6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puberty or not what's to gain from kids acting older? There are no real benefits. Parents like me are just trying to let our kids be kids for as long as they can. Nothing wrong with that.

How about you let your kids decide what makes them happy and stop managing their every.single.move

How is this managing their every single move? I don't wabt my kid to grow up before they have to, I don't want my 11 year old child to act 16 or 17, that's a bad thing,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puberty or not what's to gain from kids acting older? There are no real benefits. Parents like me are just trying to let our kids be kids for as long as they can. Nothing wrong with that.

How about you let your kids decide what makes them happy and stop managing their every.single.move

Not wanting kids to grow up too fast or avt like older teens is not managing their every move. I don't find it acceptable for 11 year olds to act like they're 16.

[Anonymous]

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

It really is ok for girls to develop sooner than other girls, both physically and in terms of their interest in the opposite sex. That is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is having a late bloomer something to be proud of.

Not sure exactly what PP meant but some girls in 6th are wearing very mature outfits, watching TikTok, speaking like a much older teen, etc.

It’s the social precociousness, not physical.

+1 🤮

Anyone who posts a vomit emoji for 6th graders that watch tik toks or wear crop tops have serious (and I mean SERIOUS) self esteem and mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an answer to her question though.


Answer. One girl sure, maybe even two. But not her entire friend group. There’s something else going on here.

Right, but it may not be fixable. I remember distinctly in 6th grade that my group of friends and I were furious at another girl in the group because we felt she was boy-crazy and obsessed with boys and did not care about our softball team (which all of us were on) as much as she used to. At the time it seemed like the worst possible offense - but in reality, we were just at different places in life. There's nothing wrong with having less interest in softball and more in boys, but it is really, really hard for immature kids to see something like that in a reasonable light.

This happened to me at this age, except I was the late bloomer who was left behind when, seemingly overnight, all my friends became boy-crazy and we just couldn't relate to each other anymore. I don't think there's anything my mom could have said to the other moms to fix this.
It sucked, but I was able to connect with other kids through extracurricular activities (dance, art) so agree with all the advice to encourage DD to meet people outside of school.

This, and I had the exact same experience. 6th grade is really weird, in that half of the girls are like 11-going-on-16, while the other half are still little girls. The more mature girls are going to find the late bloomers immature and annoying, even if they previously were friends. OP, if you think this is what's happening, there's not much you can do other than encouraging other friendships. You can't make your DD more mature, and if the other girls are forced to include your DD, they will likely escalate from largely ignoring your DD to being quite mean.

The 11-going-on-16 girls are really disturbing, and their parents who think it’s totally great!

I'm sorry that you find my daughter disturbing. I'm not sure what you'd like me to do about the fact that she is in the middle of puberty (she started on the early end of normal). She likes girls, not boys, but thinks the idea of kissing is gross. Other than that, she is much "older" than her age and isn't interested in hanging out with kids who are still playing with dolls or are playing pretend.

Honestly, she's what 11? I'd make her do at least some of that she's still a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss that just because she's trying to grow up too fast. It's not all puberty either. I hit puberty early too, now way was I about to give up being a kid that young.

Everyone is really discussing extremes, like girls playing with dolls or dressing in tiny clothes and dancing on Tik Tok. That is not what many of us mean by mature. I have one of the 6th graders going on 16. She hit puberty early and just turned 12, Oct birthday. She’s had her period for a year and is developed. She looks much older than some friends, no matter what clothes she wears. She’s heavily into sports and sometimes she talks to certain friends about if they have tried tampons or if they are thinking of it and how they manage periods during tournaments. She is more into her looks, as in she actually cares about showering and brushing her hair. She didn’t as much a couple of years ago. But she still loved to go to the playground and swing. She’s not going to sit on the floor and play with dolls but she would love to go for a bike ride or swing on swings. Some friends can’t even imagine talking about tampons yet. That’s okay, they are just at different stages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

She’s referring to the Lululemon tennis skirts, which are popular at DD’s school. They aren’t that short but they are expensive. I have more of an issue with that. Those are the only skirts I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

DP. This all sounds nice, but in my experience, it makes everything so much worse when parents keep insisting they hang out. So much avoidable awkwardness for the dumpee (who was my kid, btw). This stuff is all in flux for years. Kids who were childhood friends might stop talking to each other in 6th grade, and then in 9th grade, they might become friends again (or not). But it has to happen organically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

All correct, but none of it changes the fact that, as your child gets older, you cannot micromanage their lives the way you once did, including requiring them to stay friends with old friends - which was the issue in the original post here.

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons. So kids who may have different interests can't be friends? If they were ever real friends they can be.

DP. This all sounds nice, but in my experience, it makes everything so much worse when parents keep insisting they hang out. So much avoidable awkwardness for the dumpee (who was my kid, btw). This stuff is all in flux for years. Kids who were childhood friends might stop talking to each other in 6th grade, and then in 9th grade, they might become friends again (or not). But it has to happen organically.

I'm just saying that I wouldn't be ok with my kid just dumping their friends for no reason. If they organically just drifted apart, ok that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puberty or not what's to gain from kids acting older? There are no real benefits. Parents like me are just trying to let our kids be kids for as long as they can. Nothing wrong with that.

How about you let your kids decide what makes them happy and stop managing their every.single.move

Not wanting kids to grow up too fast or avt like older teens is not managing their every move. I don't find it acceptable for 11 year olds to act like they're 16.

There is a middle ground, OP.

Find it.

Let your child grow by meeting new friends. This will teach her how people/friends are supposed to actually treat each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puberty or not what's to gain from kids acting older? There are no real benefits. Parents like me are just trying to let our kids be kids for as long as they can. Nothing wrong with that.

How about you let your kids decide what makes them happy and stop managing their every.single.move

Not wanting kids to grow up too fast or avt like older teens is not managing their every move. I don't find it acceptable for 11 year olds to act like they're 16.

There is a middle ground, OP.

Find it.

Let your child grow by meeting new friends. This will teach her how people/friends are supposed to actually treat each other.

The OP didn't write this comment, I did. All I'm saying is that kids shouldn't grow up before they have too. I'd like my kids to stay kids as long as possible. I never said that they can never from up or have different interests. Just don't act like a 16 year when your still a child. I'd like to think that they would thank me some day.

[Anonymous]

Again, how is it micro managing? If a friendship truly falls through then ok, but I'm not going to let my kid just dump friends for stupid reasons.

You're not going to "let" your child choose not to be friends with someone? How exactly are you going to do that? Force invitations? Ask the school to compel them to sit together at lunch?