Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I wish women like you wore a sign, that way I'd know to never contact you in the first place.

What OLD really needs is reviews of women. Then men could be informed shoppers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I'm the PP and actually haven't started dating yet but we seem to think alike. How do you end all of these first dates on friendly terms other than paying half?

You say "it was really nice meeting you and thank you for dinner (if he pays)." You don't need to address whether you want to see him again right then and there. Typically if one of you is interested, that person texts first and says something about having a great time, would like to see you again, etc. If you don't reciprocate, it's very easy to just simply say something like "unfortunately, I just didn't feel the connection I'm looking for, but I wish you the best." Just don't ghost.

Would never ghost. I just don't know about all this online dating and if I start I want to be as honest and nice as possible while protecting myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

Oh stop. No one wants free food bad enough to sit through an awkward date. She didn’t use you for food, you just didn’t connect.

THIS. I wish men would stop assuming that a woman is willing to get dressed up, block out her schedule, and commute somewhere just for free food. It's absolutely ridiculous. It would be painful to suffer through a whole dinner with someone you weren't remotely interested in, just to get a free meal.

If you will read carefully you'll see she asked me out to dinner. I think she contacted me first on OLD. Lesson learned: if they contact me, or ask me out, or are a widow, avoid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me last year:

I connect with a 55 year old Hispanic widow on OLD. Her photos are decent, and I enjoy texting with her. She asks me out, and suggests the place. We meet for a weekend dinner.

In person she's an old lady looking 55, not a hottie 55. The conversation is decent but toward the end of dinner she tells me she's only been a widow for a year, she isn't ready for dating, her kids made her get on OLD and they created her profile. The bill comes and of course I pay, and I don't think I even got a handshake or a hug on the way to the parking lot. I felt used. I wish women would realize there is another human being on the other size of their free meal transaction.

I would just write this one off as a valuable lesson learned.

Why would you feel used? Her kids urged her to try OLD. Maybe if she was a 45yo and hot, you would have sympathized with her more. You may have tried to be her friend with possibility of sex or relationship or friendship.

Dp So she owes you a hug because you paid?

What she owed me was to not ask me out, to not contact me. She wasn't ready or interested in dating, and yet there she was. What I learned--don't meet women who are aggressive in any way, and avoid all widows because they apparently have mental issues. Also she owed me recent photos so I could see she was an old lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ask me out for a date, I expect you to pay

+1. The person who asks, pays.

Arrange cheaper dates. Coffee is a good first date, rather than drinks/dinner. If it doesn't go well, you're only out $5.

Haha once I went on a date at a hip diner style place. I ordered a coffee ($2.50) and he ordered a scotch ($15) and still insisted I paid for my own drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I wish women like you wore a sign, that way I'd know to never contact you in the first place.

What OLD really needs is reviews of women. Then men could be informed shoppers.

I mean, I try to wear one. My profile highlights my looks and makes clear that I afford and enjoy a nice lifestyle/UMC markers. I personally make clear immediately that I am in no rush to partner up. What's wrong with any of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

I'm a millionaire, and I also have 100 better ways to use $100 than to spend it on a leech who wasn't serious about dating.

Can’t take it with you pal. Have a nice life alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I'm the PP and actually haven't started dating yet but we seem to think alike. How do you end all of these first dates on friendly terms other than paying half?

I either say it when we are leaving if hes trying to plan another date (I had a great time but I dont think that this is what I am looking for romantically at this time". Otherwise I just text when I get home, "Hey, had a great time, thanks for meeting up tonight. I dont see us having a romantic future, but I wish you all the best out there, I hope you find your person soon".

I have made several really good friends this way, and have not had any upsetting/bad experiences from being forthright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are some angry thin skinned boys on here maybe living with their parents and spending their allowance or stimulus check on dates they can’t afford.

I'm a millionaire, and I also have 100 better ways to use $100 than to spend it on a leech who wasn't serious about dating.

Can’t take it with you pal. Have a nice life alone.

Totally picture this guy as all red faced and middle aged, with a beer gut and a combover, lamenting all the ways he could spend his $100 that might get him some ass. Poor thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I wish women like you wore a sign, that way I'd know to never contact you in the first place.

What OLD really needs is reviews of women. Then men could be informed shoppers.

Curious. What do you dislike about this person? That they are picky? You want cheap sex or something after the first date? She's not using anyone because she pays her own way and honestly sounds fun if she's creative. She doesn't waste their time after one date if she's not interested. So just curious. What are you looking for and why is this person such a turn off?

[Anonymous]

I think it's silly that men are expected to pay for the dates. Moreover, the "whoever asks pays" doesn't change much because men are usually the ones asking. I get that women face disadvantages in the labor market, but it's unrealistic to try to undo societal unjustice during dates. I'm a black man, if I hang out with my white friend should they always pay because of discrimination, reparations, etc.? That would be weird for me to bring up slavery or police maltreatment of black males to justify their paying for me. If I went on a date with a white woman, who should pay by this logic? Women wear makeup, etc. but don't they do that for themselves? I'm not a fan of makeup anyway.

That said, I always prepare to pay for the entire date and don't pay that much attention to if she offers to pay, at least not on the first few dates. This is not the hill I'm going to die on.

If you want to lessen the sting of always picking up first date tabs here's some tips:
Choose restaurants/activities that you would like to try. Even if the date is a bust, you'll have done something you wanted to do anyway.
Meet for brunch/lunch. These meals are usually cheaper and more laid back. If the date is going bad there's a built in excuse to end it quickly(have to go back to work, run errands) and if it is going good you can segue to other activities without making her feel like you just want to get laid, as will more likely be the feeling late at night.
Go ethnic. Ethnic restaurants are often cheaper, and if it is a cuisine she has not tried much will offer something to talk about/remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I wish women like you wore a sign, that way I'd know to never contact you in the first place.

What OLD really needs is reviews of women. Then men could be informed shoppers.

Curious. What do you dislike about this person? That they are picky? You want cheap sex or something after the first date? She's not using anyone because she pays her own way and honestly sounds fun if she's creative. She doesn't waste their time after one date if she's not interested. So just curious. What are you looking for and why is this person such a turn off?

My guess is that he is intimidated by the fact that this woman can confidently state that she doesn't need him. His millions wont impress her. Therefore he is PISSED. I think it speaks to a ton of insecurity on his part, as he has to double down on both insulting the OP woman, and gives him another change to brag about his being a millionaire, and all.

[Anonymous]

on a first date I always offer to pay half if he asked me out. If I asked him out (which I never do) then I would assume I would pay. However, if I offer to pay when he asked me out and he takes me up on it, I know he isn't that into me. Its been my experience that if a man is into me, he turns down the offer of half and pays the whole way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are these guys harping on here? I’m a man and I pay. I will always feed you. I don’t care if it is the first date or the last one. I have no problem picking up the check. I don’t care who you are. I have a job and don’t go around penny pinching my dates. If you’re going to worry about this then stay home. Get out of the dating pool until you grow up. This isn’t high school.

THANK YOU.

Would someone like this be offended if the woman offered or even requested to pay half? Now that I'm older and I don't know the background of the people like I did with my high school or college boyfriend I feel like I'd rather just pay for half and not have to deal with any type of bad vibes from a man after a date if it didn't go well.

I'm not a feminist or anything btw. I'd be fine with a person picking up the tab if we were exclusive. I just don't really like the idea of casual dating and men feeling used. I want to be able to meet up with someone and be able to leave no hurt feelings after.

I agree. I am extremely picky, I'm a good looking well off woman. I am very happy single and in no rush, but dating can be a fun distraction. I rarely go on second dates as I have to be pretty impressed to want to go out again. Knowing that about me, I always split. That way I dont see them again but dont feel badly, either. The only times I let a guy pay are if I'm planning on another date, then I get to plan (and pay for) the next one, which I like as I am creative.

I wish women like you wore a sign, that way I'd know to never contact you in the first place.

What OLD really needs is reviews of women. Then men could be informed shoppers.

Curious. What do you dislike about this person? That they are picky? You want cheap sex or something after the first date? She's not using anyone because she pays her own way and honestly sounds fun if she's creative. She doesn't waste their time after one date if she's not interested. So just curious. What are you looking for and why is this person such a turn off?

My guess is that he is intimidated by the fact that this woman can confidently state that she doesn't need him. His millions wont impress her. Therefore he is PISSED. I think it speaks to a ton of insecurity on his part, as he has to double down on both insulting the OP woman, and gives him another change to brag about his being a millionaire, and all.

My guess is, he is very unimpressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's silly that men are expected to pay for the dates. Moreover, the "whoever asks pays" doesn't change much because men are usually the ones asking. I get that women face disadvantages in the labor market, but it's unrealistic to try to undo societal unjustice during dates. I'm a black man, if I hang out with my white friend should they always pay because of discrimination, reparations, etc.? That would be weird for me to bring up slavery or police maltreatment of black males to justify their paying for me. If I went on a date with a white woman, who should pay by this logic? Women wear makeup, etc. but don't they do that for themselves? I'm not a fan of makeup anyway.

That said, I always prepare to pay for the entire date and don't pay that much attention to if she offers to pay, at least not on the first few dates. This is not the hill I'm going to die on.

If you want to lessen the sting of always picking up first date tabs here's some tips:
Choose restaurants/activities that you would like to try. Even if the date is a bust, you'll have done something you wanted to do anyway.
Meet for brunch/lunch. These meals are usually cheaper and more laid back. If the date is going bad there's a built in excuse to end it quickly(have to go back to work, run errands) and if it is going good you can segue to other activities without making her feel like you just want to get laid, as will more likely be the feeling late at night.
Go ethnic. Ethnic restaurants are often cheaper, and if it is a cuisine she has not tried much will offer something to talk about/remember.

Who pays for the date has no correlation with the labor market; it is the sexual market, which rewards differently. The reason men have paid for women since cavemen is because women are more sexually valuable, not because they make more money. The vast number of women have more dating options than men, and in market terms that means men compete for them. The $30 for her dinner is a very small window into this economy.