MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

DP. It's her house, but it's OP's baby. The grandparents don't get a vote or any control over how the baby is cared for. They were told the routine in advance and told no help was needed multiple nights in a row. What possible reason is there for continuing to harass the parents in the middle of the night?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Oh well. Probably for the best. DIL sounds like a control freak pain in the ass.

Disagree. I think she sounds like a normal rational person who got irritated that her MIL kept asking her 4 or 5 nights in a row if everything g was ok, even though she was repeatedly told everything was fine.

You, however, DO sound like a pain in the a$$.

Normal and rational? Sure. A normal person would just roll their eyes and get on with life. Not normal people "brush" their MIL out of the way, accuse them of prowling, call them a nuisance, and go into a tailspin because she dared to check in with them to make sure everything was ok. Actually it sounds like the DIL and MIL have more in common than originally thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

DP. It's her house, but it's OP's baby. The grandparents don't get a vote or any control over how the baby is cared for. They were told the routine in advance and told no help was needed multiple nights in a row. What possible reason is there for continuing to harass the parents in the middle of the night?

Now it's harassment. The plot thickens. So. Much. Drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, so your MIL asked in a loud voice in close proximity to you, if everything was okay, every night you visited? Is that what this thread is about? That’s your grievance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

This is why it’s never advisable for Grandparents to have a power struggle with the parents. They cannot win and they do long term damage to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her house, she can be concerned. Weird to offer her a white noise machine and its not going to drown out the crying. Let her nurture baby.

It’s not her baby.

This response makes me sad. As a mom of young child, I can already imagine how much I would love my grandchild. Obviously, they will have a life that I will not be a part of, and have different ways of doing things. But, if my kid come to visit with their baby and spouse, and the vibe is, "It is not your baby," that would be very disappointing. Of course it would not be my baby. But it would be dearest and most cherished family. A loving grandparent is an asset. Annoying or just clueless at times, but an asset. Anyone responsible who loves your baby like their own is an asset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

This is why it’s never advisable for Grandparents to have a power struggle with the parents. They cannot win and they do long term damage to the relationship.

OP said they won't stay there until the baby sleeps through the night. Where do you get that the relationship is over? OP isn't as worked up as her supporters here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Oh well. Probably for the best. DIL sounds like a control freak pain in the ass.

Disagree. I think she sounds like a normal rational person who got irritated that her MIL kept asking her 4 or 5 nights in a row if everything g was ok, even though she was repeatedly told everything was fine.

You, however, DO sound like a pain in the a$$.

Normal and rational? Sure. A normal person would just roll their eyes and get on with life. Not normal people "brush" their MIL out of the way, accuse them of prowling, call them a nuisance, and go into a tailspin because she dared to check in with them to make sure everything was ok. Actually it sounds like the DIL and MIL have more in common than originally thought.

If DIL is the problem, why is it the MILs own son saying no more visits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, so your MIL asked in a loud voice in close proximity to you, if everything was okay, every night you visited? Is that what this thread is about? That’s your grievance?

Well, if something like that doesn’t annoy you, I’m envious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Oh well. Probably for the best. DIL sounds like a control freak pain in the ass.

Disagree. I think she sounds like a normal rational person who got irritated that her MIL kept asking her 4 or 5 nights in a row if everything g was ok, even though she was repeatedly told everything was fine.

You, however, DO sound like a pain in the a$$.

Normal and rational? Sure. A normal person would just roll their eyes and get on with life. Not normal people "brush" their MIL out of the way, accuse them of prowling, call them a nuisance, and go into a tailspin because she dared to check in with them to make sure everything was ok. Actually it sounds like the DIL and MIL have more in common than originally thought.

If DIL is the problem, why is it the MILs own son saying no more visits, until baby is STTN?

Fixed it for you. You left out a key part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Oh well. Probably for the best. DIL sounds like a control freak pain in the ass.

Disagree. I think she sounds like a normal rational person who got irritated that her MIL kept asking her 4 or 5 nights in a row if everything g was ok, even though she was repeatedly told everything was fine.

You, however, DO sound like a pain in the a$$.

Normal and rational? Sure. A normal person would just roll their eyes and get on with life. Not normal people "brush" their MIL out of the way, accuse them of prowling, call them a nuisance, and go into a tailspin because she dared to check in with them to make sure everything was ok. Actually it sounds like the DIL and MIL have more in common than originally thought.

I think you mean “dared to check in with them four nights in a row despite being told everything was fine”. That’s annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a big deal. You two were creating more communication than needed with BOTH of you getting up and walking the halls and using the bathroom while baby cries. This is a one parent thing to handle. While annoying, when you told her you don’t need help she went back to her room, right? Just move on. Hotel next time

If I wake up in the middle of the night—whether it is because of a baby crying or a car alarm or my FIL rattling around in the kitchen straining turkey stock (a real thing that has happened to me at 4 a.m.)—I need to pee. So OP and DH probably needed to pee. Makes sense that OP would pee first, get back to the room to breastfeed, and then DH would pee.

I didn’t get the sense that they were both “walking the halls while baby cried.” OP peed while DH picked up baby and shushed/changed, then OP popped a boob in baby’s mouth while DH went to pee.

-np

It is still two people up walking in the halls separately plus one baby crying. They could have minimized this by just one parent waking. The other one can pee after baby is back to sleep another time. Just tell her no thanks to help in the hall. Shouldn’t be a huge deal

So two people are awakened by a baby crying, need to pee, and one should just…wait? For an arbitrary amount of time? So they can exit the room another time and risk waking the baby again, or waking ILs or the other spouse again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

This is why it’s never advisable for Grandparents to have a power struggle with the parents. They cannot win and they do long term damage to the relationship.

OP said they won't stay there until the baby sleeps through the night. Where do you get that the relationship is over? OP isn't as worked up as her supporters here.

I didn’t say over, I said damaged. New babies are an emotional, hormonal time. A wise and supportive MIL follows her son and DIL’s lead so they trust her and find time with her pleasant, which leads to more time with the baby, which leads to a better relationship between MIL and baby, which leads to more trust, etc. Feeling like MIL doesn’t listen to fairly simple requests does the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

Oh well. Probably for the best. DIL sounds like a control freak pain in the ass.

Disagree. I think she sounds like a normal rational person who got irritated that her MIL kept asking her 4 or 5 nights in a row if everything g was ok, even though she was repeatedly told everything was fine.

You, however, DO sound like a pain in the a$$.

Normal and rational? Sure. A normal person would just roll their eyes and get on with life. Not normal people "brush" their MIL out of the way, accuse them of prowling, call them a nuisance, and go into a tailspin because she dared to check in with them to make sure everything was ok. Actually it sounds like the DIL and MIL have more in common than originally thought.

If DIL is the problem, why is it the MILs own son saying no more visits, until baby is STTN?

Fixed it for you. You left out a key part.

OK. Same question. If DIL is the problem why is it her son who is cutting off the visits for the next 8-12 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much drama. Why didn’t you just keep your door closed and not go out in the hallway? You could have waited to use the bathroom once the baby was settled and everyone was back in bed.

Yeah, why did you continue to go out into the hall each night knowing you would meet her there and have to deal with her?

Do you think maybe because OP had to pee and didn’t want to be sitting there uncomfortable, needing to pee for 15 minutes while breastfeeding? -np

They both need to use the bathroom every time the baby wakes up? Weird.

I think a lot of people need to pee in the middle of the night, especially if they are woken up by something other than their body, like a car alarm. I know I do.

So… maybe like MIL, also woken up by something either than her body?

Right…so maybe MIL could do as she was asked for several nights in a row, and even before the trip commenced, and leave the parents/baby alone during the one night wake up? Maybe? So maybe like MIL could use the restroom and then go back to bed, instead of loudly talking and generally getting in the way when she had already been told multiple times that the parents didn’t want help? Like, maybe?

Like, maybe, but she didn't. Maybe she didn't like being told what to do in her own house, maybe? So, now what? Burn the witch?

Oh, there’s no “maybe,” and there’s no “burning.” MIL was free to keep butting in even after she was asked not to. Grandbaby won’t be staying in her home anymore. Oh well! She can roam the halls alone now.

This is why it’s never advisable for Grandparents to have a power struggle with the parents. They cannot win and they do long term damage to the relationship.

OP said they won't stay there until the baby sleeps through the night. Where do you get that the relationship is over? OP isn't as worked up as her supporters here.

I didn’t say over, I said damaged. New babies are an emotional, hormonal time. A wise and supportive MIL follows her son and DIL’s lead so they trust her and find time with her pleasant, which leads to more time with the baby, which leads to a better relationship between MIL and baby, which leads to more trust, etc. Feeling like MIL doesn’t listen to fairly simple requests does the opposite.

Overreacting to petty annoyances doesn't build strong family bonds either. Family can be annoying, you have to let things roll off your back sometimes. Why is this a one way street?