In tears about my daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You drew a line in the sand saying you’d only pay for three majors. Your kid called you on your bluff.
Tell me again why you’re crying?

OP here. Where did I say I’d only pay for 3 majors? I can think of at least a dozen majors at Princeton that I’d encourage my daughter to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You drew a line in the sand saying you’d only pay for three majors. Your kid called you on your bluff.
Tell me again why you’re crying?

+1
It sounds like the OP has raised a strong, independent thinker. She’ll do well regardless of major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You drew a line in the sand saying you’d only pay for three majors. Your kid called you on your bluff.
Tell me again why you’re crying?

OP here. Where did I say I’d only pay for 3 majors? I can think of at least a dozen majors at Princeton that I’d encourage my daughter to do.

I just copied your first post:
My daughter is a freshman at an Ivy. We told her that we would only pay for three majors:

1. Econ/Stats/Applied Math with intentions of going into business (finance and consulting firms love her school)
2. CS with intentions of going into tech
3. Any major as long as she completes the 11 required courses to get into med school

[Anonymous]

I graduated from Harvard with a degree in social studies. I have worked on Wall Street for years.

Working there I have also hired a lot of undergrads for Wall Street. They’ll take a high gpa English major over a lower uninspired econ/finance major any day.

Relax and keep your relationship w your daughter intact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

You cited DCUM as your example? Seriously?

- An English major who knows the difference between reliable and unreliable sources (and gets paid well to help others navigate online nonsense)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

Okay OP,

If you aren’t focused on status, how would you feel if your daughter decided she wanted to be a high school English teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

Okay OP,

If you aren’t focused on status, how would you feel if your daughter decided she wanted to be a high school English teacher?

I’d feel awful because literally every teacher I know discourages their own kids from becoming teachers. There’s a reason why there’s been a teacher exodus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

You do sound status conscious. Just beware that major disagreements like these can sometimes hurt your relationship with your daughter. It's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You drew a line in the sand saying you’d only pay for three majors. Your kid called you on your bluff.
Tell me again why you’re crying?

OP here. Where did I say I’d only pay for 3 majors? I can think of at least a dozen majors at Princeton that I’d encourage my daughter to do.

I just copied your first post:
My daughter is a freshman at an Ivy. We told her that we would only pay for three majors:

1. Econ/Stats/Applied Math with intentions of going into business (finance and consulting firms love her school)
2. CS with intentions of going into tech
3. Any major as long as she completes the 11 required courses to get into med school

Again, she’s called your bluff. You have two choices:
Stop paying her tuition
Or
Pay her tuition

This isn’t that hard and doesn’t require tears. Either your word stands or you’ve re-evaluated your earlier position. Pick one and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Telling your daughter that she can go to a specific college but only pay for 3 majors is not a good way to raise an independent, thoughtful person nor is it a way to develop a strong relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, can I ask why you "NEED" her to stay at an Ivy? Is it for her or for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I was an English major. I’m doing very well. That fact you’re so willing to judge a major (and, by extension, your daughter) as “useless” is unfortunate.

I’m not offended by your disparaging remarks about my degree. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what others think of me. Fortunately, your daughter also seems to have a strong sense of direction and self-worth.

Way to go, kid.

It's not judging. There's data and its probability. There's huge amount of momey and time at stake.

Eh. Perhaps if you are 100% status focused, that matters.

I want my children to do more than make money. I want them happy and contributing to society. I know plenty of other English majors. They are happy and contributing. Some are teachers, some work for nonprofits, etc.

Chasing status will always leave you unfulfilled. That’s the read I have on OP.

Sure fine instate schools are great for that.
You sound like status focused so that it should an Ivy?

OP here. I am NOT status focused at all. But the probability that my daughter will regret her choices as an English major are pretty high. Here’s an example:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1043100.page

Okay OP,

If you aren’t focused on status, how would you feel if your daughter decided she wanted to be a high school English teacher?

I’d feel awful because literally every teacher I know discourages their own kids from becoming teachers. There’s a reason why there’s been a teacher exodus.

I’m the PP who asked you that question. Yes, there is an exodus because this job is HARD. I work 65 hour weeks and I know I work harder than most of my friends in other fields. I have a stack of IB essays on my lap as I type and I have been grading them for 6 hours now… on a Sunday. Guess what? I am beyond proud of what I do. My work has meaning. I’ve taught for 2 decades now and I have influenced over 2,500 young people. I get regular emails from adults, people who had me as a teacher many years ago, telling me the impact I had on their lives. That’s “status” to me. I get paid in the lives I have influenced.

Your daughter could do MUCH worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling your daughter that she can go to a specific college but only pay for 3 majors is not a good way to raise an independent, thoughtful person nor is it a way to develop a strong relationship with her.

I believe the OP has already raised an independent, thoughtful person. The risk now is that the OP will destroy the relationship she has with her.

[Anonymous]

Even is your DD is making a mistake (though it’s not the worst) you can’t prevent her from it. Or maybe you can but the risk to your relationship is huge huge huge
Time to stop thinking about “probabilities” or your well calculated paths to success and face the real life.