For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Honestly I don’t care. As long as he is a good husband and father to our kids then the rest doesn’t matter. He knows i won’t stick around if he fails us, and it would hurt him financially a lot more than me to divorce. Re estate planning, I’ve got things worked out so that my kids and I will be fine if he dies and our kids will be fine if we both die. If you focus on anything else you’ll drive yourself crazy and turn into someone you don’t want to become. Once our kids are adults and educated, I care a lot less. I want to leave most of my estate to a nonprofit that is close to my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

You should have a life insurance policy to help raise your children. Have you not done that?

Sure but it’s something he controls. I control my income and I save it. It doesn’t matter that much in the scheme of things as he has plenty and can afford to fund our entire lifestyle and he does. I work for peace of mind.

So we agree his kids should get even amount of money should he die.

Honestly I don’t care. As long as he is a good husband and father to our kids then the rest doesn’t matter. He knows i won’t stick around if he fails us, and it would hurt him financially a lot more than me to divorce. Re estate planning, I’ve got things worked out so that my kids and I will be fine if he dies and our kids will be fine if we both die. If you focus on anything else you’ll drive yourself crazy and turn into someone you don’t want to become. Once our kids are adults and educated, I care a lot less. I want to leave most of my estate to a nonprofit that is close to my heart.

Oh yea… your going to leave your money to a non profit, not help grandkids with college.

You’re a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I detest my dad & his second wife. They’re raising their kids in my childhood home. His daughter’s bedroom is mine.

Your sister you mean??
You are an a*@.
Maybe he got the daughter he wanted

HAHA not my sister. I have a real sister, thankfully. And she’s pissed, too.

You are an emotionally immature as*hol#

Whether you like it or not she is your sister

Feel sorry for your stepmom that she has to suffer with a twit like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these 2nd wives have no idea that if they die 1st their money will go to the adult children from his 1st marriage and only a portion will go to their own child.

Why would you assume that?

so you are cool with your retirement going to his kids if you die early due to cancer. All that money goes to your H, then passes to all his heirs.

That is what you want for your child? To share the money you earned your whole life to go to kids from his 1st marriage?

I have an estate plan. 66% goes into a self executing trust for my kids and 33% goes to my spouse. I sought legal help before we ever got married. My brother not my spouse is the executor of my trust for my kids. DH pays for our lifestyle though I also work. If he was saddled with lifetime alimony I never would have married him. If he stops being an attentive husband and father I’m out.

So your money goes to your kids and his money goes to all his kids.

That is exactly what people are saying.

The adult children should still get a portion of the h’s inheritance.

So if he dies, he did the same 66% goes to the kids and 30% to you?

I assume if he dies in that scenario the 66% would be divided among all his kids from both marriages, plus I would hope it would be less than 66% as we have young kids I need to raise and put through college. No matter what he does, I’ll be okay as I save all my earned income between my 401k, kids college accounts, and my brokerage account. It has to be this way. I have young kids and marrying him was a big risk.

Second wife here with young children. DH got tired of ex wife and dc demands. Still gives money towards education but has been sensible enough to make sure his kids from first marriage do not inherit anything we have built together. Put into a will. This goes to our kids. I work hard to pay for my kids not his. Lazy ex didn't build a nest egg for kids her problem. All the money dh gave them they spent on clothes. Vacations. Rinsed their savings account. So he says they are adults time to get jobs and build their own futures.
With my income I have already sorted out college, set up investment accounts and Rothschild with my own cash. Not dh cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then its not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

[Anonymous]

Happened to me. Then dad cheated on my sister’s mom and they divorced too. But I love my sister. I’m actually supporting her through college now since my dad is a deadbeat.

Second wives are idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then its not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

Sadly once people divorce that's what first wives do. Use kids as leverage and then cut them off from their dad when they don't get their own way. This happened to my DH. He knew it all along buy once they became adults money stopped. As soon as the money stopped the few crumbs they threw his way stopped too.
This thread proves my point.
Anyway dh now has a great Relationship with our kids. The one he always wanted. He is treated like a dad and not a check book.
So first wives and kids your the problems here and your entitled attitudes not second wives and new siblings.

[Anonymous]

Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

You realize sometimes the wives cheat and leave for their ap so the dads have no say. Nothing wrong with more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

A man in his 40’s with two young is NOT a young dad either. Most people wouldn’t want to be in your shoes either. Lol

[Anonymous]

Second wife here with young children. DH got tired of ex wife and dc demands. Still gives money towards education but has been sensible enough to make sure his kids from first marriage do not inherit anything we have built together. Put into a will. This goes to our kids. I work hard to pay for my kids not his. Lazy ex didn't build a nest egg for kids her problem. All the money dh gave them they spent on clothes. Vacations. Rinsed their savings account. So he says they are adults time to get jobs and build their own futures.
With my income I have already sorted out college, set up investment accounts and Rothschild with my own cash. Not dh cash.

But your kids will be adults someday, too. Why will they get to inherit from their dad but not his kids from his first marriage? Part of whatever you gave built together is his, and ALL his kids should benefit equally from that. Your list betrays you - you are clearly a stepmom who impedes a good relationship between your DH and his other kids instead of facilitating/encouraging one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

A man in his 40’s with two young is NOT a young dad either. Most people wouldn’t want to be in your shoes either. Lol

Big difference between having your first (and only) set of kids in your early 40s vs. starting your 2nd set of kids in your 50s. Huge difference.

[Anonymous]

NP. The younger kids are usually pretty messed up. If you want to be kind, you can take an aunt-type role. But know you will be picking up a lot of messy pieces.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty clear that the second wife always feels threatened by the idea that she's replaceable and their kids mean nothing to him (as evidenced by the guys past).

I say this as someone whose witnessed military men literally just dump their kids and go to wife #2 for more kids. They are total POS and the wives that encourage them to never see their other kids are also, again, just burying their heads in the sand as though it won't happen to them too. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag.