At what point does a favor become a burden?

[Anonymous]

I'm very shocked by these responses attacking op. Realistically they will need this help for 2 years. Either you will do it or you won't . It sucks but being a nice neighbor is important. I wouldn't want to do it but I probably would just suck it up and do it. However now you have the jet her know when your child won't be at school since she relies on you

[Anonymous]

Team OP here

It's been really generous of you to do it for weeks. You aren't obligated to keep doing it no matter the reason. Let her know the end of the next week is when you are done - give a few days notice.

Mom of 6 here who had triplets and loaded up many a baby.

[Anonymous]

You choose to have more kids/twin you need to deal with it. A few weeks is generous. You are not their back up plan. I would email and say you were happy to help but its getting difficult with your morning schedule and you need her to drop off child at your home if she wants you to continue.

[Anonymous]

From my reading of your OP, it looks like your neighbor just had newborn twins and is asking if you can take her older children to the bus stop with yours, correct?

As a dad of twins, I'll tell you that for us, the first 8.5 months was the hardest. That's when our twins slept more than 2-3 hours for the first time. This initial period was a haze of low sleep. If you can hold out until their twins STTN, then you will be doing them a very big favor. In our case, we only had twins, and did not have other children to care for, but I can understand and sympathize with both sides in this issue. The one complication is that since our twins were premies and NICU babies, we were advised not to take them out of the house for the first 6 weeks. That may have been what the new mom was originally targeting when she said "just a few weeks". However, the reality is that even after that point, it's hard to get yourself into a new routine when you are just trying to keep up with the every 3 hours schedule of sleep, feed, diaper, play. Trying to add anything in at that point seems difficult, but we've all had to make adjustments.

That said, parents of multiples generally do understand the imposition such favors and requests put on others. And are understanding and appreciative of your consideration. If you find that the burden is too much, then let the other mother know that while you are willing to take her kids to the bus stop occasionally, it's becoming difficult to do this on a daily basis and that she needs to work on coming up with an alternative. Then let her come up with an alternative plan.

[Anonymous]

I understand from reading the posts that having newborn twins is really hard, but I still don't understand how that's OP's problem? If the neighbours were adequately expressing appreciation or offering to pay or something , OP wouldn't feel like she is being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

I would keep doing ti for my neighbor at least until it was spring. It is 10 minutes. Come on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my reading of your OP, it looks like your neighbor just had newborn twins and is asking if you can take her older children to the bus stop with yours, correct?

As a dad of twins, I'll tell you that for us, the first 8.5 months was the hardest. That's when our twins slept more than 2-3 hours for the first time. This initial period was a haze of low sleep. If you can hold out until their twins STTN, then you will be doing them a very big favor. In our case, we only had twins, and did not have other children to care for, but I can understand and sympathize with both sides in this issue. The one complication is that since our twins were premies and NICU babies, we were advised not to take them out of the house for the first 6 weeks. That may have been what the new mom was originally targeting when she said "just a few weeks". However, the reality is that even after that point, it's hard to get yourself into a new routine when you are just trying to keep up with the every 3 hours schedule of sleep, feed, diaper, play. Trying to add anything in at that point seems difficult, but we've all had to make adjustments.

That said, parents of multiples generally do understand the imposition such favors and requests put on others. And are understanding and appreciative of your consideration. If you find that the burden is too much, then let the other mother know that while you are willing to take her kids to the bus stop occasionally, it's becoming difficult to do this on a daily basis and that she needs to work on coming up with an alternative. Then let her come up with an alternative plan.

HOLD OUT TILL TWINS STTN????
You must be insane. Why? She is not family, not compensated, she is an innocent bystander. Who gives a rat's tail what months are the hardest for you? YOU and your SPOUSE chose to have this number of children. DEAL. Hire labor ask a fam member to pitch in, quit your job. Neighbors are not free labor that you should count on. It's not their job or problem how your children get to the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep doing ti for my neighbor at least until it was spring. It is 10 minutes. Come on...

Then do it. I am sure you have at least a few neighbors with small kids. Then report back in spring how it went for you during the winter months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very shocked by these responses attacking op. Realistically they will need this help for 2 years. Either you will do it or you won't . It sucks but being a nice neighbor is important. I wouldn't want to do it but I probably would just suck it up and do it. However now you have the jet her know when your child won't be at school since she relies on you

Being nice has nothing to do with prolonged before school care. People pay for this type of service. It think a favor for a few weeks is fine but then it needs to end. It's taking advantage of someone and "sucking it up" leads to major resentment.

[Anonymous]

How does it take an 10 minutes? How close do they live to you? Are they not ready when you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would keep doing ti for my neighbor at least until it was spring. It is 10 minutes. Come on...

Then do it. I am sure you have at least a few neighbors with small kids. Then report back in spring how it went for you during the winter months.

I take an elderly neighbor to the senior center every single morning, PP, when I take my DD to school. Driving kids to the bus stop when I am dropping of my own kid would be much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You choose to have more kids/twin you need to deal with it. A few weeks is generous. You are not their back up plan. I would email and say you were happy to help but its getting difficult with your morning schedule and you need her to drop off child at your home if she wants you to continue.

0% of people with twins CHOOSE to have twins. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Ask them how they are doing and if they have an alternate to help out. If you’re cool with kid coming to your home suggest it. If you just want to be finished simply say after this week or x amount of time you cannot. They have no idea you are not ok with arrangements unless you communicate it. In the future don’t offer something without terms set ahead as you seem to be keeping score (at least in how your initial post read).

[Anonymous]

Team OP here.

First, it's not ten minutes. It's ten minutes every school day every week. So hundreds, eventually thousands of minutes.

THe neighbor needs to find a long-term solution which does not heavily rely on OP (or others).

OP, I would ask the neighbori is her search for a longterm solution going and say that you need to be at work earlier than usual or something.

[Anonymous]

..and then the forum is filled with mothers saying that they can't find friends and feel so lonely. They complain that they have no one to help them and it is so hard.