Would you date a bisexual man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are insane. First of all, no, not wanting to date a bisexual man isn't "biphobic" and you're all acting like right-wing trolls. "I GUESS THAT MAKES ME BIPHOBIC." Literally no one said that. If you're not attracted to them, don't date them. I'm not attracted to Asian men so I don't date Asian men. That's not racist, that's just a preference. Literally no one said you were biphobic other than maybe a Jacobin writer so stop playing the martyr.

Second of all, while, yes, a lot of gay and bisexual people are more, uh, kinky, I don't think that's true of all of them. Dating a bisexual doesn't automatically equate to "you need to be in an open relationship and have nightly MMF threesomes." Wtf.

How does a woman even know the guy is bisexual unless he tells her.

I'm a bisexual male, an unless I choose to tell people, they wouldn't know.

As a bi male are you monogamous and why do bi men often look for women on date apps?

I'm married and not on the market.

Since this site is for dads (and some moms too), my guess is 90% of the readers are also in monogamous married relationships.

Yes but he's A BI MAN!! He couldn't PPPPOSSIBLY be MONOGAMOUS! *clutches pearls*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are insane. First of all, no, not wanting to date a bisexual man isn't "biphobic" and you're all acting like right-wing trolls. "I GUESS THAT MAKES ME BIPHOBIC." Literally no one said that. If you're not attracted to them, don't date them. I'm not attracted to Asian men so I don't date Asian men. That's not racist, that's just a preference. Literally no one said you were biphobic other than maybe a Jacobin writer so stop playing the martyr.

Second of all, while, yes, a lot of gay and bisexual people are more, uh, kinky, I don't think that's true of all of them. Dating a bisexual doesn't automatically equate to "you need to be in an open relationship and have nightly MMF threesomes." Wtf.

Literally someone on this thread DID say that and that is what people are responding to:

5. It is Bi-phobic to not date a Bisexual person. You are literally afraid of them and have prejudices against them. That's what a phobia is. That's what this entire thread is.

When you tell people they are biphobic for not wanting to date someone who is bisexual, even if they are in every other way tolerant and open to bi people (as friends, coworkers, as people with rights, as people who should get to choose their own sexual partners and not be persecuted for it), then yes, you wind up with a lot of people defensively saying they are NOT biphobic for not wanting to date a bisexual person.

Also, no one equated bisexuality with wanting an open marriage or having nightly threesomes. But some posters have said that one reason they are unlikely to date a bisexual person is that there is a higher likelihood that a bisexual person might want an open relationship in the future (if, say, they find over the longterm that marriage to a person of one gender does not enable them to sufficiently express their bisexuality) or might be more interested in exploring bisexual experiences like threesomes. I don't find open marriages or threesomes taboo or a mark of immorality, so I don't think the supposition that a bisexual person might be more interested in them, statistically, to be some kind of insult. It is reasonable for a straight person to be concerned that a longterm relationship with someone who knows they are attracted to multiple genders might cause issues down the road.

Literally this entire thread is full of people who are fully convinced that Bi people are inherently cheaters and absolutely incapable of monogamy. And that's a crappy, phobic, prejudiced
way of thinking.

Again is it OK for me to say I wouldn't date a religious person because I think they are repressed and into water sports?

You are reading the posters who are saying prejudiced things and assuming that ALL the posters are saying that. There have been many posters who have said they wouldn't date bi men without also saying anything biphobic.

There have been several posters who have said they like dating bi men.

There was one poster who said not wanting to date bi people is automatically biphobic, and several posters have politely but strongly disagreed.

I do think it is hard for some people who are not bi to wrap their head around the idea of a bi person getting married and staying monogamous because doing so would be equivalent to saying they will no longer act on their bisexuality. It is an interesting aspect of bi or pan-sexuality that people who are heterosexual, homosexual, or asexual might be unfamiliar with. I think some of the comments have fallen into the category of being confused for this reason and lacking understanding. They are biphobic but I think mostly just need to be more educated on how actual bi people think about these issues. If you've never known a bi person, or only known a couple who were not monogamous, it could really color your thinking in ways you might not realize are biphobic.

(Also, lots of people, including me, would refrain from dating very religious people for any number of reasons, and it's totally a-OK. People get to be selective about who they date and have sex with and that's a good thing. That choice is separate from how you think about people generally or how you treat people in the world. Your dating app preferences are not definitive of your feelings about other human beings.)

[Anonymous]

Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are insane. First of all, no, not wanting to date a bisexual man isn't "biphobic" and you're all acting like right-wing trolls. "I GUESS THAT MAKES ME BIPHOBIC." Literally no one said that. If you're not attracted to them, don't date them. I'm not attracted to Asian men so I don't date Asian men. That's not racist, that's just a preference. Literally no one said you were biphobic other than maybe a Jacobin writer so stop playing the martyr.

Second of all, while, yes, a lot of gay and bisexual people are more, uh, kinky, I don't think that's true of all of them. Dating a bisexual doesn't automatically equate to "you need to be in an open relationship and have nightly MMF threesomes." Wtf.

How does a woman even know the guy is bisexual unless he tells her.

I'm a bisexual male, an unless I choose to tell people, they wouldn't know.

As a bi male are you monogamous and why do bi men often look for women on date apps?

I'm married and not on the market.

Since this site is for dads (and some moms too), my guess is 90% of the readers are also in monogamous married relationships.

Yes but he's A BI MAN!! He couldn't PPPPOSSIBLY be MONOGAMOUS! *clutches pearls*[b]

Those aren't pearls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are insane. First of all, no, not wanting to date a bisexual man isn't "biphobic" and you're all acting like right-wing trolls. "I GUESS THAT MAKES ME BIPHOBIC." Literally no one said that. If you're not attracted to them, don't date them. I'm not attracted to Asian men so I don't date Asian men. That's not racist, that's just a preference. Literally no one said you were biphobic other than maybe a Jacobin writer so stop playing the martyr.

Second of all, while, yes, a lot of gay and bisexual people are more, uh, kinky, I don't think that's true of all of them. Dating a bisexual doesn't automatically equate to "you need to be in an open relationship and have nightly MMF threesomes." Wtf.

How does a woman even know the guy is bisexual unless he tells her.

I'm a bisexual male, an unless I choose to tell people, they wouldn't know.

As a bi male are you monogamous and why do bi men often look for women on date apps?

I'm married and not on the market.

*clutches anal beads that a married bisexual man used with his boyfriend because no bisexual man on this earth could possibly be in a monogamous relationship*

Since this site is for dads (and some moms too), my guess is 90% of the readers are also in monogamous married relationships.

Yes but he's A BI MAN!! He couldn't PPPPOSSIBLY be MONOGAMOUS! *clutches pearls*[b]

Those aren't pearls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are insane. First of all, no, not wanting to date a bisexual man isn't "biphobic" and you're all acting like right-wing trolls. "I GUESS THAT MAKES ME BIPHOBIC." Literally no one said that. If you're not attracted to them, don't date them. I'm not attracted to Asian men so I don't date Asian men. That's not racist, that's just a preference. Literally no one said you were biphobic other than maybe a Jacobin writer so stop playing the martyr.

Second of all, while, yes, a lot of gay and bisexual people are more, uh, kinky, I don't think that's true of all of them. Dating a bisexual doesn't automatically equate to "you need to be in an open relationship and have nightly MMF threesomes." Wtf.

How does a woman even know the guy is bisexual unless he tells her.

I'm a bisexual male, an unless I choose to tell people, they wouldn't know.

As a bi male are you monogamous and why do bi men often look for women on date apps?

I'm married and not on the market.

Since this site is for dads (and some moms too), my guess is 90% of the readers are also in monogamous married relationships.

Yes but he's A BI MAN!! He couldn't PPPPOSSIBLY be MONOGAMOUS! *clutches pearls*[b]

Those aren't pearls.

Fine. *clutches anal beads that a married bisexual man used with his boyfriend because no bisexual man on this earth could possibly be in a monogamous relationship*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

Most gay male marriages aren't monogamous.

[Anonymous]

My husband is straight but not monogamous.

Silly assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

That. Is. A. Crappy. Biphobic. Thing. To. Think. That is prejudiced and stereotypical. And it's really flipping pissing me off on this thread. Esp the tone that 'oh this is a known fact and it's reasonable for me to say.'

If a person is in LOVE with another person they can fully commit themselves and be monogamous. No matter the sexuality or gender. Also people of any sexuality and gender can be cheaters or ethically non-monogamous. Bi people aren't automatically going to cheat, want a threesome or miss dating the other sex.

Flipping stop with this nonsense. You make us sound like sex addicts. It's sh1tty. Some of us are tired from work and kids and we just want to watch hockey and drink a glass of wine with our spouses before going to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is straight but not monogamous.

Silly assumptions.

Seriously. It's so weird that people in this thread are acting like all bisexuals are in open marriages or prone to cheating.

I am married to a man. I'm attracted to men. Sometimes I will see an attractive man and think wow, I bet he'd be fun to have sex with!!! But I don't actually have sex with him, because I'm in a monogamous, committed marriage. Likewise I'm certain there are bisexual men who are married to women who are attracted to men and think "I'd like to have sex with him," when they see attractive men, but they don't because they're married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is straight but not monogamous.

Silly assumptions.

Seriously. It's so weird that people in this thread are acting like all bisexuals are in open marriages or prone to cheating.

I am married to a man. I'm attracted to men. Sometimes I will see an attractive man and think wow, I bet he'd be fun to have sex with!!! But I don't actually have sex with him, because I'm in a monogamous, committed marriage. Likewise I'm certain there are bisexual men who are married to women who are attracted to men and think "I'd like to have sex with him," when they see attractive men, but they don't because they're married.

You are naive. I am a man, and being monogamous is really, really, REALLY hard for men under perfect circumstances like if you have an attractive and sexually generous wife. If you are bisexual man and have really attractions to male parts that your wife can never satisfy and it's super, super easy to cheat with other men, it's going to happen. And the STI rate in the gay community is very high.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date a bi man because I know he knows how good the d is and a woman couldn't satisfy him the way a man can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

NP. I agree with you, PP, but as has already happened just above, the "it's biphobic not to date bisexual people" poster is insisting you are phobic, wrong and, well, a bad person. I guess I'm a bad person along with you. You're trying to make a calm explanation of your thinking but the "you're biphobic" poster isn't up for listening, only for reflexively insisting anyone who does not agree with them is terrible. I as a straight woman don't want to have sex with a man who is sexually attracted to/has had sex with men; it would be an actual sexual turn-off for me, and I call that a sexual preference of mine. But the "it's biphobic not to date bi people" poster would insist it's phobic and...I should want to date bi men or I'm a problem--? So some people are allowed preferences and others...aren't, and if they dare express that something is a sexual turn-off to them, they are branded as phobic. Labels have gone nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is straight but not monogamous.

Silly assumptions.

Seriously. It's so weird that people in this thread are acting like all bisexuals are in open marriages or prone to cheating.

I am married to a man. I'm attracted to men. Sometimes I will see an attractive man and think wow, I bet he'd be fun to have sex with!!! But I don't actually have sex with him, because I'm in a monogamous, committed marriage. Likewise I'm certain there are bisexual men who are married to women who are attracted to men and think "I'd like to have sex with him," when they see attractive men, but they don't because they're married.

You are naive. I am a man, and being monogamous is really, really, REALLY hard for men under perfect circumstances like if you have an attractive and sexually generous wife. If you are bisexual man and have really attractions to male parts that your wife can never satisfy and it's super, super easy to cheat with other men, it's going to happen. And the STI rate in the gay community is very high.

This, in the bold. It's hard enough for a woman to compete with all the other women, but to compete with, well, mostly everyone? Too much work and stress. At least a woman with a straight husband can ramp up the amount and variety of sex they have, but a woman with a bi husband will always, always be wondering if -- even if he's in love with her, committed, emotionally invested -- he might feel unfulfilled and over time might think, "It's only sex, it's only to scratch the itch I can't get over" and he'll get what he could never get from her, no matter how she tried to satisfy him. I know this is not what some PPs want to hear but it's how a lot of straight women are going to think about this question. Even if their bi husbands/boyfriends love them.