In tears about my daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Your DD is not an investment. You spent money raising her and paying for college to allow her to be a happy, well adjusted young adult who can now do whatever she wants. How do you know she won’t be happy if she doesn’t make a huge salary? People DO live happy lives on less. My HHI is $300k, dial income, and I’m perfectly happy and love my job.

Signed,
Government major from a liberal arts college who wanted a career that would allow me to raise my kids and actually be there for them, not working on an office every day scheming to get promoted. I’m a VP and have no desire for more.

[Anonymous]

OP, I did not read all 13 pages of responses. My son is attending a top 20 and his initial wish was to be a film major. We told him he could take the extra courses and we would pay for them if he did a double major with something else employable. He decided to do Applied Math plus the Film major. He is a senior now and doing great, and with maturity he recognized he had to get a "real job" in consulting in order to make a living. He actually enjoys both majors.

That said, an English degree isn't total garbage, especially when coming from an Ivy. Why don't you just let her do what she wants and she might surprise you?

[Anonymous]

you're either a troll or a perfectly corrupted soul. Either way, I pity you and feel sorry for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did not read all 13 pages of responses. My son is attending a top 20 and his initial wish was to be a film major. We told him he could take the extra courses and we would pay for them if he did a double major with something else employable. He decided to do Applied Math plus the Film major. He is a senior now and doing great, and with maturity he recognized he had to get a "real job" in consulting in order to make a living. He actually enjoys both majors.

That said, an English degree isn't total garbage, especially when coming from an Ivy. Why don't you just let her do what she wants and she might surprise you?

This is the way to do it. Support any major, but encourage double major or a strong minor so they have something easily employable to fall back on. Highly recommend that for a lot of majors (music, theater, film, etc...that are traditionally hard to land a job in that pays enough to live).

[Anonymous]

guys this is a troll. But it's been fun

[Anonymous]

I majored in Engilsh at Yale 30 years ago and I'm pretty happy and have a good job. If my parents had tried to stop me, their lack of concern for my happiness really would have hurt our relationship. We get one life, and your daughter's life is hers, not yours. If you want to cut off funding, fine, sounds like she's ready for that. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you're either a troll or a perfectly corrupted soul. Either way, I pity you and feel sorry for your daughter.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I did not read all 13 pages of responses. My son is attending a top 20 and his initial wish was to be a film major. We told him he could take the extra courses and we would pay for them if he did a double major with something else employable. He decided to do Applied Math plus the Film major. He is a senior now and doing great, and with maturity he recognized he had to get a "real job" in consulting in order to make a living. He actually enjoys both majors.

That said, an English degree isn't total garbage, especially when coming from an Ivy. Why don't you just let her do what she wants and she might surprise you?

This is the way to do it. Support any major, but encourage double major or a strong minor so they have something easily employable to fall back on. Highly recommend that for a lot of majors (music, theater, film, etc...that are traditionally hard to land a job in that pays enough to live).

OP here. I wish Princeton allowed double majors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Your DD is not an investment. You spent money raising her and paying for college to allow her to be a happy, well adjusted young adult who can now do whatever she wants. How do you know she won’t be happy if she doesn’t make a huge salary? People DO live happy lives on less. My HHI is $300k, dial income, and I’m perfectly happy and love my job.

Signed,
Government major from a liberal arts college who wanted a career that would allow me to raise my kids and actually be there for them, not working on an office every day scheming to get promoted. I’m a VP and have no desire for more.

College is an investment. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

Okay OP,

If you aren’t focused on status, how would you feel if your daughter decided she wanted to be a high school English teacher?

I’d feel awful because literally every teacher I know discourages their own kids from becoming teachers. There’s a reason why there’s been a teacher exodus.

I’m the PP who asked you that question. Yes, there is an exodus because this job is HARD. I work 65 hour weeks and I know I work harder than most of my friends in other fields. I have a stack of IB essays on my lap as I type and I have been grading them for 6 hours now… on a Sunday. Guess what? I am beyond proud of what I do. My work has meaning. I’ve taught for 2 decades now and I have influenced over 2,500 young people. I get regular emails from adults, people who had me as a teacher many years ago, telling me the impact I had on their lives. That’s “status” to me. I get paid in the lives I have influenced.

Your daughter could do MUCH worse.

Your job will never love you back. You sound like a sucker with Stockholm Syndrime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You suck.

We absolutely do not suck. Most parents aren’t willing to drop $300k for a BA in ENGLISH of all subjects.

Tears? Really? I mean, I got a B.A. in English and I turned out fine. Went to law school (eventually) - her Ivy League degree will open doors to law schools as well as other graduate schools , f she decides to go to med school later she can just spend an extra year doing the post-bac classes. Do you really want her to burn out/get depressed/hate you in 10 years because she did what you wanted her to do and she hates it and blames you? Much better for her to follow her path, even if it doesn't immediately fit what you wanted for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I majored in Engilsh at Yale 30 years ago and I'm pretty happy and have a good job. If my parents had tried to stop me, their lack of concern for my happiness really would have hurt our relationship. We get one life, and your daughter's life is hers, not yours. If you want to cut off funding, fine, sounds like she's ready for that. Good luck.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Eh, I know a handful of English and Anthropology majors from Harvard, Yale, etc.

She will get a job with an English major. I know someone who quickly moved up at a major nonprofit doing editing then comms then educational advocacy.

I know someone (2 people, actually) who graduated from Harvard in the mid-90s with liberal arts degrees (one English). One worked at Borders, the other Barnes & Noble until they went back to grad school. One teaches now.

Here’s the thing:

It’s not your life.

Period.

Either help or don’t…but don’t expect your kid to be happy or even involved with you if you dump them.

PS - Remember: Felicity ultimately went to Med school despite her undergrad major in art.

[Anonymous]

People keep talking about STEM as a guaranteed job, but only if you can do well in it.

You can be very, very smart but college is a whole new ball game. People change majors all the time. I knew a guy who started off as a Chemistry major and ended up doing religious studies and going to seminary. I had a professor in Chemistry who said she started off as an English major.

STEM isn't going to work out if you can't pass Diff Eq.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guys this is a troll. But it's been fun

Several pages ago, the site moderator got onto this thread to confirm that this OP is not a troll, apparently, or at least isn't one of the people who comes to post on this forum repeatedly about similar issues. So, likely not a troll. If you think it's troll, why are you posting and wasting your time?

The sad thing is that many of us would love to think OP is a troll because we find it so appalling to think a real-life parent would be as self-centered and status-obsessed as OP seems to be.