Would you date a bisexual man?

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

NP. I agree with you, PP, but as has already happened just above, the "it's biphobic not to date bisexual people" poster is insisting you are phobic, wrong and, well, a bad person. I guess I'm a bad person along with you. You're trying to make a calm explanation of your thinking but the "you're biphobic" poster isn't up for listening, only for reflexively insisting anyone who does not agree with them is terrible. I as a straight woman don't want to have sex with a man who is sexually attracted to/has had sex with men; it would be an actual sexual turn-off for me, and I call that a sexual preference of mine. But the "it's biphobic not to date bi people" poster would insist it's phobic and...I should want to date bi men or I'm a problem--? So some people are allowed preferences and others...aren't, and if they dare express that something is a sexual turn-off to them, they are branded as phobic. Labels have gone nuts.

PP here and I'm glad someone here understands what I'm saying! I am particularly confused by the argument that not wanting to date bisexual partners is "just as bad" as saying you don't want to date very religious people, because I am someone who doesn't want to date bisexual partners OR very religious people. Because I don't think my longterm relationship goals and interests would line up well with these groups of people. I sincerely wish them all well, though. I just don't want to marry them and spend the rest of my life (1) wondering if my bisexual husband will ever truly be satisfied by our sex life given his interest in having sex with men, or (2) wonder if, and why, my partner thinks I'm going to hell, and arguing with them over how to raise our kids.

For most people, choice of romantic or sexual partners is not political at all, is loaded with all our personal preferences and prejudices, all of which are totally fine if they are restricted to choice in relationship. I mean, there are lots of people who choose not to date outside their race and it's not considered racism. I know gays and lesbians who won't date closeted people for a host of reasons. I've met people who won't date virgins after a certain age. People have a wide variety of personal preferences and attractions when it comes to trans individuals. None of this is "phobic" -- these are practical choices people make for their sex and romantic lives based on their private goals and attractions. I don't know why "Biphobic" poster is having so much trouble understanding that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

NP. I agree with you, PP, but as has already happened just above, the "it's biphobic not to date bisexual people" poster is insisting you are phobic, wrong and, well, a bad person. I guess I'm a bad person along with you. You're trying to make a calm explanation of your thinking but the "you're biphobic" poster isn't up for listening, only for reflexively insisting anyone who does not agree with them is terrible. I as a straight woman don't want to have sex with a man who is sexually attracted to/has had sex with men; it would be an actual sexual turn-off for me, and I call that a sexual preference of mine. But the "it's biphobic not to date bi people" poster would insist it's phobic and...I should want to date bi men or I'm a problem--? So some people are allowed preferences and others...aren't, and if they dare express that something is a sexual turn-off to them, they are branded as phobic. Labels have gone nuts.

PP here and I'm glad someone here understands what I'm saying! I am particularly confused by the argument that not wanting to date bisexual partners is "just as bad" as saying you don't want to date very religious people, because I am someone who doesn't want to date bisexual partners OR very religious people. Because I don't think my longterm relationship goals and interests would line up well with these groups of people. I sincerely wish them all well, though. I just don't want to marry them and spend the rest of my life (1) wondering if my bisexual husband will ever truly be satisfied by our sex life given his interest in having sex with men, or (2) wonder if, and why, my partner thinks I'm going to hell, and arguing with them over how to raise our kids.

For most people, choice of romantic or sexual partners is not political at all, is loaded with all our personal preferences and prejudices, all of which are totally fine if they are restricted to choice in relationship. I mean, there are lots of people who choose not to date outside their race and it's not considered racism. I know gays and lesbians who won't date closeted people for a host of reasons. I've met people who won't date virgins after a certain age. People have a wide variety of personal preferences and attractions when it comes to trans individuals. None of this is "phobic" -- these are practical choices people make for their sex and romantic lives based on their private goals and attractions. I don't know why "Biphobic" poster is having so much trouble understanding that.

The bolded is the whole problem. I don't know why you don't get that. Society has decided that Bisexuality is equal to Not monogamous. And that sucks. I have no idea why you can't understand this. Would you like people assuming you are basically a sex addict who can't control themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

NP. I agree with you, PP, but as has already happened just above, the "it's biphobic not to date bisexual people" poster is insisting you are phobic, wrong and, well, a bad person. I guess I'm a bad person along with you. You're trying to make a calm explanation of your thinking but the "you're biphobic" poster isn't up for listening, only for reflexively insisting anyone who does not agree with them is terrible. I as a straight woman don't want to have sex with a man who is sexually attracted to/has had sex with men; it would be an actual sexual turn-off for me, and I call that a sexual preference of mine. But the "it's biphobic not to date bi people" poster would insist it's phobic and...I should want to date bi men or I'm a problem--? So some people are allowed preferences and others...aren't, and if they dare express that something is a sexual turn-off to them, they are branded as phobic. Labels have gone nuts.

PP here and I'm glad someone here understands what I'm saying! I am particularly confused by the argument that not wanting to date bisexual partners is "just as bad" as saying you don't want to date very religious people, because I am someone who doesn't want to date bisexual partners OR very religious people. Because I don't think my longterm relationship goals and interests would line up well with these groups of people. I sincerely wish them all well, though. I just don't want to marry them and spend the rest of my life (1) wondering if my bisexual husband will ever truly be satisfied by our sex life given his interest in having sex with men, or (2) wonder if, and why, my partner thinks I'm going to hell, and arguing with them over how to raise our kids.

For most people, choice of romantic or sexual partners is not political at all, is loaded with all our personal preferences and prejudices, all of which are totally fine if they are restricted to choice in relationship. I mean, there are lots of people who choose not to date outside their race and it's not considered racism. I know gays and lesbians who won't date closeted people for a host of reasons. I've met people who won't date virgins after a certain age. People have a wide variety of personal preferences and attractions when it comes to trans individuals. None of this is "phobic" -- these are practical choices people make for their sex and romantic lives based on their private goals and attractions. I don't know why "Biphobic" poster is having so much trouble understanding that.

The bolded is the whole problem. I don't know why you don't get that. Society has decided that Bisexuality is equal to Not monogamous. And that sucks. I have no idea why you can't understand this. Would you like people assuming you are basically a sex addict who can't control themselves?

DP, because the root of all this is homophobia, whether these posters agree or not.

Inherently believing that non-straight people are more prone to be wild sex addicts or have ridiculous and unsafe kink (and as if anything that isn’t heteronormative sex is ‘kink’), or be incapable of monogamy IS the bi/homophobia. They will never see that their most basic underlying assumption is flawed and inherently phobic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it the expectation that the bisexual person not act upon their bisexuality? Why are we conditioned to place such importance on monogamy, which ithough sometimes beneficial, is not natural?

It's only an expectation for someone who wishes to be monogamous. I don't care if other people are monogamous, only if my partner is monogamous with me.

"Natural" is an irrelevant term, and a dangerous one when talking about sexuality (plenty of people have argued that non-procreative sex is unnatural, people use this term to enforce their biases).

But you've also outlined exactly why many straight or homosexual people choose not to date bisexual or pansexual people, and why it's nothing to do with biphobia. If your goal is a longterm monogamous relationship, dating a bisexual person seems like you are putting an automatic limit on the relationship because presumably at some point that person will wish to act on their bisexual desires for a gender that you are not. Or you are banking on them being satisfied with expressing their bisexuality only other ways (pornography, fantasy, role play), which may not be a reasonable expectation. It just doesn't make sense for me, as a person interested in monogamy, to set myself up for what seems like an obvious outcome of a relationship with someone who has a strong sexual interest that I will never be able to fulfill.

NP. I agree with you, PP, but as has already happened just above, the "it's biphobic not to date bisexual people" poster is insisting you are phobic, wrong and, well, a bad person. I guess I'm a bad person along with you. You're trying to make a calm explanation of your thinking but the "you're biphobic" poster isn't up for listening, only for reflexively insisting anyone who does not agree with them is terrible. I as a straight woman don't want to have sex with a man who is sexually attracted to/has had sex with men; it would be an actual sexual turn-off for me, and I call that a sexual preference of mine. But the "it's biphobic not to date bi people" poster would insist it's phobic and...I should want to date bi men or I'm a problem--? So some people are allowed preferences and others...aren't, and if they dare express that something is a sexual turn-off to them, they are branded as phobic. Labels have gone nuts.

PP here and I'm glad someone here understands what I'm saying! I am particularly confused by the argument that not wanting to date bisexual partners is "just as bad" as saying you don't want to date very religious people, because I am someone who doesn't want to date bisexual partners OR very religious people. Because I don't think my longterm relationship goals and interests would line up well with these groups of people. I sincerely wish them all well, though. I just don't want to marry them and spend the rest of my life (1) wondering if my bisexual husband will ever truly be satisfied by our sex life given his interest in having sex with men, or (2) wonder if, and why, my partner thinks I'm going to hell, and arguing with them over how to raise our kids.

For most people, choice of romantic or sexual partners is not political at all, is loaded with all our personal preferences and prejudices, all of which are totally fine if they are restricted to choice in relationship. I mean, there are lots of people who choose not to date outside their race and it's not considered racism. I know gays and lesbians who won't date closeted people for a host of reasons. I've met people who won't date virgins after a certain age. People have a wide variety of personal preferences and attractions when it comes to trans individuals. None of this is "phobic" -- these are practical choices people make for their sex and romantic lives based on their private goals and attractions. I don't know why "Biphobic" poster is having so much trouble understanding that.

The bolded is the whole problem. I don't know why you don't get that. Society has decided that Bisexuality is equal to Not monogamous. And that sucks. I have no idea why you can't understand this. Would you like people assuming you are basically a sex addict who can't control themselves?

NP here. You sound incredibly idealistic and naive about men. I believe very few men, straight or gay/bi, can maintain monogamy for their lifetime if presented with the opportunity for NSA sex. There was a thread on here asking men what prevented them from cheating, and 99% of the responses were lack of opportunities, fear of getting caught, fear of the OW getting attached/going crazy. I think only one or two men, out of several pages, said loyalty to their spouse. Women are the gatekeepers of sex in our society, since they usually have the lower drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You sound incredibly idealistic and naive about men. I believe very few men, straight or gay/bi, can maintain monogamy for their lifetime if presented with the opportunity for NSA sex. There was a thread on here asking men what prevented them from cheating, and 99% of the responses were lack of opportunities, fear of getting caught, fear of the OW getting attached/going crazy. I think only one or two men, out of several pages, said loyalty to their spouse. Women are the gatekeepers of sex in our society, since they usually have the lower drive.

If the concern is just that all men are sex-driven and prone to cheating, then why are posters so vehemently against dating a bi male but not against dating a male period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Michael Barbaro, the guy from the New York Times podcast “the daily” was married to a man. He divorced and has been in a relationship with a woman for several years. They just had a kid.
Personally I’d love to date a bi-guy.

Why?

Different poster, but I love bi guys because they know how to give and receive better than straight men.

Happily married & straight.

But there is no fantasy hotter than the idea of being right there in the bed during MMF; and and maybe even joining in!

Purely fantasy though. Open marriages always fail.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why not. It's possible I've dated bi men. I've never asked any of them if they've been with men.

[Anonymous]

I would. I don’t want to date women but I would date a man who I liked, no matter his place on the spectrum. If some cute, responsible, nice, etc. guy wanted to date me, I wouldn’t care if he’d dated men before. In fact I’d probably befriend his ex boyfriend and we’d become lifelong friends.