My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.

[Anonymous]

Your wife and step daughter sound terribly entitled. How do you plan to handle college tuition? Does your wife expect equal treatment there as well? I hope that you have talked about this. At 17, your daughter has one foot out the door. Don’t make it uncomfortable for her to visit you next year. Blending families is tough, but your wife is making things tougher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

Kids are only entitled to room , board, tuition expense for 4 yrs in in state public college. That is all. They are not entitled to anything that their parents do not want to give them.

A trip is a reward. Neither the mother, nor the kids are deserving of a reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am the kind of person who would treat all kids in a house exactly the same regardless of whether I love them or not.

. . .

Your BIL does not get to say that he does not like your wife's kids. Thst part is going too far. I wouldn't blame her for not wanting him in her house.

Yes, your wife was being unreasonable. And her kids were wrong, but jealousy dies happen with children living in the same house.

There is a 12 year long relationship history at play here. Meeting a kid at birth and meeting a kid as a teen is likely to result in a different relationship. Also there is nothing like a sibling’s kid and for a lot of people that doesn’t attach to step kids. In fact, neither OP nor his wife has developed a parent relationship with each other’s kids yet the uncle is supposed to? Yeah, no.

As to having him at the house, that’s a tough one. OP’s wife should get a say in who e gets her safe place but OP and his brother seem close.

I agree that the relationship is doomed.

BTW, I do like that brother was honest. No need to be gratuitously cruel but OP’s wife asked for it. I also like that OP is standing up for his kid and the relationship with Brother and SIL. I am extremely close with a few of my brothers’ kids and the extra adults to support them as they transitioned into independent adults was really valuable for them. OP’s daughter is really lucky to have them.

[Anonymous]

I think this is fake.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you and your wife for real? If you are, please join therapy. Why would she demand freebies from anyone and then get upset with them.

However, if i was your brother, i wouldn't have engaged with her out of respect for you. That being said, let her know that it was her decision to approach him so you aren't going to be a party in it.

[Anonymous]

Most of the responses above are super catty and unhelpful.

Op:

1) your wife and her daughters are so far out of line it’s incredible. Your stance on her daughters not being entitled to expensive international trips x 3 from your brother is 100% correct. Your brother is not playing favorites, he is supporting his niece and what he’s doing is generous and totally fine and I’m stunned the other kids would ask and even more stunned your wife would not immediately set them straight.
2) your brother is 100% correct that your wife was insane to ask for this. However, his response even if totally honest and in the nose, was gratuitously harsh and not conducive to family harmony or respectful of your new spouse, family or situation. Your wife totally got what she deserved. But, your brother by disrespecting your wife also disrespected your family and that is not okay. You should say something to him to the effect of, I agree that her request is inappropriate but so was your reply.
3) it’s not too late to fix this with your wife. Talk to your brother first and then tell her. However, do not budge an inch on the issue of him taking her kids bc you are right and she is wrong and you have to get her to grow up in this and probably many other things.
4) I don’t think it’s okay that your daughter feels she can’t even be home when the stepsons are there. It’s her home too. The work of your family will be to try to not have parallel universes. Although given their ages that might not be possible anymore.

[Anonymous]

This is too good to be real! Love the story Op!

[Anonymous]

Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)

[Anonymous]

Your wife sounds like a nightmare. Your brother could have handled it a little more tactfully, but wife is 1000% in the wrong. Only married 6 months and she expects your BROTHER to foot the bill for an international trip for 3 kids he doesn't have a relationship with? That is completely bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.

WTF. Why would he have to exclude his daughter from a family vacation?

Also, the princess isn't the one having a tantrum. The tantrum throwing brats should know by late teens that they don't get to go on every trip with every acquaintance. If anything, they could hit up their won aunts and uncles for more generous gifts and trips. They don't even have a parent-daughter type relationship with OP, why would they expect a familial relationship with extended family?

OP, stand your ground, and don't expect it to get any better any time soon. Your wife interfered with your family behind your back after you asked her not to. I'm sure she's embarrassed and wants you to take up for her, but my goodness, she was way out of line. The way she latched onto this and let it simmer until it was boiling over instead of letting it go probably means she's going to hold onto this forever and try to make things even for her daughters at your daughter's expense in the future, when you don't see it coming. They're not 3 year olds getting shafted at christmas while your daughter gets a new pony. They're old enough to know they're not entitled to other people's money.

[Anonymous]

Why did you get married when your daughter is so close to college age and you could have avoided this mess altogether!

What exactly is your wife looking for here? And you? Are you hoping to save this marriage?

I personally think your wife is being ridiculous and she got what she deserved from your brother. His text was hilarious. But if you are hoping to stay married for whatever reason, treat her like an irrational toddler and apologize or do whatever groveling she is asking for even if you don’t believe she deserves it. Call your brother, promise to send him a nice bottle of scotch or whatever he is into, and ask him to send a text to your wife apologizing for insulting her kids. Not because he should or she is right, but because you would like to stay married and hopefully your brother will do you this small favor.

Or…get divorced. Seriously she sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is beyond unreasonable. Your brother is definitely a straight shooter, but I think his response was hysterical - though definitely rude. IMO, your wife was rude first so she should not be surprised.

You are right in standing your ground on this, because your wife was WAY out of line. How can she demand that your brother take her three kids, who he barely knows, on international trips, just because he generously does that for his niece he has known for 17 years? Crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

I love how this tantrum is all about getting social media followers. Your wife and her daughter have terrible priorities.

[Anonymous]

Lol team BIL here.

Your marriage is doomed unless your wife can gain some perspective.