At what point does a favor become a burden?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are on here complaining about the responses you got.

This is ultimately up to you. Just make a decision you feel happy about, and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post and the responses stuck with me last night. I don’t understand why everyone jumped to camps where either the OP or the twin mom is an awful person. The cynicism and judgement is saddening.

It absolutely is a burden to spend an extra 10 minutes every morning helping out another family for several weeks. Tougher still if the OP doesn’t feel any gratitude or close relationship with the other family.

But I can honestly say that it would be an honor if I were in a position make that small sacrifice to help a neighbor out. Especially if that neighbor is recovering from a c-section or otherwise struggling in the weeks after birth. I’d go to bed sleeping better because I had an easy opportunity to do something nice for someone every day. Every morning already you’ve improved someone’s day - that’s awesome!

As a result of this post and the responses, DH and I talked for while last night about how isolated families are and how hard it is to ask for or receive support. We’re going to look for more ways to proactively volunteer to help our neighbors or the families of our kid’s classmates. We both work full time and struggle with the usual time-money-energy balances, but we have yet to regret any of the small ways we’ve extended ourselves in the past.

This warms my heart so much!

We're an isolated family and had an experience where I was the akin to the twin mom. I had no idea that it was such a big favor for the other mom to do (taking my kid to school along with hers and other neighbors) as they were all walking together in a group. My older one did it with a different group and they loved having her walk along with them. I messed that up because the previous parent was so welcoming.

Please just explain your tight schedule and the extra stress it causes you and she will understand, accommodate, and might even be a little embarrassed.

Why don't you return the favor and do it for someone else's kid? It's so easy to pretend to be clueless about these things...

OP doesn't need to explain anything - she doesn't owe anyone explanations why she is no longer doubling as free household help. "It's not working for us anymore, thanks".

Who says I didn't? I have and maybe that's why it didn't occur to me it was a burden to her.
But yes, I would have appreciated even that statement that I did not get. Just being upfront would be fine; she was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weeks???
With twins?

Have a heart and do it until it starts to warm up again in the Spring, OP.

Omg, do people not know how to warm up their cars and keep them running? Will this woman and children hibernate ALL winter? Surely they travel other places, right?

I hate when people have more kids than they can handle and make it everyone else’s problem. It’s not OPs problem. I had winter babies and they all survived. Bundle them up and turn on the heat.

+1

[Anonymous]

I lose respect for the OP for not anticipating the inconvenience and creating this much ill-will. The negative is much greater than the positive of doing the favor. Don't say yes to do a favor if it comes with this much - - unspoken - - baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lose respect for the OP for not anticipating the inconvenience and creating this much ill-will. The negative is much greater than the positive of doing the favor. Don't say yes to do a favor if it comes with this much - - unspoken - - baggage.

She had no way of knowing 1) it will last this long and 2) it will be thankless. She is not a mind reader, if that's something to lose respect over - then she lost respect of you, a random internet stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lose respect for the OP for not anticipating the inconvenience and creating this much ill-will. The negative is much greater than the positive of doing the favor. Don't say yes to do a favor if it comes with this much - - unspoken - - baggage.

She had no way of knowing 1) it will last this long and 2) it will be thankless. She is not a mind reader, if that's something to lose respect over - then she lost respect of you, a random internet stranger.

+1 I'm sure she would have gracefully declined in the beginning (or at least set a very firm limit of a week or so) if she thought it would turn out like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!

+ 1

OP has no obligation to these people at all. When we do a good turn, usually when it is a worthy cause we feel good about doing it. OP is feeling used, and he probably is. OP, never mind what DCUM is saying because you went above and beyond by doing it for 3 weeks.

The entitlement that people have is amazing. Why have kids when you cannot take care of them on your own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked that everyone is attacking OP. I think you are being taken advantage of and, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but ten minutes in the morning is a lot.

Tell her that you can give her another week, but then your schedule is changing.

It was nice of you to do it for three weeks!

+ 1

OP has no obligation to these people at all. When we do a good turn, usually when it is a worthy cause we feel good about doing it. OP is feeling used, and he probably is. OP, never mind what DCUM is saying because you went above and beyond by doing it for 3 weeks.

The entitlement that people have is amazing. Why have kids when you cannot take care of them on your own?

Some people are so entitled and inept that they genuinely don't seem to believe/understand that people can and do raise kids without making them everyone else's problem. If I had a dollar for every time someone on DCUM said "It takes a village!"...

[Anonymous]

I swear I have read this whole thread. Did I miss the ages of the older kids involved? Or was that information never given? Because if any of these kids are 4th grade or older I would suggest they walk to OP’s house and/or the bus stop.