Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is it? You want to be treated as an equal or not? Don’t send mixed messages with double standards when it comes to give and take.

But we aren't treated as equal. So let's stop the pretend. Everything we do costs us more. Paid less for work? Paying more for other services? Haircuts? Dry cleaning? etc etc. If you ask me than go somewhere you can afford.

Live simply, work hard and vote right. Getting random strangers to pay for your food isn’t going to help your cause of equal rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is it? You want to be treated as an equal or not? Don’t send mixed messages with double standards when it comes to give and take.

But we aren't treated as equal. So let's stop the pretend. Everything we do costs us more. Paid less for work? Paying more for other services? Haircuts? Dry cleaning? etc etc. If you ask me than go somewhere you can afford.

Live simply, work hard and vote right. Getting random strangers to pay for your food isn’t going to help your cause of equal rights.

Neither will paying for meals with “random strangers” though, will it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, double standards here are fascinating.

Not even. It's boring at this point. They should just wear a "taker" label on their forehead and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, double standards here are fascinating.

Not even. It's boring at this point. They should just wear a "taker" label on their forehead and keep it moving.

…and this is the “pro-woman” view?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once upon a time, a guy would ask out a girl in real life after meeting in real life. If the guy was interested and wanted to take the girl out on a date, it should not be a big deal for the guy to pay.

On these online apps, guy may meet girl and not like her and then complain that he does not want to pay for her. If he actually liked her, wanted to get laid in the future, he would not mind paying.

Why is that okay in the C21

I am obviously from a different generation. I would only want to date someone who wants to take me out on a date.

Then again, I’m in my 40s and am a sahm. I am ivy educated and have two masters. I was a pretty good catch back in the day. I also made 200k out of grad school so I was perfectly capable of paying for my own meals. I met Dh in grad school and I think he paid for me every meal for a year. He always made me feel loved. Now he earns a seven figure income and is as generous as always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I don't enjoy eating out, and I'm an excellent cook.

2. I always pay, and if it's ongoing I pay for the first three dates.

3. But I've found myself being taken advantage of far too often, so lately, despite dozens of matches on OLD, I'm not asking anyone out. I've gone from 3-4 dinners a month to 3-4 dinners a year.

4. Because some women were greedy, other women aren't meeting me, or getting a meal.

5. My favorite date during the past year was someone who just wanted to meet to hike, and we'd cook each other dinner at our houses. Never bought a meal out.

Hikes and cooking for each other are nice in an established relationship, but as a woman, a first date needs to be in a public place. It can be cheap, or free, but I’m not going to your house or inviting you to mine until we’ve been on a few dates.

The first date was in a public place: the C&O towpath on a weekend when there were approximately 1,000 other people around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting to date after an LT marriage ended. In my mid 40's and haven't dated in almost 20 years.

I've gone out a few times with different people. I asked them out. Both times, when the check came, the date didn't even offer to split it. The one where we just had a few drinks over a happy hour doesn't hurt. It was less than $50. However, the second one went on to order a full-blown meal where the expectation was to just meet for a few drinks to see if we actually like each other in person. Just her part was $60 including appetizer, dinner, and dessert. When the check came, she had to use the restroom. I disconnected from both of them. Even if they offered to pay for their own order, would have made me feel better but it seemed like it was expected that I would pay. Also, these aren't some 20-30 year old people I'm talking about. Both ladies were my age +/- a few years.

Should I tell people up front that we will split the check? I don't want to be a dick but this is going to start to add up.

Question for women - is it expected for the man to pay for the first date?

Question for men - Do you just tell the server at the end for separate checks? Again, I don't want to be an ass about it but especially if the date is not going well, why should I end up paying for both.

I'm a 42 yo woman who is dating a lot and gets asked out by guys a lot. I'll be honest, I am only attracted to guy who pick up the check. I'm old-fashioned. It's not about the money at all. In my experience, the guys who insist on splitting end up being not very generous in other areas.

Yes. It's not that I can't pay or won't pay sometimes if we start dating regularly -- I also don't expect an expensive date for a meet up, that seems a bit much -- but IME the men who insist on splitting the check tend to be cheap and skinflinty all the way 'round.

[Anonymous]

I am 40 and I expect the man to pay for the first date. However I am also not the type to go crazy ordering a bunch of expensive stuff on a first date either. I try to be considerate, you know?

But all of the men I’ve gone out with pay with no hesitation so maybe its just a certain caliber of man I am attracted to.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

[Anonymous]

It is clearly a double-standard here, but as a woman I would be very turned off if a guy did not offer to pay for the first 2 dates.

Sure I would offer to pay my portion or at least the tip - but I would be turned off if he accepted my offer.

If dating is wrecking your pocketbook > I think it would be best to meet for coffee first or even lunch.

Good luck!👍🏽

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

I would just write this one off as a valuable lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

I do not pay for a penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and for first date I like to go dutch so that I get an idea that she is interested in meeting me as well.

Exactly! Otherwise, she may just be in it for the meal.

Seriously? Even at my very poorest, I never thought of dating just for a free meal!! That’s crazy. It would take my appetite away to sit across from a stranger I didn’t remotely like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Keep in mind that you are paid more than women just on the basis of your gender,

I’m not being paid more than some of the women I’ve met around here. This ain’t the 1950s. You have jobs, you make some decent cash. Stop being a moocher.

Dude.if that’s your attitude about a date, do us both a favor and don’t ask me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, double standards here are fascinating.

Not even. It's boring at this point. They should just wear a "taker" label on their forehead and keep it moving.

…and this is the “pro-woman” view?

No, it just means you’re incompatible. It’s not going to work out. “Move on” view.