Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's silly that men are expected to pay for the dates. Moreover, the "whoever asks pays" doesn't change much because men are usually the ones asking. I get that women face disadvantages in the labor market, but it's unrealistic to try to undo societal unjustice during dates. I'm a black man, if I hang out with my white friend should they always pay because of discrimination, reparations, etc.? That would be weird for me to bring up slavery or police maltreatment of black males to justify their paying for me. If I went on a date with a white woman, who should pay by this logic? Women wear makeup, etc. but don't they do that for themselves? I'm not a fan of makeup anyway.

That said, I always prepare to pay for the entire date and don't pay that much attention to if she offers to pay, at least not on the first few dates. This is not the hill I'm going to die on.

If you want to lessen the sting of always picking up first date tabs here's some tips:
Choose restaurants/activities that you would like to try. Even if the date is a bust, you'll have done something you wanted to do anyway.
Meet for brunch/lunch. These meals are usually cheaper and more laid back. If the date is going bad there's a built in excuse to end it quickly(have to go back to work, run errands) and if it is going good you can segue to other activities without making her feel like you just want to get laid, as will more likely be the feeling late at night.
Go ethnic. Ethnic restaurants are often cheaper, and if it is a cuisine she has not tried much will offer something to talk about/remember.

Who pays for the date has no correlation with the labor market; it is the sexual market, which rewards differently. The reason men have paid for women since cavemen is because women are more sexually valuable, not because they make more money. The vast number of women have more dating options than men, and in market terms that means men compete for them. The $30 for her dinner is a very small window into this economy.

Dating as practiced today is only about 125 years old. "Cavemen" didn't go on dates, where would they go? For most of human history, we were hunter gatherers. What would have been used for payment? Most of what was needed was readily available from the land it was the proverbial "Garden of Eden." Most people lived in groups and hoarding of resources was frowned upon. It's not like one guy could hunt a mastadon by himself, and even if he could, where would he store all that meat? So it seems unlikely men were "paying" for dates/sex/wives in caveman days.

As far as women having more dating options than men, the sex ratios are roughly equal, so that is a mathematical impossibility. It may seem this way because women are generally pickier, but if each woman picks one guy, there won't be many men left over. Indeed, depending on the demographic group (middle aged, etc.) there won't be enough men to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

And I should add if I am driven away from the table via a flippant remark, it is almost always with double birds flying, if you take my meaning.

[Anonymous]

In this day and age men want and need women more than women want and need men. Period. Gone are the days when we needed to rely on men to put roofs over our heads.

[Anonymous]

In this day and age men want and need women more than women want and need men. Period. Gone are the days when we needed to rely on men to put roofs over our heads.

And the trolls come out at happy hour. Please, prove that men need women more than women need men. What about gay men? How do they need women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 45 (female) and always offer to split the check. If the man refuses, I ask if I can at least cover the tip. If I ask him out, I am prepared to pay for the whole thing.

This is what I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's silly that men are expected to pay for the dates. Moreover, the "whoever asks pays" doesn't change much because men are usually the ones asking. I get that women face disadvantages in the labor market, but it's unrealistic to try to undo societal unjustice during dates. I'm a black man, if I hang out with my white friend should they always pay because of discrimination, reparations, etc.? That would be weird for me to bring up slavery or police maltreatment of black males to justify their paying for me. If I went on a date with a white woman, who should pay by this logic? Women wear makeup, etc. but don't they do that for themselves? I'm not a fan of makeup anyway.

That said, I always prepare to pay for the entire date and don't pay that much attention to if she offers to pay, at least not on the first few dates. This is not the hill I'm going to die on.

If you want to lessen the sting of always picking up first date tabs here's some tips:
Choose restaurants/activities that you would like to try. Even if the date is a bust, you'll have done something you wanted to do anyway.
Meet for brunch/lunch. These meals are usually cheaper and more laid back. If the date is going bad there's a built in excuse to end it quickly(have to go back to work, run errands) and if it is going good you can segue to other activities without making her feel like you just want to get laid, as will more likely be the feeling late at night.
Go ethnic. Ethnic restaurants are often cheaper, and if it is a cuisine she has not tried much will offer something to talk about/remember.

Who pays for the date has no correlation with the labor market; it is the sexual market, which rewards differently. The reason men have paid for women since cavemen is because women are more sexually valuable, not because they make more money. The vast number of women have more dating options than men, and in market terms that means men compete for them. The $30 for her dinner is a very small window into this economy.

Dating as practiced today is only about 125 years old. "Cavemen" didn't go on dates, where would they go? For most of human history, we were hunter gatherers. What would have been used for payment? Most of what was needed was readily available from the land it was the proverbial "Garden of Eden." Most people lived in groups and hoarding of resources was frowned upon. It's not like one guy could hunt a mastadon by himself, and even if he could, where would he store all that meat? So it seems unlikely men were "paying" for dates/sex/wives in caveman days.

As far as women having more dating options than men, the sex ratios are roughly equal, so that is a mathematical impossibility. It may seem this way because women are generally pickier, but if each woman picks one guy, there won't be many men left over. Indeed, depending on the demographic group (middle aged, etc.) there won't be enough men to go around.

No, I mean “paying for women” in the literal-est, men have been providing resources for women and their progeny since they could rub two sticks to make a fire.

And the equal numbers means that competition for women is heightened; whereas throughout most of history, warfare and illness took out most men, and the winners collected wives, nowadays the majority of women have more available mating options than their male counterparts. A man pays for his girlfriend’s burger and fries today not because he makes more money but because there are 25 other men who would otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care how fancy the date is but I expect the man to pay for it if he asked for it. I’ve gone on first dates that were coffee; a glass of wine; a nice lunch; nice dinner; and even a full day trip with tickets, dinner and a gift; it doesn’t matter how fancy it’s about the conversation and any spark, but he should have the class and substance to pay. If I ask him out I’ll pay.

[Anonymous]

Right or wrong, modern or retro, being paid for makes me feel valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right or wrong, modern or retro, being paid for makes me feel valued.

It just cheapens the experience and feels like taking advantage of other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

Well, they are probably going out with some angry thin skinned girls who can’t afford their meals. Perfect pairing.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right or wrong, modern or retro, being paid for makes me feel valued.

It just cheapens the experience and feels like taking advantage of other person.

Women take advantage of this all the time. There are tons of women who thinks that men should pay for their meals, other going out, trips, lingerie, gifts etc. Well, that's the kind of respect they get then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I always offer but wouldn't keep dating someone who agreed to split. Keep in mind that you are paid more than women just on the basis of your gender, you don't have to pay for birth control or period supplies, you didn't pay for make up to go on the date. Don't be cheap and just pay for dinner.

Men have to work since more women don't work. Men pay more for health insurance, car insurance, etc. Why should a man pay for YOUR dinner just because you pay for period supplies? Do you pay for our anxiety medicine from dealing with women? Also, birth control? You're not even having sex yet. Please.

Women don’t work?? So dumb.

And I used to sell health insurance plans to businesses- men ABSOLUTELY pay less than women! That’s just math- partly because of pregnancy women on average cost insurers more than men & that is factored in.

Please start reading and learn about the real world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care how fancy the date is but I expect the man to pay for it if he asked for it. I’ve gone on first dates that were coffee; a glass of wine; a nice lunch; nice dinner; and even a full day trip with tickets, dinner and a gift; it doesn’t matter how fancy it’s about the conversation and any spark, but he should have the class and substance to pay. If I ask him out I’ll pay.

If you expect this then that's the tone you are setting for the rest of the relationship. He would look for someone weak and submissive and you would be happy with it. This is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just degrading for a woman to accept freebies. Men should date women with dignity and principles not part time escorts.

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