Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Introverted" is such a cop out. It is used to mean that I should get my way.

No. I'm an introvert. I usually handle groups of people well, but here are times it is exhausting to expend the energy required to be around other people, and I need space to recharge. Especially if there are other stressors going on in my life. I don't care if it involves my own family of origin, or my DH's, I cringe at the idea of spending a full week with a large group of people...in a single house, of all places...during a pandemic. This isn't a cop-out. If you arent an introvert, then you don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Sounds like the vacations were booked for the exact same time period. Care to fix that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Again, you’re not answering the question why you don’t demand OP’s in-laws be adults? Great that they want to see the grandkids - so they can book vacation in OP’s hometown to see them when OP and family are there.

Would you really not feel bad demanding someone change their vacation that they had already booked, just because you want to go somewhere else and didn’t consult with them? Be honest - you wouldn’t feel bad about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Sounds like the vacations were booked for the exact same time period. Care to fix that?

OP hasn't put down a dime and to my knowledge has not stated that she did. She's just whining about the time and space. I have an idea, how about you trying analytical thinking instead of polishing your victim medal? Or better yet, why doesn't OP try critical thought and analysis? This isn't rocket science. It's freaking WV and FL. Only 1st worlders would be so perturbed by renting a huge vacation home in the mountains.

All airlines are giving free changes to itineraries right now. She can change tickets and hotel, if needed. If in-laws can modify date on house, they could even try that. Jesus H Christ, folks, work together. If you would just stop whining you could actually achieve things.

But you're welcome. Leave it to the older generations to fix things for you millennials. Your awards came a bit too easy, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Not a millennial. Whoops. You failed again, MeeMaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Again, you’re not answering the question why you don’t demand OP’s in-laws be adults? Great that they want to see the grandkids - so they can book vacation in OP’s hometown to see them when OP and family are there.

Would you really not feel bad demanding someone change their vacation that they had already booked, just because you want to go somewhere else and didn’t consult with them? Be honest - you wouldn’t feel bad about that?

Full disclosure. I actually think that you're sort of crazy, or at least slightly mental, so I'll keep this simple. Because OP asked the question. We're talking to OP. I'm not shouting into a void telling grandparents to change their tickets. Also, I'd never tell my MIL or parents that. I love them too much, and it's what we do for our parents - particularly at this age. I understand that you may not have the same relationship with yours but for many of us, we're in the giving back to our parents stage. OP is 40. Her in-laws are likely in their 70s. And she's going to yell at them and whine like an angsty pre-teen? Tsk tsk. When do we ever grow out of that stage? For some of us, clearly never.

And no, I don't fault them because their intent - as stated by OP - was to surprise her and see family. If the act is not malicious, I don't assign fault. Only a pure a-hole would do that.

[Anonymous]

It’s petty clear OP’s DH and in-laws are not going to be satisfied if OP shows up only for one weekend of their vacation. They don’t seem very concerned about what would make OP happy for her birthday. Me, I’d feel terrible asking someone to change their vacation plans to accommodate ones I made without consulting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Again, you’re not answering the question why you don’t demand OP’s in-laws be adults? Great that they want to see the grandkids - so they can book vacation in OP’s hometown to see them when OP and family are there.

Would you really not feel bad demanding someone change their vacation that they had already booked, just because you want to go somewhere else and didn’t consult with them? Be honest - you wouldn’t feel bad about that?

Full disclosure. I actually think that you're sort of crazy, or at least slightly mental, so I'll keep this simple. Because OP asked the question. We're talking to OP. I'm not shouting into a void telling grandparents to change their tickets. Also, I'd never tell my MIL or parents that. I love them too much, and it's what we do for our parents - particularly at this age. I understand that you may not have the same relationship with yours but for many of us, we're in the giving back to our parents stage. OP is 40. Her in-laws are likely in their 70s. And she's going to yell at them and whine like an angsty pre-teen? Tsk tsk. When do we ever grow out of that stage? For some of us, clearly never.

And no, I don't fault them because their intent - as stated by OP - was to surprise her and see family. If the act is not malicious, I don't assign fault. Only a pure a-hole would do that.

Where has OP said she’s going to yell at her in-laws? Nowjere - you made that up. You sound dramatic and the sort of narcissistic person who would do what OP’s in-laws did (not all 70 year olds—it’s DH’s siblings and their spouses too)-plan a major celebration for someone that didn’t consider their personality and wishes or consult with their own plans, and then you’d get miffed they’re not pleased and grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Sounds like the vacations were booked for the exact same time period. Care to fix that?

OP hasn't put down a dime and to my knowledge has not stated that she did. She's just whining about the time and space. I have an idea, how about you trying analytical thinking instead of polishing your victim medal? Or better yet, why doesn't OP try critical thought and analysis? This isn't rocket science. It's freaking WV and FL. Only 1st worlders would be so perturbed by renting a huge vacation home in the mountains.

All airlines are giving free changes to itineraries right now. She can change tickets and hotel, if needed. If in-laws can modify date on house, they could even try that. Jesus H Christ, folks, work together. If you would just stop whining you could actually achieve things.

But you're welcome. Leave it to the older generations to fix things for you millennials. Your awards came a bit too easy, eh?

I'm not a millenial, lady. Well into my 40s here,. Try again.

[Anonymous]

So, I'll ask again: for those of you who think OP should give up the family trip to FL and go to WV instead...why do you think it is acceptable that her DH, knowing there was a trip to FL already planned, decided on WV instead and without consulting OP? You aren't answering why you feel this is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

No brainer here. I wouldn't go. I'd just go to Florida as planned. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP. DH is very insensitive to double book her vacation. OP cannot win. If she goes with his family, she will be miserable. If she makes her DH cancel, do you really think he will be nice on the trip to Florida? He has truly set her up for the fall. Who does that? DH planned both vacations and he needs to man up and keep with original Florida vacation. Cancel WV, go to Florida and next time bring wife on board for family reunion with in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Sounds like the vacations were booked for the exact same time period. Care to fix that?

OP hasn't put down a dime and to my knowledge has not stated that she did. She's just whining about the time and space. I have an idea, how about you trying analytical thinking instead of polishing your victim medal? Or better yet, why doesn't OP try critical thought and analysis? This isn't rocket science. It's freaking WV and FL. Only 1st worlders would be so perturbed by renting a huge vacation home in the mountains.

All airlines are giving free changes to itineraries right now. She can change tickets and hotel, if needed. If in-laws can modify date on house, they could even try that. Jesus H Christ, folks, work together. If you would just stop whining you could actually achieve things.

But you're welcome. Leave it to the older generations to fix things for you millennials. Your awards came a bit too easy, eh?

I'm not a millenial, lady. Well into my 40s here,. Try again.

She was responding to my post and I'm GenX too. These are the same idiots calling Millennials the "participation trophy" generation, which is abject nonsense. I got a few particiipation trophies as a kid. I didn't want them. I would have thrown them out if my mother would have let me. The "participation trophy" generation was because their PARENTS (in our case, Boomers) demanded that everyone gets a trophy, not the kids. Duh.

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Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

LOL. The text above reads more like it was written by a 16 year old than a 40 year old. Seriously? This sounds incredibly childish. Think long term. Is it worth damaging any future family relationships over your behavior here? Just be gracious, smile and say thank you. All lessons that some of us missed in elementary school. You can do your low key celebration the week before. Pretend like you care about DH and his family. It's hard but helps keep a marriage whole.

Yeah, I know....but what about me, me, me, the posters sing in chorus.

Really?

I think there must be some trolls on here. I can’t believe anyone would happily not only give up their vacation but also burn through their PTO for this.

She’s had a stressful year and was looking forward to taking a vacation. Her husband canceled it. You’d just smile and say “Thanks honey!”

Jesus, she's not the only person on this planet who has had a stressful year. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US HAS. Her DH has had a stressful year. DH's family has had a stressful year. Their neighbors have had a stressful year. What is so egregious here is how unaccommodating OP is. Sometimes we give and take. If OP's family had planned a visit, she would beg and plead with her DH to come along for the ride, be friendly and do all the things that she wanted him to do. But in the reverse situation, she cannot offer any level of grace - particularly not one becoming of a 40 yr old woman. I have no idea how marriages survive when spouses cannot show a modicum of respect for the people that their DH/DW love in this world. It's unreal.


In adult world, OP would meet her DH half way on this. She would recognize that his family tried (but may have failed) to do something nice for them. She'd meet them halfway recognizing that they did not act maliciously. This is a vacation. She can go for a few days, be nice to the family that she likely hasn't seen and, more importantly, her DH also hasn't seen. No wonder marriages and in-law relationships end so badly. Good luck with that marriage, OP.

If her DH secretly planned a separate trip, knowing OP had already planned a family vacation to FL, sounds like respect in that marriage has been absent for a long time.
Why do you think it is ok that her DH did this, and OP should just accept it? You're saying OP should have absolutely no say in how she spends her vacation time?

And it is this overt extremism that makes this segment of the population so insufferable. No, I said that she could meet them halfway. Negotiation, my dear, is what grownups do when they are stuck in a pickle. Plus, it is not just OP's vacation time. When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide. She can spend 2-3 days with DH's family in lieu of an entire week and the remaining days at an alternative location and/or house for the remainder of the vacation. I can't imagine that OP would be pleasant for greater than 2 days anyway. She could say, DH, I know that your family means a lot to you and I don't want this to be a big deal, so let's tell them that we can only do X days? I'd imagine the relationship with OP and Dh's family is stellar but for the sake of the marriage and kids, why make it worse? The kids may love their grandparents and aunts. Crazy, I know.

Furthermore, I doubt highly that this is some covert plan by DH to muck up OP's birthday. I mean, the language by OP - "Imposing relatives on MY birthday" "It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT"- alludes to OP getting her way a lot of the time. There are likely details missing so I'll just assume that our dear Veruca has left some of those out.

Jesus. No one is "in a pickle" (are you 80 years old)? They tried to pull a bait and switch and her husband CANCELLED THE VACATION THAT THEY HAD ALREADY BOOKED AND AGREED UPON behind her back to spend her entire week of PTO with her freaking in-laws.

And you're right, "When you travel as a family, the vacation is joint so she alone does not decide." They already DID DECIDE, together. Her husband unilaterally decided to cancel the plans that they had agreed upon together to do what HE and his family wanted to do. Absurd.

Just stop embarrassing yourself.

I'm not embarrassed at all. And yeah, I'm 80. Man, you got me. Should've figured that the poster kids for millennial victimhood wouldn't get the sarcasm. OP paid for nothing. She'll be fine. Scratch that, she won't because she's still suffering in her world of one where "MY VACATIONS MATTER". But relatively, she should be ok.

Look, young PP, you can choose to value family and your relationships, or you can continue to live like you deserve a medal. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and DH, and DH has a great relationship with my family - primarily because we work at it. So you can keep making yourselves miserable over MY BIRTHDAY or you can realize that some of this 1st world drama really doesn't matter. If OP had an iota of maturity, she'd get that.

Now I'll leave you to it. I'm sure you've got some TicTok or other fun young things to attend to where you can talk about how the world has wronged you.

Why do you demand OP be an adult but not her in-laws?

Because for any adult this is easily resolvable but OP would rather wail and moan. IN-laws may be renting a 20 person house in WV. The horror. OP and family can drive to WV without even taking a day off of work. They can leave Friday and come back Sunday. The following weekend, or whenever day, they can continue with her FL trip as planned. For anyone with any level of adult rationalization skills, this is not a difficult outcome to achieve. But you have to want to not be childish to get there.

In-laws probably want to see their kid, grandkid, and dare I say, daughter in law. They probably love them. OP should understand that as a mother. I cannot imagine the type of selfish heart that does not.

So I solved your problem pretty easily. OP could do it, but doesn't want to. Because me...

Sounds like the vacations were booked for the exact same time period. Care to fix that?

Also, OP has made it pretty clear that she can’t get time off very easily. She works in healthcare and she gets this week of PTO. That’s it. Trying to do both states in one week would mean spending most of the time driving which is bad enough as an adult but would be especially difficult with children.

Just the fact that OP’s husband would pull something like this means he’s used to her “taking one for the team” so he can save face. He’s used to forcing her hand to get his way. I bet he’s accidentally invited family on trips that were supposed just for the nuclear family and she just sucked it up. If she accepts that he canceled their vacation, what happens next year? What if his family decides celebrating OPs birthday is awesome and the most convenient time to get together and they want to do it again next year? It’s tradition! Her DH can’t say no to his family. Talking to him doesn’t help because like this year they came to an agreement to go to Florida and he unilaterally decided to do something else. OP either needs to stand up for herself or just accept that she’s going to be the family doormat.

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying that so many posters are getting so triggered by the mention of OP’s birthday. That’s secondary.

The real issue is that the husband decided to cancel his wife’s vacation. Then he wants to dictate that she spends all her PTO doing something she doesnt enjoy and didn’t agree to. His behavior is so self centered and lacking in self awareness that I think they need some marital counseling. She should NOT cancel her vacation to accommodate his passive aggressive scheme.