Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we are looking for true equality for women, we’ll have to reform our dating culture. There is no such thing as a free meal, these free meals are costing our gender in many ways.

Exactly. I’m a woman and I owe men NOTHING. That changes when I begin seeing men as a free meal - there’s always strings, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we are looking for true equality for women, we’ll have to reform our dating culture. There is no such thing as a free meal, these free meals are costing our gender in many ways.

Exactly. I’m a woman and I owe men NOTHING. That changes when I begin seeing men as a free meal - there’s always strings, ladies.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

[Anonymous]

Well, centuries of societal conditioning still has its hold on female psyche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

No. It does not make any sense. Why do it at the table? When you are asked on a first date by a man, you accept and say that you will go if you can pay for your share. You also make it clear that you don't want your share to exceed $30. Most men are fine with this because your first few dates should be low key and should be only grabbing a coffee or a quick bite.

- woman who paid her share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

No, but if you are driving a Lexus, why the hell aren't you paying for your own stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

Well, they are probably going out with some angry thin skinned girls who can’t afford their meals. Perfect pairing.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t understand this argument. Men who want to pay their half are worse than women who doesn’t want to may for their share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

No, but if you are driving a Lexus, why the hell aren't you paying for your own stuff?

I think the issue is that mostly people are not dating people they meet and know IRL. If you are dating using an app, you have no idea what the person really looks like or behaves like.

Using a dating app ls like a blind date in some ways and so I think the smart thing to do is have several coffee dates and people pay for their own share.

If you know or have seen a person IRL, and ask her/him out, you need to be prepared to pay for the date. And then that date will be a dinner date most probably. The person asking knows what they are getting in terms of looks etc.

I think the person who was angry with the woman who ordered $60 worth of food, was also upset because she looked older than her photo, he did not feel the vibes, she was low class and he felt swindled.

So if the dating rules have to change - the first few dates with an unknown person should be coffee or drinks and people should pay their share. If you are interested in the other party and want to date them, ask them out, then you pay for the whole date. The other party can insist on paying their share.

A lot of things are at play here. Good manners, how well you know the person, your interest in the person or the date, your money situation.

A good date can be relaxed, fun and creative. It does not have to cost a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

No, but if you are driving a Lexus, why the hell aren't you paying for your own stuff?

A glorified Toyota? I’m PP and I’m a man. Last date I saw the woman’s car was an Audi. I still paid. That’s what real men do son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting to date after an LT marriage ended. In my mid 40's and haven't dated in almost 20 years.

I've gone out a few times with different people. I asked them out. Both times, when the check came, the date didn't even offer to split it. The one where we just had a few drinks over a happy hour doesn't hurt. It was less than $50. However, the second one went on to order a full-blown meal where the expectation was to just meet for a few drinks to see if we actually like each other in person. Just her part was $60 including appetizer, dinner, and dessert. When the check came, she had to use the restroom. I disconnected from both of them. Even if they offered to pay for their own order, would have made me feel better but it seemed like it was expected that I would pay. Also, these aren't some 20-30 year old people I'm talking about. Both ladies were my age +/- a few years.

Should I tell people up front that we will split the check? I don't want to be a dick but this is going to start to add up.

Question for women - is it expected for the man to pay for the first date?

Question for men - Do you just tell the server at the end for separate checks? Again, I don't want to be an ass about it but especially if the date is not going well, why should I end up paying for both.

Wow, this topic went up just yesterday and already has sixteen pages of comments. This should not be difficult or controversial. I am happily married man and I have been out of the dating pool for some time, but some things are timeless, so here is how the dating world works.

The man asks out the woman, plans the date, and pays for all expenses on the date, meals, tips, parking, everything. This is true whether they are teenagers or retirees, and does not depend on either person's income. The man is free to choose places within his price range, and by choosing a nice place and paying for it, he has an opportunity to show off that he is successful, and also that he is excited about the woman, both of which are good messages to send. If the woman is classy, she does not abuse it by ordering lobster and champagne, she thanks him sincerely, and does NOT offer to split. An offer to split suggests she does not like the man and does not plan to see him again. There is no expectation of the woman trading sex for the date, but if there is no chemistry, both parties know there will not be more dates. Depending on whether the man likes her and feels chemistry, he is free to ask her out again, or not. And depending on whether she likes him, she is free to say yes or not. This continues, with the man paying, until they transition from dates to a relationship. At that point, they have a lot to talk about, and sharing expenses is one of those topics.

This is how normal, classy, well adjusted people operate in the dating world. It is not for everyone, but fair warning, if you are a man or woman and you think these rules are screwy, you will hold yourself back from a successful dating life. That is just how it is.

So says the man who may not have dated in this century!

PP here - guilty as charged, but this approach worked great for me in the last century, and is working equally fine for my sons AND my daughter in this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I'm the PP and actually haven't started dating yet but we seem to think alike. How do you end all of these first dates on friendly terms other than paying half?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon sitting down at the table I normally tell dates I expect to pay at least $15 but that I would like to keep our total to $35, $40 at the most. If the check is more than $35, but under $40, I tell them will pay 80 percent of the overage and if it is $40 or more, we will split it Even Steven. If they flinch or make a comment, I get up and walk away. Make sense?

I don’t mind men who don’t want to spend a ton on me for a first date, but this is just cringe. Reeks of bitterness and MGTOW. I’d leave not because I want your money, but because I’m not gonna waste time on a bean counter.

Just suggest cheaper dates. Coffee, museum, monuments, parks - all cheap or free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I'm the PP and actually haven't started dating yet but we seem to think alike. How do you end all of these first dates on friendly terms other than paying half?

You say "it was really nice meeting you and thank you for dinner (if he pays)." You don't need to address whether you want to see him again right then and there. Typically if one of you is interested, that person texts first and says something about having a great time, would like to see you again, etc. If you don't reciprocate, it's very easy to just simply say something like "unfortunately, I just didn't feel the connection I'm looking for, but I wish you the best." Just don't ghost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

I'm a millionaire, and I also have 100 better ways to use $100 than to spend it on a leech who wasn't serious about dating.