BIL offered our vacation home to his brother

[Anonymous]

We have second home on MDs Eastern Shore which we have let my DHs sister’s family use when we know we won’t be there. We arrived yesterday and discovered her DH’s brother and his wife and 2 kids (unknown to us beyond meeting at their wedding 8 years ago/no relation to us) using our pool, pool house, outdoor kitchen, screened porch. It was obvious from their supplies they were set up to spend weekend plus there! We found out the BIL had told them he was sure we wouldn’t mind, told them key code, etc. Although they did pack up & leave it was super awkward with pauses where they obviously were waiting for us to tell them to stay. My DH called his sister and her excuse for her DH was that he assumed we wouldn’t mind, assumed (for zero reason) we wouldn’t be using and anyway - hey he didn’t give them key code to house so obviously respectful of our privacy! WTF?!? We obviously changed key codes but DH so pissed he wants to disinvite his sister/BIL from our usual Labor Day shared weekend - which I understand but it punishes our kids as they love this tradition with their cousins.
This is mostly a vent but I’m just shocked they thought nbd…and trying not to wonder who else they’ve had stay there.

[Anonymous]

Wow! That is super rude and I would be so mad. And I am usually one to roll my eyes at the stuff people complain about here.

[Anonymous]

Time to install a smart doorbell so you can see who is coming and going. And it wouldn't hurt to have cameras installed since you are not regularly at the property.

[Anonymous]

Damn. That is some crazy nonsense. Did your husband’s sister know? I’m kinda with your husband right now: no visit over Labor Day. The BIL needs to acknowledge what a serious violation of trust this was. Until that happens, they need a break. Your kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. We’re they planning on sleeping in the house? Or just using your back yard? Either way it’s weird and rude. I actually feel bad for them, I would have been horrified if I realized you didn’t know/hadn’t OK’ed it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should just invite the cousins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have second home on MDs Eastern Shore which we have let my DHs sister’s family use when we know we won’t be there. We arrived yesterday and discovered her DH’s brother and his wife and 2 kids (unknown to us beyond meeting at their wedding 8 years ago/no relation to us) using our pool, pool house, outdoor kitchen, screened porch. It was obvious from their supplies they were set up to spend weekend plus there! We found out the BIL had told them he was sure we wouldn’t mind, told them key code, etc. Although they did pack up & leave it was super awkward with pauses where they obviously were waiting for us to tell them to stay. My DH called his sister and her excuse for her DH was that he assumed we wouldn’t mind, assumed (for zero reason) we wouldn’t be using and anyway - hey he didn’t give them key code to house so obviously respectful of our privacy! WTF?!? We obviously changed key codes but DH so pissed he wants to disinvite his sister/BIL from our usual Labor Day shared weekend - which I understand but it punishes our kids as they love this tradition with their cousins.
This is mostly a vent but I’m just shocked they thought nbd…and trying not to wonder who else they’ve had stay there.

Do not cancel the Labor day weekend. Have your dh tell his sister that he is upset/angry that she didn't ask him/you for permission. Then he has to make clear that she is to never do this again. Then you don't give them the new password. Just so you know your SIL was so wrong but going forth make sure everyone knows the "new" rules. Just curious did she apologize?

[Anonymous]

Incredible and outrageous.

I can’t imagine NOT checking in with you before just taking the whole family to stay there.

Is anything missing?

[Anonymous]

I’d now wonder how many other times they did this and you just never found out. There’s no way I could be over this by Labor Day. Ask another family with kids to join you for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Don’t cancel the weekend. But do change the codes after the weekend is over.

This is assuming you like them and want to have a relationship with them. If you don’t, then feel free to cancel.

Sounds like they were just using the pool but it’s still not cool of them to do that.

I would have said they were welcome to stay and swim for an hour but after that they needed to pack up and leave because you have other plans etc.

[Anonymous]

SIL was pretty nonchalant, basically an oopsie ’we didn’t know you were going to go this weekend…’ And not that it really matters but despite pool, pool house this isn’t a fancy big house where there’s so much room we wouldn’t even notice extra guests.

[Anonymous]

This is amazingly outrageous. I am fascinated by the part where these randos waited for you to tell them it was fine for them to stay. I want to know more about your SIL and her extended family. I’m guessing this is not the first major boundary violation you’ve encountered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is amazingly outrageous. I am fascinated by the part where these randos waited for you to tell them it was fine for them to stay. I want to know more about your SIL and her extended family. I’m guessing this is not the first major boundary violation you’ve encountered.

They probably assumed the OP knew they had been invited, so they didn't really do anything wrong here. They were probably just hoping that they wouldn't catch the fallout of someone else's mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL was pretty nonchalant, basically an oopsie ’we didn’t know you were going to go this weekend…’ And not that it really matters but despite pool, pool house this isn’t a fancy big house where there’s so much room we wouldn’t even notice extra guests.

Doesn’t matter one bit how big/small the house is. These people were NOT guests. As the owners, you decide whom to invite. Based on how your BIL & SIL have responded, I would not feel assured that they wouldn’t do something like this again.

[Anonymous]

Were they planning to spend the night? Or just having a weird uninvited bbq/pool day? Either way, change the codes and don’t ever give them out again.