BIL offered our vacation home to his brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is amazingly outrageous. I am fascinated by the part where these randos waited for you to tell them it was fine for them to stay. I want to know more about your SIL and her extended family. I’m guessing this is not the first major boundary violation you’ve encountered.

They probably assumed the OP knew they had been invited, so they didn't really do anything wrong here. They were probably just hoping that they wouldn't catch the fallout of someone else's mistake.

I can’t imagine staying at someone’s home without an invitation from the homeowners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL was pretty nonchalant, basically an oopsie ’we didn’t know you were going to go this weekend…’ And not that it really matters but despite pool, pool house this isn’t a fancy big house where there’s so much room we wouldn’t even notice extra guests.

What if some kid drowned at your pool? That would really make me nervous. Can you dh tell your SIL so she gets the boundaries she pushed and that she threatened your relationship going forward?

[Anonymous]

I kinda feel bad for that family because they thought it was ok!

Op, your family needs to rethink the sharing situation and you need to install cameras.

[Anonymous]

Team DH here. I'd cancel the weekend.

You have to wonder how many times DH brother and his wife were there unbeknownst to you.

In a way it is theft from you. You pay the taxes, you pay the mortgage, and you pay the upkeep. These randos were stealing "time" from your house.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you have liability due to the pool. No way would I want someone on the premises of a pool home without my authorization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were they planning to spend the night? Or just having a weird uninvited bbq/pool day? Either way, change the codes and don’t ever give them out again.

It was obvious that they’d spent at least Friday night here, sleeping on screened porch. There’s a basic bathroom in pool house (outdoor shower.) Luckily we both had to work late Friday because our normal weekend plans get us in around 10:00 on Fridays. Because there were bags of food and a big ice chest I’m guessing they intended to be here at least through weekend.
Urghhh. Just trying to let this go for now! Really wanted to just totally chill!

[Anonymous]

Don’t give out your codes ever again. Or if you do, change after the visit. We have a beach house and don’t give out the key to anyone but the housekeeper. I cannot imagine anyone doing that. I’d also get a ring doorbell and cameras. I’d be so mad. I’ve had people ask but never just offer.

[Anonymous]

I'm 13:40 and 13:42 poster.

To SIL:

"Our homeowners insurance does not allow company at the house without our authorization due to the liability of the pool"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH here. I'd cancel the weekend.

You have to wonder how many times DH brother and his wife were there unbeknownst to you.

In a way it is theft from you. You pay the taxes, you pay the mortgage, and you pay the upkeep. These randos were stealing "time" from your house.

+1 Having them come for the weekend sends the message that this was okay. It wasn’t. There’s a consequence: when you invite others to a house that is not yours, people don’t want to hang out with you in their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were they planning to spend the night? Or just having a weird uninvited bbq/pool day? Either way, change the codes and don’t ever give them out again.

It was obvious that they’d spent at least Friday night here, sleeping on screened porch. There’s a basic bathroom in pool house (outdoor shower.) Luckily we both had to work late Friday because our normal weekend plans get us in around 10:00 on Fridays. Because there were bags of food and a big ice chest I’m guessing they intended to be here at least through weekend.
Urghhh. Just trying to let this go for now! Really wanted to just totally chill!

Nervy....just nervy. Amazing that SIL and her husband did not think anything wrong with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:40 and 13:42 poster.

To SIL:

"Our homeowners insurance does not allow company at the house without our authorization due to the liability of the pool"

And I’d add two things:
It needs to be sent to both BIL and SIL

Add this “Offering our home to others without our permission was a serious breach of trust, and we’re pretty upset. At this time, we need some space and are rescinding our offer for Labor Day weekend.

[Anonymous]

Definitely cancel the weekend.

The nonchalant response shows they have no respect for boundaries!
They need some sort of consequence to help them not violate basic boundaries.
Yes to ring doorbells and cameras, seems like they have done this before without getting caught.

This year invite a different family. You can start a new tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn. That is some crazy nonsense. Did your husband’s sister know? I’m kinda with your husband right now: no visit over Labor Day. The BIL needs to acknowledge what a serious violation of trust this was. Until that happens, they need a break. Your kids will be fine.

This start a new tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were they planning to spend the night? Or just having a weird uninvited bbq/pool day? Either way, change the codes and don’t ever give them out again.

It was obvious that they’d spent at least Friday night here, sleeping on screened porch. There’s a basic bathroom in pool house (outdoor shower.) Luckily we both had to work late Friday because our normal weekend plans get us in around 10:00 on Fridays. Because there were bags of food and a big ice chest I’m guessing they intended to be here at least through weekend.
Urghhh. Just trying to let this go for now! Really wanted to just totally chill!

Wow this is really really trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda feel bad for that family because they thought it was ok!

Op, your family needs to rethink the sharing situation and you need to install cameras.

No, they didn’t. They knew the family didn’t know they were there.