At what point does a favor become a burden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

XOXOXOX

you are wonderful. I hope we’re neighbors. Not because I need something, but because that’s true community. Thank you for sharing your insight and intention.

+1,000,000 We were that family, struggling to juggle a child with a life-threatening illness and an older sib who desperately needed to get out of the house and do an after-school activity. Unfortunately, we couldn't swing transportation. It was just too hard and complicated to get the sick one out. A neighbor two doors down with a child in the class that started right after my kid's offered to pick mine up and bring her home at great inconvenience to her (bringing my kid home and then running back to get hers). At first, I politely declined. Despite knowing and fearing our isolation, I was then, and still am, awful about asking for help. But this woman insisted and so I caved. It was, and still is, the single kindest act anyone has ever done for me and our family. OP, I know it's an inconvenience, but this family is going through a big transition time. And it's not forever. You don't know what's going on behind closed doors or really how hard it is with TWO babies. Some day you may need help, too.

The parents knew for 9 months that TWO babies are coming. There are tons of families with twins and all of them find ways to deal with it. There are tons of families going through big transitions times. How is that a neighbor's problem? I am astounded by your comment's level of self centeredness. Your children = your problem. What if OP gets sick? The other family's children don't go to school? What if she is sick for many days in a row? And if she were to get sick it's most certainly not this neighbor who is going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

XOXOXOX

you are wonderful. I hope we’re neighbors. Not because I need something, but because that’s true community. Thank you for sharing your insight and intention.

+1,000,000 We were that family, struggling to juggle a child with a life-threatening illness and an older sib who desperately needed to get out of the house and do an after-school activity. Unfortunately, we couldn't swing transportation. It was just too hard and complicated to get the sick one out. A neighbor two doors down with a child in the class that started right after my kid's offered to pick mine up and bring her home at great inconvenience to her (bringing my kid home and then running back to get hers). At first, I politely declined. Despite knowing and fearing our isolation, I was then, and still am, awful about asking for help. But this woman insisted and so I caved. It was, and still is, the single kindest act anyone has ever done for me and our family. OP, I know it's an inconvenience, but this family is going through a big transition time. And it's not forever. You don't know what's going on behind closed doors or really how hard it is with TWO babies. Some day you may need help, too.

Your guilting of OP is entirely inapporpriate. OP has done more than her share of this woman's work.

You notice, your neighbor insisted, while this is too much for OP. Why don't you get OP's contact and go transport her neighbor's kids?

God you people. I swear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

When something is on my mind I share it with my partner, it’s not out of the realm of normal to think others might as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

When something is on my mind I share it with my partner, it’s not out of the realm of normal to think others might as well.

And come to make this announcement of supposed future acts of kindness, despite her having to work and how tough her life is? Haha. Yeah, fall for it if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

When something is on my mind I share it with my partner, it’s not out of the realm of normal to think others might as well.

And come to make this announcement of supposed future acts of kindness, despite her having to work and how tough her life is? Haha. Yeah, fall for it if you want.

Your takeaway from this speaks volumes. That poster wasn’t looking for a back pat, or attempting a guilt trip, they were questioning where in their lives they could contribute to society more. Locally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

When something is on my mind I share it with my partner, it’s not out of the realm of normal to think others might as well.

And come to make this announcement of supposed future acts of kindness, despite her having to work and how tough her life is? Haha. Yeah, fall for it if you want.

Your takeaway from this speaks volumes. That poster wasn’t looking for a back pat, or attempting a guilt trip, they were questioning where in their lives they could contribute to society more. Locally.

I've seen self-aggrandizement and I'm calling it. Insult me all you want. Sorry you're a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

barf.

Gold star for you, PP. except, you know, you haven't done jack sh*t, and no where near what Op has already done for Twin Mom, but you've already claimed credit. Gag me with a spoon.

Wow, you sound like you’re still hung over from the weekend. Or this morning.

No, just sick of self-aggrandizement bullsh*tters. She had a discussion with her DH about this? I call BS.

When something is on my mind I share it with my partner, it’s not out of the realm of normal to think others might as well.

And come to make this announcement of supposed future acts of kindness, despite her having to work and how tough her life is? Haha. Yeah, fall for it if you want.

Your takeaway from this speaks volumes. That poster wasn’t looking for a back pat, or attempting a guilt trip, they were questioning where in their lives they could contribute to society more. Locally.

I've seen self-aggrandizement and I'm calling it. Insult me all you want. Sorry you're a fool.

No insult lobbed from me. Not digging your tone or name calling. Really don’t have a personal stake either way. Enjoy your dirty lens.

[Anonymous]

I’m a stay at home mom and many parents call on me for favors such as your neighbors and I actually enjoy helping people out. It makes me feel good and helps me to teach my child about performing acts of kindness and being a good friend/ neighbor. Some people reciprocate when I need a favor, some don’t. Doing nice things for others makes me feel good.

Try to think about setting an example for your child. It’s a great learning opportunity and think how nice it would be for the new parents of twins if you offered to do this for the school year for them. That is better then any other baby present or casserole they’ve received- I promise you that.

[Anonymous]

OP- I'm with you in that I'd start to feel put out at this point too. Yes, 10 minutes in the morning for a working parent is meaningful time. No matter how early I get up, we're always scrambling and getting out the door involves stress. Adding the stress of two other kids would be more than I'd care to take on for an extended period of time.

I would never consider asking anyone else to do this for me, so I'd be annoyed if someone expected me to do this for them. OP, I don't think the grief you've gotten here is warranted at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a stay at home mom and many parents call on me for favors such as your neighbors and I actually enjoy helping people out. It makes me feel good and helps me to teach my child about performing acts of kindness and being a good friend/ neighbor. Some people reciprocate when I need a favor, some don’t. Doing nice things for others makes me feel good.

Try to think about setting an example for your child. It’s a great learning opportunity and think how nice it would be for the new parents of twins if you offered to do this for the school year for them. That is better then any other baby present or casserole they’ve received- I promise you that.

Help OP out then.

[Anonymous]

If I could help OP I would... it takes a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a stay at home mom and many parents call on me for favors such as your neighbors and I actually enjoy helping people out. It makes me feel good and helps me to teach my child about performing acts of kindness and being a good friend/ neighbor. Some people reciprocate when I need a favor, some don’t. Doing nice things for others makes me feel good.

Try to think about setting an example for your child. It’s a great learning opportunity and think how nice it would be for the new parents of twins if you offered to do this for the school year for them. That is better then any other baby present or casserole they’ve received- I promise you that.

The way I see it, it's only women who get called on for stupid favors like this, never men. Are some women really desperate to be likable that they bend themselves backwards for others who won't ever reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a stay at home mom and many parents call on me for favors such as your neighbors and I actually enjoy helping people out. It makes me feel good and helps me to teach my child about performing acts of kindness and being a good friend/ neighbor. Some people reciprocate when I need a favor, some don’t. Doing nice things for others makes me feel good.

Try to think about setting an example for your child. It’s a great learning opportunity and think how nice it would be for the new parents of twins if you offered to do this for the school year for them. That is better then any other baby present or casserole they’ve received- I promise you that.

it also would be so nice for the new parents if someone else made their food, cleaned their house, changed poopy diapers and paid their taxes for them. but it aint happening. It's called responsibility - can't handle getting a kid to school - don't pop out any more kids. what example will these twins have in life? pinning their duties on neighbors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weeks???
With twins?

Have a heart and do it until it starts to warm up again in the Spring, OP.

Omg, do people not know how to warm up their cars and keep them running? Will this woman and children hibernate ALL winter? Surely they travel other places, right?

I hate when people have more kids than they can handle and make it everyone else’s problem. It’s not OPs problem. I had winter babies and they all survived. Bundle them up and turn on the heat.

+1