My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

I (42m) have been married to my wife (39f) for 6 months. I have a daughter (17) and she has 3 daughters aged (14, 16 & 18). My daughter has a car and comes and goes between my house and her moms as she pleases. My wifes kids live with us 50% of the time. I am not a father figure to my wifes kids and she is not a mother figure to my daughter. I am their friend and they call me by my first name. I have a good relationship with them and my daughter and wife get along for the most part. My daughter does not get along with her step siblings but has her own room and is hardly ever home so they don't cross paths very often. She usually stays over when they are with their dad.

I have a brother (40m) and SIL (40f) and are child free. They don’t like kids but my daughter is the exception. They spend quite a bit of time with her and they have taken her on trips all over the world. She has been traveling with them since she was 5. Some of these trips last 4-6 weeks during the summer. My ex wife and I miss her like crazy but there is no way we would deprive her of these life changing experiences.

My wife and I were together for a few years before we got married so she was familiar with these trips and how my brother feels about kids. He gets her kids nice gifts for Christmas but has made no effort to get to know them beyond pleasantries and has no plans to take it beyond that.

After we got married my wife started to tell me it was not right that my daughter would go on these exotic trips and her kids were not included. I tried to shut this down right away and reminded her that she has known about these trips for years and my brother is under no obligation to take her kids. I also warned her not to bring this up to him directly because he would hurt her feelings. I tried to be as kind as possible but I told her this was not even a topic for discussion. I was not going to alienate my kid so her daughters would not be jealous. We had that conversation last November. I thought this topic had been dropped but it reared it’s ugly head again.

My SIL messaged me and my ex wife some dates for two trips they in the process of planning. One of the places they are going is to Dubai.

When my step daughters found out about Dubai there was a total meltdown. I’m not talking about just crying but whaling. The 18 year old threw an old fashion temper tantrum. She is on instagram and is trying to grow her page and I guess Dubai is popular place for influencers on Instagram.. My wife was so upset and kept going see see see. What did she want me to do??. She said either my brother take all of them or none of them. I said that was not happening. It was a very intense argument and I flat out told her my brother does not care about her kids like that. Even if I told him my daughter could not go he would never travel with them. My daughter is going end of story and they are going to have to accept it.

I thought that was it but my wife went behind my back and confronted my brother and texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair. He replied “I don’t like your kids and I don’t like you either. Don’t message me again with your bullshit.” She asked me what I was going to do about it. I said nothing. She was acting more entitled than her daughters and embarrassed me.

Now my wife is furious I did not defend her honor and “allowed” my brother to disrespect her and her kids. I warned her last November that my brother would hurt her feelings and that is exactly what happened. I can’t control him. This is causing some real issues though. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom for the last week. I feel like this marriage is doomed. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Life changing experiences…

In what way? Molding spoiled brats?

You’re all ridiculous and deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.

+1
OP, your brother's response was direct, honest and fair. How dare your wife confront him. That was so incredibly wrong of her. Your brother owes her nothing.
I am sorry OP is in this position, but it does sound like he is doing the right thing in supporting his daughter to go on these trips.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is beyond unreasonable. Your brother is definitely a straight shooter, but I think his response was hysterical - though definitely rude. IMO, your wife was rude first so she should not be surprised.

You are right in standing your ground on this, because your wife was WAY out of line. How can she demand that your brother take her three kids, who he barely knows, on international trips, just because he generously does that for his niece he has known for 17 years? Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (42m) have been married to my wife (39f) for 6 months. I have a daughter (17) and she has 3 daughters aged (14, 16 & 18). My daughter has a car and comes and goes between my house and her moms as she pleases. My wifes kids live with us 50% of the time. I am not a father figure to my wifes kids and she is not a mother figure to my daughter. I am their friend and they call me by my first name. I have a good relationship with them and my daughter and wife get along for the most part. My daughter does not get along with her step siblings but has her own room and is hardly ever home so they don't cross paths very often. She usually stays over when they are with their dad.

I have a brother (40m) and SIL (40f) and are child free. They don’t like kids but my daughter is the exception. They spend quite a bit of time with her and they have taken her on trips all over the world. She has been traveling with them since she was 5. Some of these trips last 4-6 weeks during the summer. My ex wife and I miss her like crazy but there is no way we would deprive her of these life changing experiences.

My wife and I were together for a few years before we got married so she was familiar with these trips and how my brother feels about kids. He gets her kids nice gifts for Christmas but has made no effort to get to know them beyond pleasantries and has no plans to take it beyond that.

After we got married my wife started to tell me it was not right that my daughter would go on these exotic trips and her kids were not included. I tried to shut this down right away and reminded her that she has known about these trips for years and my brother is under no obligation to take her kids. I also warned her not to bring this up to him directly because he would hurt her feelings. I tried to be as kind as possible but I told her this was not even a topic for discussion. I was not going to alienate my kid so her daughters would not be jealous. We had that conversation last November. I thought this topic had been dropped but it reared it’s ugly head again.

My SIL messaged me and my ex wife some dates for two trips they in the process of planning. One of the places they are going is to Dubai.

When my step daughters found out about Dubai there was a total meltdown. I’m not talking about just crying but whaling. The 18 year old threw an old fashion temper tantrum. She is on instagram and is trying to grow her page and I guess Dubai is popular place for influencers on Instagram.. My wife was so upset and kept going see see see. What did she want me to do??. She said either my brother take all of them or none of them. I said that was not happening. It was a very intense argument and I flat out told her my brother does not care about her kids like that. Even if I told him my daughter could not go he would never travel with them. My daughter is going end of story and they are going to have to accept it.

I thought that was it but my wife went behind my back and confronted my brother and texted him and asked him why he never took her kids anywhere that it was not fair. He replied “I don’t like your kids and I don’t like you either. Don’t message me again with your bullshit.” She asked me what I was going to do about it. I said nothing. She was acting more entitled than her daughters and embarrassed me.

Now my wife is furious I did not defend her honor and “allowed” my brother to disrespect her and her kids. I warned her last November that my brother would hurt her feelings and that is exactly what happened. I can’t control him. This is causing some real issues though. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom for the last week. I feel like this marriage is doomed. Any advice?

Your wife is completely out of line and she and her ex-husband did a terrible job raising their kids

Honestly you should divorce before you get any deeper into this.

[Anonymous]

You say that your marriage is doomed. I say, get out while you can.

I like your brother.

[Anonymous]

This is why I would never be in a relationship with step kids involved. I am not putting my kids through this chaos.

I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

But I know few people will. So my kids would never be in that scenario. Their home will always be their sanctuary, and anyone who does not like them is not welcome here.

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

[Anonymous]

Your brother doesn’t like your wife’s kids. Your daughter doesn’t like your wife’s kids.

Why did you not listen to these important people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to mock the 18 year-old step daughter who wants to be an influencer. Or suggest to her she look into OF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life changing experiences…

In what way? Molding spoiled brats?

You’re all ridiculous and deserve each other.

Totally agree. They all sound insufferable. I feel like it must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Team brother.

You need to divorce your wife. She is entitled and frankly ridiculous. Are you sure it’s not her who wants to be taken on these trips?? She sounds like a spoiled 12 year old herself.

[Anonymous]

Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I would never be in a relationship with step kids involved. I am not putting my kids through this chaos.

I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

But I know few people will. So my kids would never be in that scenario. Their home will always be their sanctuary, and anyone who does not like them is not welcome here.

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house

No. BIL was perfect.

Also, 3 kids? OP is a troll or a masochist. divorce her.