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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No the mother is not racist.  I am Vietnamese and I understand exactly how she felt.  Same exact situation with my mother because I married a white woman.  She didn't attend my wedding either.  Now my mother and my wife are best buddies.  My wife takes my mother grocery shopping on weekends at Asian store in Seven Corners.  My wife speaks broken Vietnamese and my mom speaks broken English  :D

The son just needs to remind his wife to be that he loves her very much and that even though she didn't do anything wrong, she should go ahead and apologize to his mother and be prepared to be lectured for a couple of hours and I guarantee everything will be fine.  I am willing to bet that it is the mother that made her husband to give the couple 50k as wedding gift.  You're now part of the Mafia. [/quote]
Just because your wife is a doormat doesn't mean other women are.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

I'm not Vietnamese but I do come from an Asian culture where the elders are respected even when they are in the wrong.  It's not being a doormat.  That's looking at Asian culture through a White/Euro lens.  There are so many cultural differences that this is a great example of why the Mom was upset in the first place.

It's like this with many ethnic groups.  Black people "get" other black people without the hurdles of explaining some things.  Vietnamese people "get" other Vietnamese without the need to explains some things.

Yes we can overcome these cultural misunderstandings but it takes an open mind on both sides.

The Mom will accept the marriage, she should have been given more time.  She will have to learn some of the ways of life that her new DIL has and accept that it may be different than what she would like.  The DIL also has to be open minded and see that asking for forgiveness (for springing what is basically and elopement on to the Mom) is not being a doormat, it's the way into the heart of the MIL.  If she really cares about her husband she wouldn't cut off the people that gave birth to him and raised him to be the man she fell in love with.

I'm Asian, married to a different flavor of Asian.  I was not accepted right away, I was hurt but kept trying to make us all get along because they are now part of my family.  My husband's parents, my future kids' grandparents.

I wouldn't let that bond get broken because of my bruised ego.

Over time the tension settled, yes I bit my tongue a LOT, but I don't regret it one bit.  It's better for our future.  (They love me now btw)

Those of you saying you would cut off one whole side of the family for life seem too extreme and egoistic.  You probably think I'm a doormat, it's a cultural difference.  I do rule my roost though, as any proper Asian woman does. :wink:

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