For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

No one is entitled to inheritance.

Exactly why the 2nd wife should not expect to get it.

Who says we want it?

Good we agree, you should not get it.

You should also start working stop collecting alimony and start saving for your kids inheritance. Instead of using men as a pay check

I actually have always made more money than my ex. Our money is in a trust and my ex can’t get it out without my say so.

I don’t think he’s stupid enough to take on a dependent 2nd wife.

I suspect if he’s stupid enough to remarry she wouldn’t be a slug who expected money from my family trust.

Good God! Second wives are slugs are they lol i have a career and don't take a dime from DH.
Seems to me from this thread these poor men WERE
Married to 'slugs' and now their baby slugs are crying about inheritance

Glad we agree his inheritance goes to his kids when he dies since you are not a slug and you don’t need it.

Exactly goes to all kids...not just your greedy baby slugs crying about daddy's money

You and he can create an inheritance if you want for your slug. My kids get all the money in our trust during our marriage.

Come on slug I had him during the low earning years… you can do this without your slug getting our money.

There was no money during the marriage. If she wanted his money, she shouldn't have cheated and stayed married to him. Simple.

This

We aren’t talking about ex cheating wives.

We are talking about his kids.

Do you punish the kids because she cheated? Nice

You aren't punishing kids by not leaving them an inheritance. Maybe all the money is the new wife's. Ever consider that?

You are not entitled to an inhertance.

And, yes, cheating wives has a huge impact.

We aren’t talking about the new wife’s money we are talking about the dad’s inheritance.

2nd wives can have a more negative impact, don’t be that person.

You understand that some marriages are long-term. We have been married for twice as long as he was married to his ex now so our money in mixed. There is no his/my money and its our money. We only kept our money separate when he paid child support as his ex filed in court expecting me to pay her child support (thankfully the judge threw that demand out).

So, what you are saying is I could be married for 40 years to my husband but the day he dies, 100% of our money should go to his kids, and not me and our kids. Sure, ok.

Let’s put it this way.

You are married 40 years.

You and he have $3M … you and he together.

You die.

Your $ goes to him. He dies 2/3 of your money goes to his 2 kids from his 1st marriage and your kid gets 1/3.

Each kid gets $1M

Orrrrrr

Your kid get your 1/2 $1.5M.

His kids split his 1/2 3 ways?

You want your money going to his kids from his 1st marriage?

Do you know how I can tell you don't know anything about finance or the law?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

Not to their ex, to their kids. The kids should not have their dads estate diluted by your kids.

No one is entitled to inheritance.

Exactly why the 2nd wife should not expect to get it.

Who says we want it?

Good we agree, you should not get it.

You should also start working stop collecting alimony and start saving for your kids inheritance. Instead of using men as a pay check

I actually have always made more money than my ex. Our money is in a trust and my ex can’t get it out without my say so.

I don’t think he’s stupid enough to take on a dependent 2nd wife.

I suspect if he’s stupid enough to remarry she wouldn’t be a slug who expected money from my family trust.

Good God! Second wives are slugs are they lol i have a career and don't take a dime from DH.
Seems to me from this thread these poor men WERE
Married to 'slugs' and now their baby slugs are crying about inheritance

Glad we agree his inheritance goes to his kids when he dies since you are not a slug and you don’t need it.

Exactly goes to all kids...not just your greedy baby slugs crying about daddy's money

You and he can create an inheritance if you want for your slug. My kids get all the money in our trust during our marriage.

Come on slug I had him during the low earning years… you can do this without your slug getting our money.

There was no money during the marriage. If she wanted his money, she shouldn't have cheated and stayed married to him. Simple.

This

We aren’t talking about ex cheating wives.

We are talking about his kids.

Do you punish the kids because she cheated? Nice

You aren't punishing kids by not leaving them an inheritance. Maybe all the money is the new wife's. Ever consider that?

You are not entitled to an inhertance.

And, yes, cheating wives has a huge impact.

We aren’t talking about the new wife’s money we are talking about the dad’s inheritance.

2nd wives can have a more negative impact, don’t be that person.

You understand that some marriages are long-term. We have been married for twice as long as he was married to his ex now so our money in mixed. There is no his/my money and its our money. We only kept our money separate when he paid child support as his ex filed in court expecting me to pay her child support (thankfully the judge threw that demand out).

So, what you are saying is I could be married for 40 years to my husband but the day he dies, 100% of our money should go to his kids, and not me and our kids. Sure, ok.

Let’s put it this way.

You are married 40 years.

You and he have $3M … you and he together.

You die.

Your $ goes to him. He dies 2/3 of your money goes to his 2 kids from his 1st marriage and your kid gets 1/3.

Each kid gets $1M

Orrrrrr

Your kid get your 1/2 $1.5M.

His kids split his 1/2 3 ways?

You want your money going to his kids from his 1st marriage?

Do you know how I can tell you don't know anything about finance or the law?

Do you know how I can tell you are a 2nd wife who just realized if you die 1st his kids get your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Why do you think kids are entitled to inheritance? Get a job and earn your own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many spoiled grownup kids here. Make your own money, and be happy that your father has a new family! Happy for your father!

What’s it like being a trophy wife?

So far so good, wait, actually I am not the trophy wife, I have a trophy wife…. That is not the point, the point here is young people should work hard to make a living, and be grateful.

So why didn't your wife do that.

Even if the trophy wife does not work, she worked hard to become a trophy wife, and it is not a easy task. Most men with money are not stupid. You could work hard to become a trophy wife or trophy husband if that is the lifestyle you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Why do you think kids are entitled to inheritance? Get a job and earn your own money.

You’re dead. Who do you think should get the money when he dies after you? The cat? A church? Only your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many spoiled grownup kids here. Make your own money, and be happy that your father has a new family! Happy for your father!

What’s it like being a trophy wife?

So far so good, wait, actually I am not the trophy wife, I have a trophy wife…. That is not the point, the point here is young people should work hard to make a living, and be grateful.

So why didn't your wife do that.

Even if the trophy wife does not work, she worked hard to become a trophy wife, and it is not an easy task. Most men with money are not stupid. You could work hard to become a trophy wife or trophy husband if that is the lifestyle you like.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

With retirement accounts, you set who they will go to. So, if your husband decides they go to the first kids, that's his choice. Ours are set up where they go to the spouse, then our kids if both of us die. Simple. If there are minor kids, the money should be used to care for all minor kids first.

If you die your retirement goes to your husband.

So you cut his kids out of the inheritance of his money?

Yes, all my money goes to my husband first.

Why are they entitled to money? You sound greedy. If he chooses to leave them money that's his choice. But, they aren't entitled to anything, nor our our kids however our kids are entitled to be supported till they are adults. His kids are adults. They choose the relationships with him and we will base what they get off the relationship after our kids needs have been met. Shouldn't our kids get the same as his kids got?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Why do you think kids are entitled to inheritance? Get a job and earn your own money.

You’re dead. Who do you think should get the money when he dies after you? The cat? A church? Only your kid?

Who knows who will die first or even if there will be any money? But, yes, our kids. If they are the ones taking care of us in our old age, they deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

The kids were not allowed to have a relationship with their Dad long before I came into the picture. Good try. His ex is a nightmare, to put it nicely. Kids can inherit from her and her AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Why do you think kids are entitled to inheritance? Get a job and earn your own money.

You’re dead. Who do you think should get the money when he dies after you? The cat? A church? Only your kid?

Who knows who will die first or even if there will be any money? But, yes, our kids. If they are the ones taking care of us in our old age, they deserve it.

So you want to cut his kids out of his money. Got it.

All his money goes to your children only.

That is why people hate 2nd wives.

The reality is, if you die 1st. You have no say. He can give all the money to his 1st kids and cut your kids out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

With retirement accounts, you set who they will go to. So, if your husband decides they go to the first kids, that's his choice. Ours are set up where they go to the spouse, then our kids if both of us die. Simple. If there are minor kids, the money should be used to care for all minor kids first.

If you die your retirement goes to your husband.

So you cut his kids out of the inheritance of his money?

Yes, all my money goes to my husband first.

Why are they entitled to money? You sound greedy. If he chooses to leave them money that's his choice. But, they aren't entitled to anything, nor our our kids however our kids are entitled to be supported till they are adults. His kids are adults. They choose the relationships with him and we will base what they get off the relationship after our kids needs have been met. Shouldn't our kids get the same as his kids got?

Well that’s the question. Should the kids get an even split or should he just unilaterally decide after you die.

Should you set up the money to protect your children should you die 1st or do you just trust he won’t give it all to his 1st kids. Or better yet , you die he marries, kicks your kids out at 18 because they are “adults” and spend your money on her rugrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me wonder, is it possible to legally negotiate inheritance for one's kids during the divorce process? Could save them some of this down the road if so.

My uncle set up trusts for his 2 kids from his first marriage before he remarried several years after his divorce. College was also taken care of. His first wife also had a very good settlement. He has 2 kids with his current wife and everyone seems to get along well.