My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

WTAF? People on the internet are insane!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

She “texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair.” That may be whiny, but it’s not rude and it’s definitely not disrespectful. What the brother said was.

Do we teach our children to speak to others that way? Of course not, but because OP’s wife is allegedly some horrible woman who should be divorced immediately and she deserves to get put in her place? GMAFB. Vile.

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but come on. Of course it’s super rude to contact a random person (absolutely nobody to you, by blood or marriage) and demand that they spend tens of thousands of dollars on your kids taking them on vacations just because they feel entitled to it because they need to watch another kid get it. Nobody normal does that. The brother got annoyed and understandably so. Honestly she’s lucky he didn’t just tell her to F off. I’m sure he had to hold that back and feels like he did a pretty good job restraining himself!

NP but he's literally her brother in law. By marriage.

OP you sound like a weird observer in your own family. You've been with this woman for seven years and you don't think it's strange that your family doesn't care to get to know her beyond pleasantries? You don't particularly care about your stepdaughters even though you've known them since elementary school, you don't care enough about your own daughter not to join families with someone whose kids she dislikes enough to avoid your house, you don't care enough about your wife to tell you brother not to curse at her. You're just kind of drifting through, surrounded by people behaving various degrees of badly and reporting back on their behavior with little investment or awareness to how you're contributing to this dysfunction. It's bizarre, but I think this is a troll so who cares.

His family (if you mean his brother) has gotten to know her beyond pleasantries. They’re apparently at the level of her feeling entitled enough to call him directly, without her husbands knowledge or involvement, and make insane demands of his time and money. His family knows her and just doesn’t like her. Which is exactly what the brother said.

Not quite. OP's wife feels confident enough in her ability to control and manipulate OP, that she has calculated that bringing enormous pressure to bear on OP, to cause a family rift with his brother, on her behalf/her kids' behalf (the OP's stepkids), will result in some kind of a financial benefit to her (or her kids/his step kids) at some point down the road if she keeps the pressure on long enough. She does not care if that results in a permanent breach between OP and his brother, OP and his daughter, or anyone else.

Now, the financial benefit she anticipates by these tactics aren't necessarily that OP's brother in law will pay for OP's stepkids to do anything. That seems very unlikely. But, she will torment and guilt trip OP until he makes some sort of huge financial concession for the benefit of her, and/or her step kids. They have separate finances, however, she will attempt to manipulate and guilt OP into taking on financial responsibility for his step children in various ways.

She is just like the other woman who glommed her husband's $1,000 gift check from his Mom, only more so--the end result, the natural conclusion of that type of thinking and that type of behavior.

You are kind of an idiot if you think you can get married without ever taking on any financial responsibility for your spouse or their minor children. This would be as stupid as being surprised that you are expected to cook for them or make sure they get to school. That’s not real life.

[Anonymous]

So you’ve been together with these three girls’ mother since they were 8, 10 and 12, and you haven’t developed a close and loving family relationship with them? Umm, perhaps you guys should’ve figured it out earlier that you were adults, forcing your kids into a very adult, centered, selfish situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

Why does it matter if it’s a blood relative? It actually seems kind of worse that it’s because they are stepchildren.
My parents and sister will take just one of our kids on a trip sometimes. No one gets hurt feelings about it because they know that they are valuable and loved by everyone and treated fairly overall.

It matters because you owe them nothing. It is somewhat like taking one of your kid’s friends on a trip. If you want to and can afford it, great, but zero obligation. Frankly you have no obligation to take blood nephews/nieces on trips either.

OP's brother owes OP's step children nothing. OP's brother owes OP's natural daughter-his own niece by blood-nothing. Certainly not a fancy trio.

There, have we gotten that out of the way?
Good.

Next issue: Any person can use their own money any way that they see fit, as long as it is legally permissible. Brother can, at his option, give money or pay for a vacation for another person, but is not obliged to do so.

The brother can pay for, but is never obliged to, pay for anyone elses vacation that he wants. The other person does not have to be related to brother in any way. The other person can be a friend, an acquaintance, or a random stranger.

Still with me?

Brother could, if he wanted to, pay for vacations for OP's step kids but NOT for OP's own daughter. Why? BECAUSE IT IS HIS MONEY AND HE GETS TO DECIDE HOW TO SPEND IT, ASSUMING HIS OWN SPOUSE AGREES TO THAT.

OP's wife is wrong not because of who is or is not related to who, or what she does or does not think is fair, or whatever brother said to her, but because SHE DOES NOT GET TO DECIDE HOW BROTHER OR ANYONE ELSE WITH NO LEGAL OBLIGATION TO HER OR HER CHILDREN, SPEND THEIR MONEY.

If OP's wife does not like what his brother said to her, she can choose to have no contact with him, she can torture her husband about it, she can stand on her head in the corner throwing tantrums, whatever. When and if she decides to finish her drama, SHE STILL HAS NO SAY IN HOW BROTHER CHOOSES TO SPEND HIS MONEY.

The people posting in this thread who don't seem to grasp this are probably as stupid and greedy as she is, but that does not change the facts.

Applause 👏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

You're very short sighted if you think the brother is the only issue here. Why are you so hyper focused on the brother and ignoring the ripple effect? The daughter will be resentful if the beloved uncle is cut off. Who do you think she's going to blame? Her wicked step mother perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

6 months or 60 years you are still married just the same. Don't marry someone with kids if you put your relationship with your brother over the relationship with your step kids.

You know marriages can be ended with divorce, right? The daughter is forever the spouse is not.

I'm talking about the brother. You should owe your wife and children a little more than your sibling

Nah. Wives come and go, siblings are forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP may be a troll, but the people in this thread are so juvenile, vulgar, and classless. True gutter Jerry Springer audience members of the soul. That response was *way* out of line when speaking to any man’s wife, let alone his own brother’s wife.

She contacted him first and made a rude demand. She got back what she was dishing out. Who did she think she was to contact him and talk to him that way?

She “texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair.” That may be whiny, but it’s not rude and it’s definitely not disrespectful. What the brother said was.

Do we teach our children to speak to others that way? Of course not, but because OP’s wife is allegedly some horrible woman who should be divorced immediately and she deserves to get put in her place? GMAFB. Vile.

I’m not the person you’re responding to, but come on. Of course it’s super rude to contact a random person (absolutely nobody to you, by blood or marriage) and demand that they spend tens of thousands of dollars on your kids taking them on vacations just because they feel entitled to it because they need to watch another kid get it. Nobody normal does that. The brother got annoyed and understandably so. Honestly she’s lucky he didn’t just tell her to F off. I’m sure he had to hold that back and feels like he did a pretty good job restraining himself!

NP but he's literally her brother in law. By marriage.

OP you sound like a weird observer in your own family. You've been with this woman for seven years and you don't think it's strange that your family doesn't care to get to know her beyond pleasantries? You don't particularly care about your stepdaughters even though you've known them since elementary school, you don't care enough about your own daughter not to join families with someone whose kids she dislikes enough to avoid your house, you don't care enough about your wife to tell you brother not to curse at her. You're just kind of drifting through, surrounded by people behaving various degrees of badly and reporting back on their behavior with little investment or awareness to how you're contributing to this dysfunction. It's bizarre, but I think this is a troll so who cares.

His family (if you mean his brother) has gotten to know her beyond pleasantries. They’re apparently at the level of her feeling entitled enough to call him directly, without her husbands knowledge or involvement, and make insane demands of his time and money. His family knows her and just doesn’t like her. Which is exactly what the brother said.

Not quite. OP's wife feels confident enough in her ability to control and manipulate OP, that she has calculated that bringing enormous pressure to bear on OP, to cause a family rift with his brother, on her behalf/her kids' behalf (the OP's stepkids), will result in some kind of a financial benefit to her (or her kids/his step kids) at some point down the road if she keeps the pressure on long enough. She does not care if that results in a permanent breach between OP and his brother, OP and his daughter, or anyone else.

Now, the financial benefit she anticipates by these tactics aren't necessarily that OP's brother in law will pay for OP's stepkids to do anything. That seems very unlikely. But, she will torment and guilt trip OP until he makes some sort of huge financial concession for the benefit of her, and/or her step kids. They have separate finances, however, she will attempt to manipulate and guilt OP into taking on financial responsibility for his step children in various ways.

She is just like the other woman who glommed her husband's $1,000 gift check from his Mom, only more so--the end result, the natural conclusion of that type of thinking and that type of behavior.

You are kind of an idiot if you think you can get married without ever taking on any financial responsibility for your spouse or their minor children. This would be as stupid as being surprised that you are expected to cook for them or make sure they get to school. That’s not real life.

This is why I can’t understand marrying someone who still has kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

Why does it matter if it’s a blood relative? It actually seems kind of worse that it’s because they are stepchildren.
My parents and sister will take just one of our kids on a trip sometimes. No one gets hurt feelings about it because they know that they are valuable and loved by everyone and treated fairly overall.

It matters because you owe them nothing. It is somewhat like taking one of your kid’s friends on a trip. If you want to and can afford it, great, but zero obligation. Frankly you have no obligation to take blood nephews/nieces on trips either.

I’m not saying that it should matter to the BIL. It matters to the child. Why are you having difficulty empathizing with why this kind of thing would feel hurtful to a teenage girl?
It’s like inviting all but one girl in a friend group to the zoo, then telling that girl’s mom that it’s because you don’t like her or her kid.

It’s fine. You aren’t under any obligation. But you shouldn’t expect to be friends with that mom anymore, and if the girl’s dad takes YOUR side, that couple is headed for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

+1

That is why you only give important possesions to actual grandchildren, for example -NOT the ones who marry in. Same principle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.

I'm not referring to the daughter I'm referring to his brother. Why does he owe his brother loyalty over the woman he chose to marry??

Everyone here seems to say his relationship with his brother is more important than his relationship with his wife. Your wife is now your immediate family and after marriage your siblings become extended family

Think it through, if you shut down the trips with the loving aunt and uncle you risk alienating the daughter. It's all related. OP has only been married 6 months and the wife is pulling the bait and switch. She knew about these trips, and now she's trying to change the rules to her benefit. I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with my daughter for a duplicitous spouse.

I don’t know that it’s really a bait and switch. I mean, they were together for seven years. She probably did think she and her kids would be treated more as equal family members when they got married.
This whole thing reminds me of my single dad friend who married his nanny. He was surprised that she didn’t want to watch his kid while he went out on his own with his friends anymore. Dude, your relationship has changed.