BIL offered our vacation home to his brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t take 5 minutes to scroll through email on weekends? I am very “good” — I have 30k unopened emails in my inbox — but I check it daily unless I don’t have Internet or cell access. Weird. Calling troll here.

People with good work/life boundaries.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have them help install the cameras over Labor Day.

This. I'd have BIL help DH install the cameras but don't give BIL any codes.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Let us know how things go LDW.

Going forward I would make your guest house off limits to SIL and BIL unless you are on site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:have them help install the cameras over Labor Day.

This. I'd have BIL help DH install the cameras but don't give BIL any codes.

What good would this do. Then BIL would know how to disable them. Doubt he would go that far since he got CAUGHT.

[Anonymous]

install cameras before they come. don't have them participate and further adopt the sense that the house is somehow a "family" vacation home. Plus you risk BIL being sketchy and downloading the app, getting access to your account. The guy cannot be trusted. No, cameras already installed so that they can see them is all that's needed. And don't say a word about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP: I know this sounds wimpy but one thing I really dislike about this whole situation is that before now we felt ‘effortlessly generous’ in offering SIL use of the house. Because it’s so close we use it a lot all year but when we definitely know when we won’t be out we’ve let them know it’s open to them (like we had other plans for the end of June of through the 4th of July and had told them back in the spring to use if they liked. They know we were there the next weekend (7/8) so it wasn’t open-ended. And they’ve been seemingly great and leave nice things in pantry, wines, etc. My DH says he (BIL) obviously knew it was a bit sketchy so only offered porch and pool house, not house. It’s just so ballsy I guess that he just decided HE had right to offer.

Did BIL's brother visit during this period when you were gone in June/July?

What makes the most sense to me is that BIL had bragged about the house so much that BIL's brother thought use of it might extend to him too? But when he asked BIL, obviously on some level BIL realized he'd screwed up because he A) didn't ask you and B) "only" "let them" stay on the porch.

I agree that the wife must have been MORTIFIED . . . such a nightmare to be pretty sure your husband doesn't really have an invitation somewhere and then have that turn out to be a million percent true.

OP, you've got to update us after Labor Day Weekend! FWIW I don't think it's a big deal to vacation WITH them but I don't think I'd be inviting them to stay on their own any time soon.

[Anonymous]

PP ^. The reason I feel like it must have been BIL's brother who had some reason for wanting to go that weekend (event to attend? had promised his family a vacation?) is that it seems super random for BIL to just be like, "Hey, I know! Why don't you come stay at my BIL's house except, you know, not IN the house . . ." How would that even come up?

[Anonymous]

OP, please update after the conversation with your DH and his sister. And LDW. I couldn’t go through with that holiday weekend if it were me because I’d still be really angry and need cooling off time. If anything, they come for the day for the cousins to have time together.

Definitely need cameras, and no more solo visits for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, this is such a storm in a teacup! Don't create unnecessary drama and stop giving your house keys to relatives.

For me personally, they gave the access to the BIL's brother and while it is not kosher but I would not be wasting more brainspace than necessary. At least, they were not renting the space out.

It gives OP an opportunity to change codes etc, and disallow people from using the property again. But, all the anger about not letting the families come together for vacation etc is so trashy.

W.T.F?

+1 on that sentiment. Also, when did “tempest in a teacup” turn into “storm in a teacup”?

Since people became culturally illiterate.

[Anonymous]

Wow this is an enormous breach of trust. I don't think I could ever trust either of them again. I think it would be totally reasonable to cancel Labor Day at this point, and to say that you are really hurt and disappointed, , and that you need to take some time to process it, so you think it would be best to cancel Labor Day this year. Pretending you are ok with it and sucking up your discomfort is not fair to you or your husband.

[Anonymous]

The assumptions a lot of you are posting are crazy. It's as if some of you want to create some fan fiction just to keep this going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The assumptions a lot of you are posting are crazy. It's as if some of you want to create some fan fiction just to keep this going.

So?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t take 5 minutes to scroll through email on weekends? I am very “good” — I have 30k unopened emails in my inbox — but I check it daily unless I don’t have Internet or cell access. Weird. Calling troll here.

People with good work/life boundaries.

+1.

It’s…not a work email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. We’re they planning on sleeping in the house? Or just using your back yard? Either way it’s weird and rude. I actually feel bad for them, I would have been horrified if I realized you didn’t know/hadn’t OK’ed it.

The other family should have checked with the actual owners of the property before coming. That's an insane violation of property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is amazingly outrageous. I am fascinated by the part where these randos waited for you to tell them it was fine for them to stay. I want to know more about your SIL and her extended family. I’m guessing this is not the first major boundary violation you’ve encountered.

They probably assumed the OP knew they had been invited, so they didn't really do anything wrong here. They were probably just hoping that they wouldn't catch the fallout of someone else's mistake.

This was a HUGE mistake on their part. Seriously, who does this?