My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (42m) have been married to my wife (39f) for 6 months. I have a daughter (17) and she has 3 daughters aged (14, 16 & 18). My daughter has a car and comes and goes between my house and her moms as she pleases. My wifes kids live with us 50% of the time. I am not a father figure to my wifes kids and she is not a mother figure to my daughter. I am their friend and they call me by my first name. I have a good relationship with them and my daughter and wife get along for the most part. My daughter does not get along with her step siblings but has her own room and is hardly ever home so they don't cross paths very often. She usually stays over when they are with their dad.

I have a brother (40m) and SIL (40f) and are child free. They don’t like kids but my daughter is the exception. They spend quite a bit of time with her and they have taken her on trips all over the world. She has been traveling with them since she was 5. Some of these trips last 4-6 weeks during the summer. My ex wife and I miss her like crazy but there is no way we would deprive her of these life changing experiences.

My wife and I were together for a few years before we got married so she was familiar with these trips and how my brother feels about kids. He gets her kids nice gifts for Christmas but has made no effort to get to know them beyond pleasantries and has no plans to take it beyond that.

After we got married my wife started to tell me it was not right that my daughter would go on these exotic trips and her kids were not included. I tried to shut this down right away and reminded her that she has known about these trips for years and my brother is under no obligation to take her kids. I also warned her not to bring this up to him directly because he would hurt her feelings. I tried to be as kind as possible but I told her this was not even a topic for discussion. I was not going to alienate my kid so her daughters would not be jealous. We had that conversation last November. I thought this topic had been dropped but it reared it’s ugly head again.

My SIL messaged me and my ex wife some dates for two trips they in the process of planning. One of the places they are going is to Dubai.

When my step daughters found out about Dubai there was a total meltdown. I’m not talking about just crying but whaling. The 18 year old threw an old fashion temper tantrum. She is on instagram and is trying to grow her page and I guess Dubai is popular place for influencers on Instagram.. My wife was so upset and kept going see see see. What did she want me to do??. She said either my brother take all of them or none of them. I said that was not happening. It was a very intense argument and I flat out told her my brother does not care about her kids like that. Even if I told him my daughter could not go he would never travel with them. My daughter is going end of story and they are going to have to accept it.

I thought that was it but my wife went behind my back and confronted my brother and texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair. He replied “I don’t like your kids and I don’t like you either. Don’t message me again with your bullshit.” She asked me what I was going to do about it. I said nothing. She was acting more entitled than her daughters and embarrassed me.

Now my wife is furious I did not defend her honor and “allowed” my brother to disrespect her and her kids. I warned her last November that my brother would hurt her feelings and that is exactly what happened. I can’t control him. This is causing some real issues though. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom for the last week. I feel like this marriage is doomed. Any advice?

What honor ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

In what world is it appropriate to tell your brother's wife that you dislike her children?

Is this man planning to come into that house and fake pleasantries with that woman and her children after this utterance or does he plan to pick up his niece at the curb from now henceforth?

Who in their right mind creates such a toxic environment around them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother doesn’t like your wife’s kids. Your daughter doesn’t like your wife’s kids.

Why did you not listen to these important people in your life.

Daughter should be more important than wife but why should jid brother be? What does he owe his brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team brother.

You need to divorce your wife. She is entitled and frankly ridiculous. Are you sure it’s not her who wants to be taken on these trips?? She sounds like a spoiled 12 year old herself.

Why does everyone scream divorce over one incident wife should be more important than a brother. You make vows to your wife and live with her not the case with your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

. . .

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

Why is his relationship with his bro more Important than the relationship with his own wife???

There is a 12 year long relationship history at play here. Meeting a kid at birth and meeting a kid as a teen is likely to result in a different relationship. Also there is nothing like a sibling’s kid and for a lot of people that doesn’t attach to step kids. In fact, neither OP nor his wife has developed a parent relationship with each other’s kids yet the uncle is supposed to? Yeah, no.

As to having him at the house, that’s a tough one. OP’s wife should get a say in who e gets her safe place but OP and his brother seem close.

I agree that the relationship is doomed.

BTW, I do like that brother was honest. No need to be gratuitously cruel but OP’s wife asked for it. I also like that OP is standing up for his kid and the relationship with Brother and SIL. I am extremely close with a few of my brothers’ kids and the extra adults to support them as they transitioned into independent adults was really valuable for them. OP’s daughter is really lucky to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

. . .

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

So the relationship with his brother shouldn't be more important and valuable than the relationship with his own wife???

There is a 12 year long relationship history at play here. Meeting a kid at birth and meeting a kid as a teen is likely to result in a different relationship. Also there is nothing like a sibling’s kid and for a lot of people that doesn’t attach to step kids. In fact, neither OP nor his wife has developed a parent relationship with each other’s kids yet the uncle is supposed to? Yeah, no.

As to having him at the house, that’s a tough one. OP’s wife should get a say in who e gets her safe place but OP and his brother seem close.

I agree that the relationship is doomed.

BTW, I do like that brother was honest. No need to be gratuitously cruel but OP’s wife asked for it. I also like that OP is standing up for his kid and the relationship with Brother and SIL. I am extremely close with a few of my brothers’ kids and the extra adults to support them as they transitioned into independent adults was really valuable for them. OP’s daughter is really lucky to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

. . .

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

There is a 12 year long relationship history at play here. Meeting a kid at birth and meeting a kid as a teen is likely to result in a different relationship. Also there is nothing like a sibling’s kid and for a lot of people that doesn’t attach to step kids. In fact, neither OP nor his wife has developed a parent relationship with each other’s kids yet the uncle is supposed to? Yeah, no.

As to having him at the house, that’s a tough one. OP’s wife should get a say in who e gets her safe place but OP and his brother seem close.

I agree that the relationship is doomed.

BTW, I do like that brother was honest. No need to be gratuitously cruel but OP’s wife asked for it. I also like that OP is standing up for his kid and the relationship with Brother and SIL. I am extremely close with a few of my brothers’ kids and the extra adults to support them as they transitioned into independent adults was really valuable for them. OP’s daughter is really lucky to have them.

His relationship with his own wife should definitely be more important and valuable than the relationship with his brother. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+100.

No wonder your daughter does not want to come around the house when the girls are there.

And your brother, he should take your wife's daughters on a trip for their instagram account attention seeking??? No way.

Good luck, but I fear you are in for more of the same.

p.s. I think it is wonderful that your daughter, and her uncle & aunt have had these trips together all these years. Priceless family memories!

+1

I'm not one for playing favorites, but in this case - it is not your actual family, it is step children. And, your brother treats his own blood nephew to a trip. I would feel differently if he was taking one blood relative, and not the rest - but that is not the case here. Your wife sounds like a demanding shrew, who bred three more demanding shrews. Yikes.

Why does it matter if it’s a blood relative? It actually seems kind of worse that it’s because they are stepchildren.
My parents and sister will take just one of our kids on a trip sometimes. No one gets hurt feelings about it because they know that they are valuable and loved by everyone and treated fairly overall.

It matters because you owe them nothing. It is somewhat like taking one of your kid’s friends on a trip. If you want to and can afford it, great, but zero obligation. Frankly you have no obligation to take blood nephews/nieces on trips either.

OP's brother owes OP's step children nothing. OP's brother owes OP's natural daughter-his own niece by blood-nothing. Certainly not a fancy trio.

There, have we gotten that out of the way?
Good.

Next issue: Any person can use their own money any way that they see fit, as long as it is legally permissible. Brother can, at his option, give money or pay for a vacation for another person, but is not obliged to do so.

The brother can pay for, but is never obliged to, pay for anyone elses vacation that he wants. The other person does not have to be related to brother in any way. The other person can be a friend, an acquaintance, or a random stranger.

Still with me?

Brother could, if he wanted to, pay for vacations for OP's step kids but NOT for OP's own daughter. Why? BECAUSE IT IS HIS MONEY AND HE GETS TO DECIDE HOW TO SPEND IT, ASSUMING HIS OWN SPOUSE AGREES TO THAT.

OP's wife is wrong not because of who is or is not related to who, or what she does or does not think is fair, or whatever brother said to her, but because SHE DOES NOT GET TO DECIDE HOW BROTHER OR ANYONE ELSE WITH NO LEGAL OBLIGATION TO HER OR HER CHILDREN, SPEND THEIR MONEY.

If OP's wife does not like what his brother said to her, she can choose to have no contact with him, she can torture her husband about it, she can stand on her head in the corner throwing tantrums, whatever. When and if she decides to finish her drama, SHE STILL HAS NO SAY IN HOW BROTHER CHOOSES TO SPEND HIS MONEY.

The people posting in this thread who don't seem to grasp this are probably as stupid and greedy as she is, but that does not change the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

In what world is it appropriate to tell your brother's wife that you dislike her children?

Is this man planning to come into that house and fake pleasantries with that woman and her children after this utterance or does he plan to pick up his niece at the curb from now henceforth?

Who in their right mind creates such a toxic environment around them?

When you are demanding someone take your children on an international vacation with them, should that person not give an honest explanation as to why they won't do that? He told her the truth, are you suggesting he lie? Maybe she shouldn't ask questions she might not like the answer to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

. . .

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

There is a 12 year long relationship history at play here. Meeting a kid at birth and meeting a kid as a teen is likely to result in a different relationship. Also there is nothing like a sibling’s kid and for a lot of people that doesn’t attach to step kids. In fact, neither OP nor his wife has developed a parent relationship with each other’s kids yet the uncle is supposed to? Yeah, no.

As to having him at the house, that’s a tough one. OP’s wife should get a say in who e gets her safe place but OP and his brother seem close.

I agree that the relationship is doomed.

BTW, I do like that brother was honest. No need to be gratuitously cruel but OP’s wife asked for it. I also like that OP is standing up for his kid and the relationship with Brother and SIL. I am extremely close with a few of my brothers’ kids and the extra adults to support them as they transitioned into independent adults was really valuable for them. OP’s daughter is really lucky to have them.

His relationship with his own wife should definitely be more important and valuable than the relationship with his brother. WTF?

Does not matter. She has no say in how brother spends brother's money. OP has no say in that either. If wife placed any value on the relationship she would not have gone behind his back trying to extort money from his brother. Stop gaslighting, this is all her fault, every bit of it, including the verbal smackdown she got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

respecting doesn't equal foisting them on his brother for an expensive international trip.

OP’s wife is mad at *him* and has him in the doghouse for not checking and correcting his brother’s over the top disrespectful comment NOT because the brother said no. She is in the right, DH is a passive coward in that regard.

No. OP's wife picked a fight that OP told her not to even think about. She deliberately went behind OP's back to do so. She got her head handed to her, appropproately so, by the brother's righteous truth,
and having done so, NOW comes running back to OP to clean up the mess SHE made?

OP's wife is a toxic, greedy little 304 who wants to blame everyone but herself for her poor decisions and for the conflict she single handedly created. Now she is doubling down, basically daring OP to divorce her.

Well, let's hope OP has even 10% of the spine his brother has, and she can sail right on out of his life into the sunset with her little witch-children and move to East Palestine Ohio right where she belongs, with all the other toxic waste.

In what world is it appropriate to tell your brother's wife that you dislike her children?

Is this man planning to come into that house and fake pleasantries with that woman and her children after this utterance or does he plan to pick up his niece at the curb from now henceforth?

Who in their right mind creates such a toxic environment around them?

The same world where said wife goes behind her husband's back to try to extort money she is not entitled to from his brother. The holy toxicity in the situation is her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love your brother! Listen to him. Divorce her.

Why is the bro more important than the wife??!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, you OP have responsibility to protect relationship of your daughter with her blood aunt or uncle and not let money grabber greedy stepdaughter mess it up

Right because blood is automatically always more important than your relationship with your spouse...

I would definitely put my daughter before my spouse who was trying to drive a wedge between us. Spouse is easily replaced.