no diving concerns, this is strictly because she wants to host and no “good” reason.

Tough shit. Respect your elders. You will get your turn eventually.

BS. I'm not waiting until everyone in the generation above me can no longer lift a turkey to have my own Thanksgiving.

There’s the Thanksgiving spirit!

Hoarding certainly isn't. Again, learn to share.

That’s not how this works. The husband and his family have traditions and customs. It's awfully presumptuous to come along and make trouble over it. OP won’t win this the MIL and aunt have much more sway here.

The husband has a new family with OP and they are starting their own traditions and customs.

That's exactly how this works.

That’s no what OP is doing. She and the DH are trying to force everyone come to their house. The MIL and aunt don’t want to share or change, they already have their way of doing things.

Yea, this. OP is free to say “we’d like to have our Thanksgiving in our own home this year, and everyone is welcome. Please let us know.” But it’s not cool for her to insert herself into her in law’s thanksgiving tradition by insisting she now be part of the rotation. Yea, I know - they’re the in laws so by definition they are evil and are only on this earth for the purpose of derision and ridicule. But still.

OP here. You seem to forget that I have a husband. He is the one who started this conversation. Then everyone was on the same page. All were very supportive, most especially DH’s aunt.

At any rate, aunt just confirmed she will be at our house as planned.

You're fine and I'm a MIL. I have a co MIL that assumes she owns Thanksgiving - evening event. That pest will be lucky to find herself at any table for 2023.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.

Gonna be awfully lonely when everyone goes to Grandma's for Thanksgiving and you're sitting home alone.

You do you, boo

Oh sweetie, my family as a rotation, and so does DH’s family. We host on both sides, when it is our turn. You tried it though! Sowwy!

*We* celebrate when a married couple buys a home and wants to host.

[Anonymous]

It’s very obvious what really happened here. OP brought up hosting Thanksgiving in front of everyone, and not wanting to be rude, everyone quickly agreed. But they didn’t really want to do it in the first place. They were just trying to avoid confrontation. They figured they’d just deal with it later.

Had OP privately approached her MIL from the outset, I bet a million dollars she would have gotten a different answer. But she didn’t do that. She/her husband put her MIL on the spot. Her MIL has probably been fretting about this for a year because it’s something she never really wanted to do.

Who’s going to tell her daughter in law with a new house that she’s obviously super proud of that she doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving there, especially when she’s asked in front of everyone?

I get that OP wants to have her own traditions for her own family. Again - assuming (maybe wrongly) that she’s Christian - that’s what Christmas is for. The time will come soon enough when the MIL and the aunt will be too old to host Thanksgiving, and then OP can step up. But, really, what’s the upside to OP being so obstinate with the MIL about this? Is this really the hill to die on?

Oh, and I’m with the other poster. There’s no way the Aunt has agreed to this. OP is making that up.

[Anonymous]

I still do not understand why it is not a joy when our children become successful and secure enough to be able comfortably host the family at our biggest get-togethers. Isn't that what we wanted -- to raise them well, to value their family, to share the blessings in their lives by opening their homes to the loved ones?

Why is this not the GOAL?

[Anonymous]

My nephew got married last year, and one of his wife's sisters gave a speech that included the line "We have filled the chair next to Larla at Thanksgiving."

I watched the eyebrows raise on every member of our family, as if to say "Like hell you did."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s very obvious what really happened here.[/b] OP brought up hosting Thanksgiving in front of everyone, and not wanting to be rude, everyone quickly agreed. But they didn’t really want to do it in the first place. They were just trying to avoid confrontation. They figured they’d just deal with it later.

Had OP privately approached her MIL from the outset, I bet a million dollars she would have gotten a different answer. But she didn’t do that. She/her husband put her MIL on the spot. Her MIL has probably been fretting about this for a year because it’s something she never really wanted to do.

Who’s going to tell her daughter in law with a new house that she’s obviously super proud of that she doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving there, especially when she’s asked in front of everyone?

I get that OP wants to have her own traditions for her own family. Again - assuming (maybe wrongly) that she’s Christian - that’s what Christmas is for. The time will come soon enough when the MIL and the aunt will be too old to host Thanksgiving, and then OP can step up. But, really, what’s the upside to OP being so obstinate with the MIL about this? Is this really the hill to die on?

Oh, and I’m with the other poster. There’s no way the Aunt has agreed to this. OP is making that up.

Mmmm, not so much. Not at all "very obvious."

But I do understand that this is what you see when you read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Imagine creating a family fight about this. Are there not plenty of holidays to go around?

NP. No, actually, there are not. There are two that people travel out of state for, on a regular basis: Thanksgiving and Christmas. How many times have you heard of all family prioritizing and traveling for St. Patrick’s Day or even Fourth of July? When families are all local, yeah, maybe throwing a big Valentine’s Day party would be A Thing. There are long drives, flights, and overnight stays involved for this family. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still do not understand why it is not a joy when our children become successful and secure enough to be able comfortably host the family at our biggest get-togethers. Isn't that what we wanted -- to raise them well, to value their family, to share the blessings in their lives by opening their homes to the loved ones?

Why is this not the GOAL?

Because the Sunset Boulevard types still believe they are the only main characters. So creepy. Enjoy your solo Thanksgiving at Grey Gardens!